Thoughts On Turning 30: The Worst Gift I Ever Received
Since I’ve never made a big deal about my birthday, I’ve never really asked for much when it comes to gifts. All I ever really want is to be taken to a steakhouse or some other nice restaurant, and since I’m not a picky eater (all I ask is you don’t take me to a vegetarian/vegan restaurant), this should be easy and low maintenance.
But one year, my girlfriend at the time thought she should apply some imagination to my birthday gifts. She had dinner reservations made for us already, so she could have stopped right there, but she didn’t. She wanted to do more for her man. I was turning 25, and much like I feel as I approach 30, I thought 25 was somewhat of a bench mark year. In the weeks leading up to that day I was beginning to make some personal changes, adding some sophistication to my life.
Back then, I looked like I was 20 years old. I wanted to add some airs to look older or more my age. So out with the baggy clothes, in with the better fitting clothes. Out with the lazy mornings, in with the workout mornings. No more going to just movies and clubs, I wanted to see a play on Broadway too. My girlfriend was all for it. She saw my effort and applauded me. When my birthday rolled around, her gifts reflected her encouragement for my attempts at self improvement.
One of the gifts was an Invicta watch. I still have it, though, I rarely wear it. It’s almost too nice.
The other gift was tickets to go see Chicago on Broadway, which I had been wanting to see for a while.
But the last gift she gave me is hands down the worst gift ever.
The gift came wrapped, in a box. It was kind of heavy. I thought to myself, “What the hell is this?” Then I tore into it, and when I saw it, I thought to myself, “What the hell is this?”
No, really, what is this? Who gives this as a gift for someone?
To this day, my boys still crack jokes on me about this gift. I know my girl meant well, but damn, what kind of signal was she sending me?
Now, people be kind in the comments. I laugh at this gift now and assuming she is reading this post, I hope she laughs too. We’re friends to this day, so I don’t have anything but love for her, but this is not something you give as a gift. This would be like her telling me she wants to lose some pounds so I get her a gym membership.
Ladies, remember this: When a man wants to improve himself, all he wants, all he needs, is your encouragement. If a man says he wants to learn a foreign language, you don’t get him Rosetta Stone, you learn how to say some sexy stuff in Spanish, and bring that into the bedroom. When a man says he wants to start exercising, you don’t get him running shoes, you tell him, “Well, start with pushups on top of me.” Men don’t like self-improvement gifts anymore than women do, so if he’s trying to get cut, please resist the urge to buy him a set of weights or some Muscle Milk.