What A Man Thinks: The Ex-Girlfriend’s New Guy
Nothing humbles a man more than the news his ex-girlfriend is dating some new guy.
If we receive word from a mutual friend or associate of ours, usually we get a good idea of details and whether or not he measures up to us at least on paper. But sometimes we hear the news from the girl herself, whether she takes it upon herself to tell us she’s found someone new or we inquire about their latest goings on and they casually bring up the news.
This of course causes us to make all sorts of assumptions about about who the mystery man is. Usually, we think he is an actor or a ball player or some magical God on Earth who does both at the same time at the highest level, like Dwyane Wade who is not only an NBA Champion but also an accomplished actor (doubt me and I’ll chalk it up to the fact that you haven’t seen Just Wright).
Ninety-nine percent of the time, men think their ex-girlfriend’s new guy is Alex Rodriguez or some other guy who has the financial means to live life better than us. We also think he’s taller than us. These are facts. I’m sure Shaquille O’Neal (7’1) swore his ex-wife started dating Yao Ming (7’6) when they first separated. That’s just how some of men think. It doesn’t have to make sense. When have we ever made sense?
If it’s not an athlete, it’s some construction worker because we remember the time she got all frustrated we couldn’t hang up her towel rack evenly. Even if we work in construction ourselves, we’re thinking, “So now she’s dating the construction worker with his own television show on HGTV? I knew she was Hollywood.”
Some men will say no such thought has ever occurred to them.
Every time an ex of mine finds a new guy and I hear about it, I’m thinking “So? Morris Chestnut makes horrible movies anyway!” I remember when an ex of mine was bringing her new boyfriend to a party I was attending, and when I arrived, I saw her and thought there was no way the dude standing next to her who only came up to my shoulder was the new guy, I was looking for Brad Pitt. As it turns out, this guy who had to look up to make eye contact with me when I shook his hand was her new boyfriend, which was a relief cause I like Brad Pitt movies and it would be a shame if I was given a reason not to watch them anymore.