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The Unbearable Ego of Women In Relationships

All my single ladies, stand back for a minute and allow me to speak on your behalf.

I know.

You might not need me to do this, but I’m doing it anyway because someone needs to straighten out these girls in relationships, gloating about their happiness like their personal life should be featured in an episode of “Cribs”.

Ladies in relationships, shut up about how wonderful it is to be in a relationship. Nobody cares. And you know why nobody cares? Because it’s nobody’s business but your own. You may think it’s because we’re bitter, single, and lonely, and surely some of the hate directed towards you stems from any one of these three emotions, but as for the rest of us people who are single and sane, we’re just tired of hearing you boast about something you never acquired through hard work.

Bragging about having a significant other is like bragging that you won the Lottery. You got lucky or you were blessed, however you choose to look at these things, but you’re acting like you stayed up late nights studying for this moment and passed the bar in flying colors. No, you didn’t. Let me tell you what happened.

You got chose.

That’s right. Some guy saw you walk into some spot or walking down some street or met you at some friend’s party, and they approached you. Correctly, I might add. The end result, you two live happily ever after. That is nothing to brag about so much as it is something to be thankful for, and yet you want to walk around these streets acting like you knew it was going to happen because you had the right recipe cooking all along.

People in relationships, women especially, love to act like now that they’re in a relationship they’re some sort of authority figure when it comes to the topic. I tell people all the time, I don’t write about relationships, I write about my experiences in those relationships. This does not make me an authority and anybody whoever thought it did has missed the point of this blog entirely. I don’t write about this because I know it all, I write about it because I care. Know the difference between passion for a subject and knowledge of it.

The fact is, none of us know what it takes to make a relationship work, not even the people who are in one. We certainly know what it takes to make our own relationships work, but what works for us does not mean it will work for the next two people who get together. Meanwhile there are people who have the title of someone’s significant other but are mistaking it for a Doctorate in the subject of Love.

Six months ago when they were single, they had no idea what to do on a first date, now ever since they met their boo, they think all first dates should happen a specific way in order to get a specific outcome. It’s like, if the guy her friend went out on a date with invites her over for dinner instead of taking her out for dinner, he’s doing it wrong all because when her boyfriend asked her out on a first date he took her out to eat and didn’t ask her to come over for the first three weeks they were dating. What she doesn’t know is the reason her boyfriend kept her away from his apartment for those first three weeks is because his last girl was still moving out her stuff and living there part time.

Realize, ladies in relationships, you don’t know half of the reason why or how you are in a relationship. Literally, half. That other half of knowledge belongs to your man, who I might add, does not go around bragging that he’s in love. He will never tell you all the reasons he chose you, reasons like: He read somewhere men in relationships are more successful in their careers than single men. He doesn’t tell you this is one of the reasons he’s with you because he knows you can’t handle hearing something like that. The other thing about men is we keep our emotions on the humble.

The times I’ve been in love, I’ve never told my boys, “Yo, this is the best thing ever!” You know why? Cause I was thinking about more important things, like staying in love. Relationships humble men, open us up and have us walking this earth with our chests busted wide open by vulnerability. Meanwhile women walk around like can’t no one say a damn thing to them because their status on Facebook says “In A Relationship”. And if it says “Married”, oh my God! Don’t even bother telling that woman she didn’t have the right-away. She will come back to you so hard with the, “What do you mean I don’t have the right away, you see this ring on my finger?” you will forget how to drive.

I’m happy for every woman who has a good man on their arm and I would tell them this, but they’re too busy shouting it from the rooftops.

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  • KB

    L.M.A.O.

    My favorite part: “Six months ago when they were single, they had no idea what to do on a first date, now ever since they met their boo, they think all first dates should happen a specific way in order to get a specific outcome.” If this ain’t the truth.  And one newly engaged friend had the nerve to tell me I need a man because she just wants me to be happy. *face*  Who the hell said I wasn’t happy??? *smh*This also applies to one very, very emotional man I know.  He’s always talking about his “wonderful, wonderful girlfriend” and mentioning how much different his life was “when I was a single man.”  I wanna be like, “Dude…get your head out your a**…nobody CARES!!”

  • Anonymous

    I’m a single woman and I don’t really get this post… maybe I would if you referred to a specific situation – the generalizations are throwing me off.

  • http://twitter.com/DigiCandy CT

    Yes. Yes. Yes. Thank you for this.

  • naturallyK

    *Pause from shouting from the rooftops to LMAO*

  • Shawntelrenee

    Love it!!!!

  • Seeomara

    Yes!!! I love this!! I am single and happy being it and now that some of my friends are getting engaged my friends want to start hooking me up and give me advice on finding a man…. UM, excuse me when did I put out a personal ad for a dating service??? Also like you said these women got CHOSE, but they always forget that part. I just really like this post because it really hits home. 

  • Genese

    Great post Jozen!

  • Anonymous

    You get it…thanks for this post..

  • Naomi

    LMAO at “You Got Chose”! HAHA!
    Not gonna lie – I expected a different approach when you tweeted “The ego of women in relationships is almost unreal”. You know what though…its not all their fault. The women NOT in relationships sometimes go to those that are and ask how they “did it”. That gives them the liberty to tell them whatever they want. Then said single lady will go out and try to duplicate the same process..which will inevitably FAIL.
    I do, however, give advice when asked…I don’t know why people come to me and I’m single. 😛

  • http://www.girlsarethenewboys.com Mouf Peace

    while i don’t mind a girl friend of mine telling me how happy she is, i totally feel you on the authority part. like don’t forget where you were not too long ago!

  • cooliegal

    Love It…especially the “You got chose” part. Sometimes they forget and need to be reminded…sweetheart ye’en no expert out here, have several seats. LOL

    Great Post!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=626419544 Jessica Love Clark

    I love this post! Great Jozen :-)!

  • MsAfro

    THANK YOU JOZEN!!! This was awesome and hit the nail on the head!

  • erica

    I would just like to make it clear that while it may be true I got chosen, I did some choosing of my own, to imply otherwise is unfair and untrue. Also, I don’t shout it from the rooftops I’m happy and people who know me probably notice but if they don’t it doesn’t really matter.

  • http://twitter.com/CrownofPearlz Miss Cristine ♥

    I love this. your posts are always so eye opening in that it forces me to look at things n a different perspective and even check myself – am I or have I done these crazy things he’s writing about? I’m single and I don’t have any friends in relationships that are this annoying, but when I get into my next relationship, I’m gonna keep this in mind LOL.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1073556804 Donna Ree Clark-White

    Very good post.  Laughed so hard at the end!!

  • guest

    Thank you for speaking on behalf of all single ladies, makes all of us feel alot better that it’s not so bad being single. I still believe that many who get into relationships get in one for the sake of prestige. if not for the sake of prestige, many get in relationships because of loneliness, companionship, biological clock, citizenship status, financial instability, pregnancy and so forth-which to me are all wrong reasons to be in a relationship. As far as your last article that i absolutely enjoyed reading especially about the part you wrote about what you don’t want to see as for men falling in love, i thought that was beautifully said-which i believe it also applies to women. Since i heard about your website, i’ve enjoyed reading your articles. You’re like a younger brother to me. Not only because you’re alot younger than me, but at least you take the time and effort to let one know of the precautions about issues such as falling in love and or being in a relationship. It’s nice to know someone out there cares. You’re definitely going to make your desired women who you choose to marry one day be very happy to have found you. it seems that all the good men are the younger ones, darn it. 

  • http://www.christielover.com Rebekahchristie

    I love this so much. I’ve been with my partner for 4 years now. Its easy to forget that just because my relationship is successful doesn’t mean I have the answers to another relationship’s problems. Although I’m private and rarely brag and talk about it every chance I get. When I do get the chance I sometimes might feel that my answers are the right answers. 

    I wish some of the women who read your blog would actually take in what your saying with an open mind and a light heart. Clearly some are taking your words TOO literal and don’t realize you draw from your experiences. I’m almost sure 70% of the articles motives are for entertainment purposes.  So relax ladies it all fun and games at the end of the day. 

  • guest

    I realize most of Jozen’s articles are for entertainment purposes. It’s not like he has to write the articles, it’s because he wants to for whatever reason. Since I’ve heard about his website, i’ve enjoyed reading what he has to say so far. Hopefully he doesn’t stop writing, he’s a very good writer who makes alot of sense. 

  • ama

    love it!!

  • RealLove

    MMmmmmmm. I’m open minded so I see your point and understand that it doesn’t apply to.everyone, however it is very general. When you are in love, it is an amazing feeling and you do want to shout it from the rooftops. Misery loves company and people who are in or have been in bad relationships are envious of others who appear to have achieved happiness. That is their problem, not the person(s) in love. Think about how the topic of a relationship is even approached, someone usually asks about it. I definitely disagree with the chosen part. It’s a descision both people in the relationship make, especially if you are a strong and self aware woman. Sometimes couples don’t intend to be together, they just end up that way because they compliment each other. Maybe you just haven’t found “the one” to evoke that special feeling in you yet. Bottom line, be happy for others so your blessings aren’t blocked and if you don’t want to hear it or that person is on their soapbox too long, inform them of it and keep it moving.

  • Res

    “people who are in or have been in bad relationships are envious of others who appear to have achieved happiness.”  
    This is not always true either. It’s a stereotype.

  • http://wwwinmycomfortzone.blogspot.com/ southernpoise

    “Realize, ladies in relationships, you don’t know half of the reason why or how you are in a relationship. Literally, half. That other half of knowledge belongs to your man”

    AGREED…

    It was only after months, maybe even a year or so, I found out from my ex that he was still seeing other people when we first got together. Granted, initially, we were only ‘seeing/sleeping’ each other. We didn’t have a commitment at the time, so he had the right. But, we were together ALL THE TIME.. EVERYDAY… well, obviously not EVERYDAY. And I was not oblivious. I had considered he could possibly still be seeing other people, and understood if he had, since I was the one that was not ready to make  the commitment. It was just the realization was, that he in fact was seeing other people. No matter what phase of the relationship you are in, and how ‘PERFECT’ you think it may be, at some point, it is all an illusion. How do you think some people get so blindsided when they find out the other person is cheating. Because they didn’t see it coming. Cause everything was so damn ‘PERFECT’. 

    You should just count your blessings, and keep them coming, by not broadcasting. You talk too loud, somebody might here you, and want to steal your ‘thunder’ AKA, YOUR MAN… and they might already be doin it. You don’t know yet.

  • guest

    Unfortunately, some people believe that just because they’re in a relationship with someone, they feel that person is their soulmate.  Realize that a soulmate is an expectation, love is not an expectation. You can’t force a person to love you nor can you force yourself to love a person just because you see that person as someone you expect them to be. Love happens naturally, not expectantly. 

  • http://www.relationshiptalk.net/arlene/blog/ Arlene

    I  agree that being in a relationship makes you an expert on your relationship only, and sometimes not even that. The thing is, sometimes, you do work long hard hours to get into a relationship, and staying in a good one for years is also a lot of work. You choose or get chosen (in my case I chose), but that’s a millisecond in years. Its like giving birth is a big deal but is a split second in parenthood as a whole.
    We spend our lives working for love either from the “I want it” point of view, or the “Now I got it what should I do with it?” point of view.

  • Yaya

    WORD! Ugh…

  • cancergirl08

    Nice post. I say also, to beware of those (men and women) who are nosy and will ask you personal questions about your relationships. Cuz on the flip side, some people “pretend” to be happy for you so that they can find out all your business and then spread it :) Sharing ain’t always caring…..

  • Dwllautho

    Did some women in a relationship turn you down Jozen

  • Guest

    all in all, there is no reason for anyone 2 belittle anyone whether they’re in a relationship or not

  • Amos Banks

    My wife dispenses relationship advice to all of her friends.  What you said is spot on.  I met my wife on a wine tour and she got chose.  Simple as that.

  • guest

    based on some of the things the writer writes, he comes across rather bitter the fact that he has some nerve to talk negative things about people. 

  • Anonymous

    PREACH!!!! 

    My friend is happily married for about 8 months now. When I expressed my happiness for her, she starts telling me all her secrets: how she cooked for him, made herself available to him, etc. Her husband, sitting beside her, looks at her as if she were crazy. He admitted (discretely of course) that none of the things that she listed were the reasons “she got chose!” 

  • DreamHime

    I guess I am the only lady who had chosen her gent 😉 and will decide who I will marry.  Of course, I will not know what future have in store for me. But, I asked my current boyfriend to be mine. As a girl, is it weird that I don’t want to be chase, but to be the predator instead? I don’t brag. Before, I was in a relationship. I give people dating advise. Now that I am in a relationship. I don’t know what to do! LOl. Reading this blog, I feel like an alien! LOl, and my guys happened to be a Cali guy too! You know, how tough this much mean for me right? My first relationship after all. 

  • Naya

    So every woman in a relationship is just the receiver of some luck of the Relationship Gods? They’re all just blessed with some guy who is just trying to stay in love. Sorry to burst your bubble dude, but “getting chose” is easy. You must not understand, but getting chose is not where the gloating/excitement/bragging comes from. Oh, and if ya didn’t know, women choose too. Being in a happy RELATIONSHIP takes work on both sides, and if that’s what someone wants to gloat about, you probably should mute those happy people on twitter. Too much salt isn’t good for your blood pressure.

    However, I do agree that people in relationships are not relationship gurus and can only say what works in their own relationships. Those people shouldn’t go around passing off the sequence of events that happened to them as a step by step guide when its unrequited. Just like you can only speak about your perspective and not the perspective of every guy out there.

    *If this was just a fun/senseless piece of writing, simply written to kill time or to earn feedback before using it in a stand-up routine, then disregard all the common sense I just dropped on you.

  • http://www.facebook.com/silveezy Silvia Irene’

    Some people are butt hurt over the blog I see. Well, it was GREAT! write on!!

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  • noname

    this is simple, clear, understandable and easy to read , thank you

  • Sally French

    Omg this blog is so true. I have recently started working at a new place, and I have never met so many saddo’s in my life. There is one girl in particular who is SO boring it is unbelieveable. All she has talked about for the last 6 months is how she is so in love with her boyfriend, how he is so well trained and obeys her, and how they are going to get married, have three children and how she is going to decorate their house. She even brags that she told him that he had to propose to her by the end of the year, and now they are engaged. She thinks she knows it all about relationships. I met a guy a while back and she started telling me what to do, because it had worked for her, and she got offended when I did not take her advice to buy the guy an expensive present after we went out a few times. I mean I thought that was a bit OOT and bunny-boiler-ish.

    I also have another friend who always has a boyfriend, because she basically whores herself out at the club every weekend, and lately she seems to talk to me in a pitiful way as if I am a boring loser who can’t get a man. Well, I beg to differ. I also noticed that a lot of these braggers end up losing their men, or you find out that the relationship was not all it seemed. Those who say that people are jealous and bitter are stupid. If I see two people genuinely happy together I am not jealous, I am happy for them. I have seen real love many times and it makes me smile. It is when someone is excessively bragging/exaggerating (just for the purpose of trying to make other people feel that they have something they don’t) that I get annoyed. For example if my boo bought me some earrings I would wear them, but I would not feel compelled to tell everyone. If people complemented me on them and asked who bought them, then I would say. However, I would not tell the whole world about them, and say how much he loves me, because our relationship is so great blah blah blah yawn……

    I think most of these braggers are just insecure so they just cling to their one trophy “I got a man!” Well guess what we have all had a man at some point or other in our lives. In fact judging by the fact that humans are still on this earth 99% of your sisters all had a man, so get over it. If that sound bitter don’t care there are much more serious things going in the world, and I think braggers need to take a step down and see their relationship in the right context!