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Thoughts On Turning 30: The Worst Gift I Ever Received

Since I’ve never made a big deal about my birthday, I’ve never really asked for much when it comes to gifts. All I ever really want is to be taken to a steakhouse or some other nice restaurant, and since I’m not a picky eater (all I ask is you don’t take me to a vegetarian/vegan restaurant), this should be easy and low maintenance.

But one year, my girlfriend at the time thought she should apply some imagination to my birthday gifts. She had dinner reservations made for us already, so she could have stopped right there, but she didn’t. She wanted to do more for her man. I was turning 25, and much like I feel as I approach 30, I thought 25 was somewhat of a bench mark year. In the weeks leading up to that day I was beginning to make some personal changes, adding some sophistication to my life.

Back then, I  looked like I was 20 years old. I wanted to add some airs to look older or more my age. So out with the baggy clothes, in with the better fitting clothes. Out with the lazy mornings, in with the workout mornings. No more going to just movies and clubs, I wanted to see a play on Broadway too. My girlfriend was all for it. She saw my effort and applauded me. When my birthday rolled around, her gifts reflected her encouragement for my attempts at self improvement.

One of the gifts was an Invicta watch. I still have it, though, I rarely wear it. It’s almost too nice.

The other gift was tickets to go see Chicago on Broadway, which I had been wanting to see for a while.

But the last gift she gave me is hands down the worst gift ever.

The gift came wrapped, in a box. It was kind of heavy. I thought to myself, “What the hell is this?” Then I tore into it, and when I saw it, I thought to myself, “What the hell is this?”

Muscle Milk

Ladies, don't ever buy this for your man.

No, really, what is this? Who gives this as a gift for someone?

To this day, my boys still crack jokes on me about this gift. I know my girl meant well, but damn, what kind of signal was she sending me?

Now, people be kind in the comments. I laugh at this gift now and assuming she is reading this post, I hope she laughs too. We’re friends to this day, so I don’t have anything but love for her, but this is not something you give as a gift. This would be like her telling me she wants to lose some pounds so I get her a gym membership.

Ladies, remember this: When a man wants to improve himself, all he wants, all he needs, is your encouragement. If a man says he wants to learn a foreign language, you don’t get him Rosetta Stone, you learn how to say some sexy stuff in Spanish, and bring that into the bedroom. When a man says he wants to start exercising, you don’t get him running shoes, you tell him, “Well, start with pushups on top of me.” Men don’t like self-improvement gifts anymore than women do, so if he’s trying to get cut, please resist the urge to buy him a set of weights or some Muscle Milk.


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  • 05girl

    LOL…  but damn you racked up on the other gifts so you could only be so mad.  Now if this was the ONLY gift…

  • 05girl

    LOL…  but damn you racked up on the other gifts so you could only be so mad.  Now if this was the ONLY gift…

  • 05girl

    LOL…  but damn you racked up on the other gifts so you could only be so mad.  Now if this was the ONLY gift…

  • Ash

    I literally burst out laughing at this!

  • Anonymous

    HILARIOUS!  And I love your “encouragement” suggestions. Gracias!

  • BBB

    this was just hilarious
    the other gifts made a lot of sense though

  • Sharelle

    I kind of sort of died laughing just now in class right now. A for effort though! LOL!!

  • Delan Stone

    Classic! Hahahaha

  • Villagekeeper

    Lol freakin hilarious! Lol however I could totally see the weights as a great gift. Lol thats soooo funny

  • myrna orvam

    LMAO..literally made me gasp with laughter. The set up..the reveal. Too funny!

  • Guest

    If you know she meant well and you have nothing but love for her, whatever gift received from her wouldn’t have mattered to you and would not think of it as being the worse gift ever. A gift is a material thing, Love is a feeling. The moment you opened the gift, was it the importance of the gift that mattered to you or the importance of love that mattered to you? 

  • Dewan

    Lol. Good post. Reminds of that time a white ex-girlfriend got me an African drum for my birthday. Even though the only instrument I’ve ever played is a boom box in the late ’80s. 

  • I.M.

    I call bs!! That can’t be real.

  • Khabeer Sultan


  • IrieDiva

    hey i wouldnt mind a gym membership as a gift! *thinks about it* ok maybe not as a birthday gift….nuh uh 

  • Miss Re

    Why so serious?  Man…

  • Miss. Riss

    Hilarious! In reference to the other gifts, I’m sure she definitely meant well. It’d be funny to know what the worst gift I ever gave was, so I hope if she reads this, she’s finding it funny too.

    Now that I’ve made the mandatory comment, what I really want to say is…

    Can we get a poppin question podcast please??????

  • Guest

    I placed myself in their position. what i wrote is based on how i would’ve reacted. We all have our own reactions to every situations. Everyone handles situations differently. 

  • Rebirth


  • Regina

    My friend Jim gave his wife an iron for her 40th birthday. I swear that’s true. As you can imagine, it didn’t go over well. I’m with you, though: “self-improvement” gifts, though perhaps given with good intentions, suck.

  • guest29

    Man that was too funny I can’t stop laughing.

  • Nia

    This has me in tears at my job…no bueno.