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Archive for August, 2011

Unscientific Study Proves Girlfriends Reluctant To Help Boyfriends As Early As High School

August 31st, 2011 47 comments

The worst news I’ve read all week, without a doubt.

The other day, I was sitting on the train with an idle mind that brought me back to a memory in high school. My girlfriend at the time and I had a science class together. I hated science and I hated my teacher, which as we all know is a recipe for low test scores and sad excuses for why my homework was never done or turned in on time. My girlfriend, on the other hand, loved the subject and did well in the class.

Naturally, I would ask her for help to prepare for tests and she would do her best. I appreciated her efforts, but the night before one of our big tests, I grew tired of these endless hours of studying and asked her if for me she would take the ultimate risk. Since we sat next to each other in class, would she help me out by letting me copy some of her answers. I was smart enough to not copy every single one, and I wasn’t trying to get an A. I just needed a C on the test to average my overall grade out, and at the rate we were going, I retained enough information to get me a D at best.

Without even taking the time to look up from her study guide she flat out told me, “No.” I didn’t fight back or ask her why. We just continued to study and study hard. The next day we took the test.

One week later the results came back. I ended up with a C+. My girlfriend was happy for me and said, “See, I told you you didn’t need to copy.” She was right, I didn’t need her to copy, I also didn’t need her high-mindedness and holier-than-thou attitude polluting her ability to be a woman who rides out for her man by any means necessary, so in my head, I gave her an F in reliability, which weighted against the rest of her virtues and resulted in her being single again.

This all happened over 12 years ago, and I decided to pose the question to women who follow me on Twitter and are friends with me on Facebook when I got off the train. The question was really simple. It goes as follows:

Go back to high school, you and your man have the same class, he wants to copy your test. Do you let him? Yes or no? Simple question, don’t answer with follow-up questions, just answer it. Yes or no

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Categories: guys, women Tags:

Deeper Than Fantasy Football: A Man And His Friends

August 30th, 2011 6 comments

Two nights ago, I had a dream. Actually, it was a nightmare, and not one of those where when you wake up you’re relieved it’s over and you just fall back asleep because all is well or at least normal. This nightmare had me up for a good couple of hours after it was over, and remains swirling in my head days later to the point where I’m writing about it now.

In the nightmare, I lose one of my best friends. I don’t lose him to a tragic accident, no one dies. We are both very much alive but our friendship is frayed and I ask him if there’s a problem. He says he can’t be my friend anymore. I ask him why and he says not to worry about it, then he walks away. I go looking for him, we’re in the city, in some random neighborhood with a strip of bars, and I’m going from place to place trying to find him to talk everything out. In the middle of my search a woman, whose face I still remember but doesn’t belong to anyone I know in real life, stops me and says, “Are you looking for your friend?”

“Yes,” I say.

“He’s gone, don’t look for him anymore.”

At this point I get really mad with this woman I don’t know. “Why,” I ask.

“Because I told him you don’t want to be friends with him anymore,” she says.

From the top of my lungs I start yelling at this woman, going into a tirade asking her why she would say such a thing.

Then I woke up.

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Categories: guys Tags:

The Worst First Date Movie Ever

August 22nd, 2011 20 comments

Anybody know if there is an award given to the person who makes the worst movie date choices ever? If so, I’d like to nominate myself for contention.

Considering it was the first date, I really had no business asking the young woman over to my place to watch a movie in the first place. Talk about unoriginal.

But what can I say? I was only 20, making intern money and it was Detroit where I just moved to live for the summer. I knew like three people and knew nowhere to go so a movie at my place was really the best I could offer.

Luckily, she understood all these things so she said yes. I told her all she had to do was show up, I’d handle the rest. I was going to make a great dinner and pick a classic film that I just knew she would love.

Dinner went as planned.

As for the movie? Well, let’s just say, short of something from the Bang Bros series, this was probably the worst movie someone could ever choose on a first date. To this day, I smack myself on the forehead when I think of my selection. Not just because of the movie I selected but because I actually thought the movie I selected was the right movie; like whatever a movie is supposed to do to enhance a date, this was going to do it. She’s gonna love this one I thought.

Well, as it turns out, she…Well, here, the movie poster, a clip, and then below, her reaction to the worst first date movie ever.

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Categories: dating, Stories Tags:

What A Man Thinks: The Ex-Girlfriend’s New Guy

August 22nd, 2011 17 comments

Nothing humbles a man more than the news his ex-girlfriend is dating some new guy.

If we receive word from a mutual friend or associate of ours, usually we get a good idea of details and whether or not he measures up to us at least on paper. But sometimes we hear the news from the girl herself, whether she takes it upon herself to tell us she’s found someone new or we inquire about their latest goings on and they casually bring up the news.

This of course causes us to make all sorts of assumptions about about who the mystery man is. Usually, we think he is an actor or a ball player or some magical God on Earth who does both at the same time at the highest level, like Dwyane Wade who is not only an NBA Champion but also an accomplished actor (doubt me and I’ll chalk it up to the fact that you haven’t seen Just Wright).

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Categories: guys, little things Tags:

One Day, She Will Be Yours

August 16th, 2011 18 comments

I don’t like to ponder much about the future so much as I like to prepare for whatever it may bring. But sometimes my mind goes there and I smile at the thought of having a family of my own one day. If I’m fortunate enough to have children, I imagine there will be a bunch of things I will tell them about the life I lived before they arrived and the lessons I learned from it.

At times, my daydreams get super specific and I imagine I have a son who comes home from school one day all bent out of shape. You see, there’s a girl he really likes but she doesn’t feel the same way. At this age, he’s far too young to understand the concept of “more fish in the sea”. He hasn’t been around enough girls to know there are so many more he will meet, and of those many, some will like him back and some will like him before he even likes them.

So I will spare him the lecture, because there’s little chance a new girl for him to crush on will walk through his classroom door the next day. Besides all he cares about is the girl he likes. At that moment in his life, she is the one, and not having her is killing him, and since I know what that feels like I will tell him to take it from his old man, that girl, one day, she will be his. Maybe not forever, but one day, she will see in him what he sees in her. I’m sure when I say this to him, he will ask me how I know, and I’ll tell him the story.

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Categories: Stories Tags:

California Love Or Lack Thereof

August 15th, 2011 32 comments

Last night, I had the opportunity to attend the Beyoncé concert at Roseland Ballroom. A write-up of the show is soon to come and when it does I will post a link to it so all can read here’s the write-up, so I won’t get into too many details of the show.

In the early part of the performance, Beyoncé ran through some of her Destiny’s Child hits, most of which I take issue with because I feel like they fried the brains of a generation of women, but that’s neither here nor there. They’re still good songs, that much I can admit. The only song I was bracing myself for her to perform was “Soldier”. If she had, I would have walked out immediately.

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Categories: dating Tags:

The Process: Getting My Money Right

August 8th, 2011 16 comments

Ever since I turned 30, everyone wants to know how it feels and I tell them, so far, it’s the same as when I turned 29. But even I know 30 is one of those ages people think about long before we get to it. I don’t know exactly where I wanted to be when I turned 30, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t want it to be here, broke, still trying to make ends meet. But I’m a writer, I kind of signed up for this struggle, and I refuse to give up on it because I see too many successful writers who have made a career for themselves, bought houses and cars and supported families off the strength of their craft.

I wrote about this to some extent a couple of weeks ago, acquiring the skills to learn how to make this craft of mine a viable business. So I won’t dwell on it here. But rather, I want to talk about my next process I plan to undergo, it’s starting with a fast I was inspired to do after attending church yesterday, and it will carry on for about the next month.

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Categories: The Process Tags:

Fear Not, Funny Woman

August 4th, 2011 8 comments

This is a post I’ve been trying to write for a while, but whenever I tried, it just wouldn’t come out right. So here we go again, my attempt at expressing a dissenting opinion of a popular myth.

The common belief is funny women don’t win when it comes to relationships. I can’t link to any studies to support this theory, but I’m pretty sure most of us have heard it from other people or seen it played out one way or another.

They say a woman with a joke is something like a woman with a tool belt, sure it may be useful, but it’s unnecessary. Funny duties are a man’s responsibility, partly because when we’re out in the streets trying to seduce a woman, humor can be our best weapon. Very few of us are fortunate enough to just stand around, we have to crack a joke to take down a woman’s defenses. Women on the other hand, just have to have a nice smile and a laugh that doesn’t sound like a call to the wild.

I agree with none of this, and I bemoan anybody who does, especially other funny women.

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Categories: dating, guys, women Tags:

Five Things They Should Have Never Given To Women

August 3rd, 2011 47 comments

My ex-girlfriend and I lived together for about three months before she finally decided the apartment she moved into, the same apartment I had been living in already for a year by myself, needed some moderate upgrades. With her help, subtle changes were made, like a bathroom rug, a colorful bed spread, and the legendary trash can I have written about in a previous post.

But there was one upgrade she made that was a little too flashy for my taste. She wanted to get a dual-headed detachable shower head. This thing was luxurious, and too extravagant for a bathroom that had off-brand soap and brown bottles of hydrogen peroxide in bulk. It wasn’t that I didn’t like it, it was just, my lifestyle didn’t warrant such a flashy item. I thought to myself, If I was a bachelor this shower head would be perfect, but I’m in a relationship? Naw, it’s an unnecessary stunt.

We got it anyway and it stayed with me until we broke up and she took it. Later I asked her what she ended up doing with it and she said she threw it away, which pissed me off. Why do women have the nicest things and use them for the most plain reasons? Had she let me keep the shower head, pleae believe I’d have found multiple purposes for it. This is why I say there are certain things women don’t need to have, not because they can’t use them, but because they don’t know how to use them properly.

Below, a list of five things women have but under utilize

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Categories: Five Things Tags:

The Unbearable Ego of Women In Relationships

August 2nd, 2011 37 comments

All my single ladies, stand back for a minute and allow me to speak on your behalf.

I know.

You might not need me to do this, but I’m doing it anyway because someone needs to straighten out these girls in relationships, gloating about their happiness like their personal life should be featured in an episode of “Cribs”.

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Categories: women Tags: