Why You’re Single and The Buffet Theory
I only wanted to share this theory with close friends because most of you have already denounced it from the minute you’ve read the title. But I’ve decided to go to the place most people tell me not to go, which is “there”. By taking it there, I am opening up myself to all types of critical backlash from women who want to tell me they’re single because they want to be and they’re happy being single and as a man, I wouldn’t know the first thing about why they’re single. All good points except for the last one because, well, frankly, I’m a man who can actually do something about your single status but don’t want to largely because you have issues you’re unwilling to resolve. But that’s neither here nor there. Your status is none of my concern, I know, and therefore this theory of mine should be none of yours.
As for the rest of you lovely ladies who do at least welcome the voice of someone who doesn’t sound like your group of girlfriends who harmonize by talking through their nasal passages, I am presenting this theory for you. Most of you all are beautiful. I know this because I meet you in person and you ask me, “Jozen why am I single?” Time and time again I wax poetic on my theories and thoughts after asking some questions about yourself. But from now on I will only respond by saying, “Go to my blog untiligetmarried.com and search “buffet theory”. Your answer is there.” You will respond either one of two ways:
1) You’re a genius, I had no idea this was my problem. Thank you, Jozen.
2) You’re a genius, but I already knew this, because I’m a genius too, which means we should get together.
To the first response, you’re welcome. To the second, you’re tripping.
So here we go with a not necessarily original theory but a twist on presenting it so that maybe some of you single women out there can understand why you’re single. I’ve decided to do this in pictures so that maybe we can all understand things a little better. Some of you have a hard time reading at length, others treat my posts like scripture and end up over-dialoguing on it. Well, goodbye to all that. Here it is, the buffet theory.
Ladies, when it comes to your options, this is what’s available to you all.
But this is what you choose to eat.
You can have all this
And yet every single time you go to the buffet, you stick to this…
You stick to it because you know you like it. The problem is, so does everyone else, which is one of the reasons you are constantly complaining the good ones are already taken or in jail. Everyone likes fruit, ladies. Jail likes fruit. Perhaps the only people who don’t like fruit are employers, but that’s neither here nor there. Men like fruit. But when’s the last time you saw a guy chilling on a park bench eating an apple? Probably not more recent than you’ve seen a guy on a park bench eating a hamburger. Eventually men will settle down and allow a steady, healthy proportion of fruit into their everyday diet. But while our bodies have yet to get hip to what we are doing to it via our diet, damn, it, look at this…
We may not like everything we try here, but we’re going to know that for a fact before we go to this section over here…
Maybe if you ladies did the same, and actually took advantage of this…
Instead of going back to what’s familiar, i.e. this…
You wouldn’t be so damn hungry all the time.
The theory in short: Quit eating the fruit. You’re at a buffet.
The style of this post has been heavily influenced and inspired by the homie, Rembert and his excellent blog, 500 Days Asunder.