Men lie, women lie, we’re all guilty of it. We lie in big ways, we lie in small ways. We lie to get by, we lie to get over. We lie not to argue, we lie to make each other feel better.
That last reason I just wrote is the reason we lie most often. Half the things we say to our significant others isn’t said out of the kindness of our heart but rather the sense in our head. Most of us are familiar with these lies. We say things like, “You look great” when we know the person looks awful, etc.
Well, today, I have decided to uncover one lie men tell all women because I’m tired of telling it myself and with this post I know I will never have to say it again. But I’m not only going to call out the lie for what it is, I’m also going to reveal the truth.
I’d be lying if I said there was a good reason for me doing this, but the truth is, there is no good reason I’m revealing the lie. Men, before you go getting all mad at me, remember, the truth shall set us free.
Because some of you women really just don’t understand how men get heartbroken and the effect it has on their friends. I kind of tried to explain before, in this post, so maybe a few of you came away understanding breakups from a man’s perspective a little better. But today I read an interview by a man who saw his friend heartbroken with his own eyes.
For those who don’t remember, back in June, I put out a search for the future wife of one of my best friends. I wrote:
I really am trying to find a woman my best friend can potentially marry and I am all about using this platform to aid in that search. What I’m not trying to do is establish myself as some sort of matchmaker. That’s not my game here. All I’m trying to do is be a good friend to a man who I consider a brother.
— Click here to refresh your memory
Since then, everywhere I go and every new reader I meet asks me how things went and I’m pleased to annouce everything has worked out beautifully…thus far.
You ever think about some of the things you’re into and wonder if there is something wrong with you? Like people who can’t stop watching random street fights on YouTube or Worldstarhiphop.com. They should know if they surf one of these two sites to try and watch a good street fight every single day, they are sick. Something is wrong with them and if they’re honest enough with themselves, they at least acknowledge they need help.
When it comes to acknowledging the tendency to like what is out of the ordinary or unusual, I will be the first to raise my hand. The following is a list of things I am attracted to in the opposite sex that are either one of those two things — out of the ordinary, unusual. Understand to some, I know a couple of these are don’t seem like they belong on Planet Strange, but if you knew to what extent these things turned me on, you’d probably say they do.
So here it goes, a small list of things to which I have no business being attracted.
I only wanted to share this theory with close friends because most of you have already denounced it from the minute you’ve read the title. But I’ve decided to go to the place most people tell me not to go, which is “there”. By taking it there, I am opening up myself to all types of critical backlash from women who want to tell me they’re single because they want to be and they’re happy being single and as a man, I wouldn’t know the first thing about why they’re single. All good points except for the last one because, well, frankly, I’m a man who can actually do something about your single status but don’t want to largely because you have issues you’re unwilling to resolve. But that’s neither here nor there. Your status is none of my concern, I know, and therefore this theory of mine should be none of yours.
As for the rest of you lovely ladies who do at least welcome the voice of someone who doesn’t sound like your group of girlfriends who harmonize by talking through their nasal passages, I am presenting this theory for you. Most of you all are beautiful. I know this because I meet you in person and you ask me, “Jozen why am I single?” Time and time again I wax poetic on my theories and thoughts after asking some questions about yourself. But from now on I will only respond by saying, “Go to my blog untiligetmarried.com and search “buffet theory”. Your answer is there.” You will respond either one of two ways:
1) You’re a genius, I had no idea this was my problem. Thank you, Jozen.
2) You’re a genius, but I already knew this, because I’m a genius too, which means we should get together.
To the first response, you’re welcome. To the second, you’re tripping.
So here we go with a not necessarily original theory but a twist on presenting it so that maybe some of you single women out there can understand why you’re single. I’ve decided to do this in pictures so that maybe we can all understand things a little better. Some of you have a hard time reading at length, others treat my posts like scripture and end up over-dialoguing on it. Well, goodbye to all that. Here it is, the buffet theory.
The title of this post is to denote two very random thoughts I had separate from one another but before I get into them, a response to some of the friendly and kind criticism I have received for not writing more often and when I do write, keeping the posts short.
People, you must chill.
I’m trying new things here, some of which involve writing shorter because the ability to do so is what separates great writers from people who want to be great writers. Mark Twain once said:
I didn’t have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead
To my readers who have aspirations of writing or are pursuing a career in this field, remember that.
When I feel like I have something thoughtful to write about, I’ll do so at length. Also, I’m thinking about writing more about random topics, even if they have nothing to do with relationships. As most of you know, I write for a living, so I’ve entertained the idea of opening up the blog to include more of the things I write about in the pros. Who knows? Maybe I’ll give some back story behind a story I’ve written for some publication. Be on the look out for that, if it happens at all.
Okay, now that we have the formalities out of the way, onto black boxers and a weird girl I dated in high school.