To The Women Of Ladies Night, I Appreciate You All
A few weeks ago, I was meeting up with some friends at a bar uptown. It was a mixed crowd, women and men, just a little get together a lady friend of mine planned at the last minute. When I arrived at this place, I noticed an unusual amount of women crowding the bar area. I thought, Well, that’s unusual, but I didn’t press anyone for details.
I took my seat at our table and struck up a conversation with another lady friend of mine. A waitress came by our table and my friend asked if the ladies night specials were still in effect. Now before she asked our server this question, I already had it in mind to buy a drink for my friend and I. I didn’t really want to drink, but most women hate to drink alone and whenever a guy says “Give her an apple martini, make it strong, and for me, a water” well, he just looks like a predator. But it was too late to order our drinks since my friend already asked about the ladies night deals. The waitress said they were still going on, so my friend ordered some top shelf drink. But being the nice guy that I am, and seeing that I was in a good mood, I still intended to buy her the drink, but I had to ask the waitress a very important question before doing so:
“Let me ask you something,” I said to her. “This whole ladies night deal, what is it?”
“It’s $4 for anything top shelf, 2-for-1 well drinks, and $3 beers,” she said.
My next question: “Okay, well if I order a drink for my friend here, and she’s a lady, do I get charged the ladies night price, or the regular price?”
The waitress said, “We would charge you the regular price. The deal only applies to women who order their own drinks.”
I looked at my friend who was cracking up by this time, and then I looked at the waitress and said, “I’ll just take a water.”
I encourage all men to go to any bar where there is a ladies night and go on that night. Why they chose to name this particular evening ladies night is beyond me because really, it’s men’s night.
First of all, the only thing better than a fine woman is a fine woman who knows the value of a good deal. When I was a young lad, and could only meet women at the mall, I was all about going for the women who were browsing in the clearance racks. I loved that sort of thing. Found it sexy. And don’t even get me started on the women who would browse through the clearance racks and NOT buy anything. My heart would melt. To see a woman so tight with her money, she didn’t even buy an item that was 70 percent off, that was the kind of thing that made me want to buy them an Orange Julius and cover the costs of a game of air hockey at the arcade.
Nowadays, I meet women at various social functions like bars, lounges, and parties. Unfortunately, they cut all the tags off their clothing, which means I have no idea whether that G on their belt stands for Gucci or Gap. So instead, I have to evaluate their decision making based on what kind of decisions they make when it comes time to purchase a drink. The way I see it, women who take advantage of ladies night deals would also be the type to appreciate my savvy when I take them out on a date using this great deal I received on Groupon.
To the women of ladies night, the only sense is saving cents. Not only would I not have to buy one woman a drink, it would make absolutely no sense for me to do so. It might be the only night of the week where I would look like an idiot for doing something as kind and courteous as buying a woman a drink.
There’s also the benefit of the female-heavy ratio. On this particular night ladies night I was out, there were at least four women to every one guy. At that point, you’re not even competing, you’re just practicing.
I have no idea if bars actually make their money with a gimmick such as ladies night, but I’d be curious to know how much they profit from such a concept. It doesn’t add up unless some proprietor wises up and thinks, “Maybe if we extend the ladies night deal to men who want to buy drinks for women, we’d make more money off both parties.”
But until someone comes up with such a genius idea, I’m going to capitalize off their unfortunate loophole with a big, glass of ice water in one hand and my phone in the other.