Thoughts On Turning 30: Love and The Evolution of My Style
I’m not talking about the way I dress, I’m talking about my style of being a man to a woman.
Not too many years ago, a woman I dated told me, “You are this dramatic character I couldn’t of made up in the wildest corners of my imagination.” I took it as a compliment when I first heard it, and then I grew up.
More recently, a woman told me, “Your problem is you think you’re easier to date than you really are.” This statement wasn’t meant to be a compliment, but seeing as it is the polar opposite of what used to be said about me, it was easy to interpret it as such.
When it comes to loving a woman, being with a woman, every man has to have his own style. As I get older, I’m trying to evolve mine. You know how things can get too ripe? That’s where I’m at with my style. I’m trying to find a happy medium between being the dramatic character I once was and the blasé guy I am now, the one whose favorite phrase is “Que sera, sera.”
My love used to be tight, now it’s all loose.
Women would meet my mom all quick, now I won’t even talk on the phone in front of a woman.
I used to wonder how to love, now I wonder how to care.
So what’s my point?
I haven’t been in a relationship in over three years, and sometimes I think that’s a good thing, because it’s taught me more about myself than I ever learned when I was in a relationship. No longer do I trip, that’s a big part of my evolution. I can’t really remember the last time I argued with a woman the way I argued with my girlfriends, don’t recall losing sleep over any woman recently. For close to three years, the drama with the opposite sex has been minimal, but the scary thing I’m realizing is the lack of drama in my life might not be a result of growth, but rather, a deep-seated fear to go “there” again.
My approach to dating a woman has been what the old folks would call “too cool for school.” As Jay-Z once said, “I used to give a f*ck, now I give a f*ck less.” The pendulum has swung too far in the opposite direction and these days I’m doing one of two things: I’m either spreading out my feelings amongst a couple of women at the same time so as to not have to ever get too caught up in my chest over one, or I’m ridding myself of the couple of women so I can be completely alone.
I used to think when I turned 30, I would be more willing to settle down with one person. I turn 30 in five days, and I believe I am more willing, though I’m probably further away from doing such a thing than I was three years ago. For some reason, my whole laid back approach to dating has turned me into, dare I say it, a commitment-phobe, which I never used to be or thought I could be.
All this is because I’m trying to avoid is a breakup. Those used to be in style, now they’re not. They suck. I hate them, and the last one I went through I told myself, the next time I breakup, the next time I lose sleep over such a thing, better be because I’m getting a divorce.
Thing is, I don’t want a girlfriend, I want a woman who has the potential to be my wife. So these days, I date a wide swath, in hopes she will rise above the fray and reveal herself to me. I play it cool because I don’t want to force anything, and I thought this was the right way, but…I don’t know. Maybe there is no right or wrong way, and my way just needs to continue to evolve. I used to come to the table overdressed and these days, I’m coming dressed down. Obviously it doesn’t make me easier to date, as one woman pointed out, but I know I’m not as difficult to date as I used to be. I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing, but for now it’s my thing, my style.