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Archive for November, 2011

Why We Should Not Sleep In The Bed Together At Our Parents House

November 22nd, 2011 13 comments

Folks, it’s that time of year again.

People in new relationships and some in old relationships are gearing up to visit at least one set of parents for Thanksgiving. Out of all the holidays, Thanksgiving is arguably the most communal, providing the perfect opportunity for many new couples to break bread (literately and figuratively) with the new person in our lives. Some of us will be making this more than just a day trip, spending nights at the parents home for a couple of days.

The sleeping arrangements behind this situation are either a judgement call or an established rule. Some of our parents establish a strict two bed, separate room policy if we’re not married. That’s the rule in my household.

Over the years, I have brought home several women to meet my mom. Since she lives in California and all these relationships began on the East Coast, all the visits involved a few nights stay at Casa De Ms. Rita’s. Under her roof, it is her rules. When it came to sharing a bed, hell, when it came to being in a room with the door closed, Ms. Rita has zero tolerance. I was 27-years-old the last time I brought a woman to my mom’s home, the rule was still in effect.

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Online Dating By The Numbers And What They Say About Us

November 16th, 2011 12 comments

On Sunday, The New York Times had a great article about how more and more online dating sites are extracting information from the profiles of members to study “attraction, trust, deception — even the role of race and politics in romance.”

For years, scientists have relied on U.S. Census Data to gauge how and why people come together, and fall in love, but in the study the Times cites, over 1 million dating profiles were researched, and overall, major dating sites like Match.com and OkCupid.com received more than 593 million visits in the United States last month. What this means is now more than ever online dating profiles are probably the best way to learn why and how we fall for one another. ““As more and more of life happens online, it’s less and less the case that online is a vacuum,” Andrew T. Fiore, a professor at Facebook told the Times. “It is life.”

So it is, Andrew. The rest of the article had some very interesting facts, which I couldn’t help but reassess here. Keep in mind, what all this data means is essentially in some form or another, the way we behave online is a lot similar to the way we engage each other in real life. Here are some of those numbers and my thoughts.

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The Misunderstanding of Male Sensitivity

November 15th, 2011 14 comments

So no one will ask me at the end of the article what I think about Drake’s new album, Take Care, let me be clear: I like the album and I’ve had trouble playing anything else since I first listened to my leaked copy last week. Not only do I like the album because of its crisp production and Drake’s better-than-good skills as an MC, I like the album for all the reasons most others say they hate it.

Some say, It’s too emotional; I like it because it’s emotional. Some say he sings on it way too much, I don’t like it when he sings all the time either, but that strike against him isn’t enough to change my overall opinion on the album. Some say the combination of Drake’s emotional lyrics and constant singing make for a soft album, I say the art of the quiet, ambient rap album is under-appreciated, but I digress.

What I appreciate most about Take Care is the way it’s revealing how people really feel about men who not only are expressive about their feelings, but also men who know how to feel something, anything for the women who have come in and out of their life. Before Drake, the most emotional rapper I ever listened to was Tupac, and even if he wasn’t singing on half his records (he usually got singers to handle those duties), he talked about his struggle to make it work with another woman often. For years ‘Pac has been my go-to-artist when I was down about a woman, and by no means does Drake replace him, but he certainly adds to that otherwise small group of artists who can actually rap to how I’m feeling.

Now before everyone gets all up in their chest about me including ‘Pac in the same paragraph as Drake, take heed. By no means am I saying Drake is as good as ‘Pac…matter of fact, let’s move on. If you think that’s what I’m saying you’re not as smart as you think.

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How Not To Get A Woman: The Muammar Qaddafi Problem

November 2nd, 2011 21 comments

Today I caught a clip of Condoleeza Rice on Jon Stewart’s The Daily Show where she was promoting her memoir “No Higher Honor.” Stewart asked Rice about Muammar Qaddafi, who, when he was alive, had what Stewart called a “fixation” on the former Secretary of State, but the word fixation is putting it lightly.

The Civil Rights era folk would call it a “jones”, the hip-hop generation would call it “sprung”, and kids in any high school these days would say Qaddafi was “thirsty”, but no matter which way you spin it, Qaddafi was all about Condi Rice. As she revealed in her interview last night, dude wrote a song for her called “Black Flower In The White House.”

In her book, Rice explains why she was hesitant to make her first trip to Libya.

There were two reasons for this: one traditional and the other, well, a little disconcerting. Obviously, the first visit by a U.S. secretary of state since 1953 would be a major milestone on the country’s path to inter- national acceptability. But Qaddafi also had a slightly eerie fascination with me personally, asking visitors why his “African princess” wouldn’t visit him.

I decided to ignore the latter and dwell on the former to prepare for the trip. The arrangements were not easy, with all manner of Libyan demands, including that I meet the leader in his tent. Needless to say, I declined the invitation and met him in his formal residence.

Later in the book, Rice talks about the visit with the evil dictator himself and the song.

At the end of dinner, Qaddafi told me that he’d made a videotape for me. Uh oh, I thought, what is this going to be? It was a quite innocent collection of photos of me with world leaders—President Bush, Vladimir Putin, Hu Jintao, and so on—set to the music of a song called “Black Flower in the White House,” written for me by a Libyan composer. It was weird, but at least it wasn’t raunchy.

In an interview with ABC News, Rice said when Qaddafi introduced the song he said, “‘I have Libya’s best composer, most famous composer write this song for you,’.”

There is not one part of the story that I DON’T find funny. I mean, don’t get me wrong, Qaddafi was a horrible man, but how can you read any of this and not get a good chuckle? The guy put a full on clinic on how NOT to get a woman. I actually wish Qaddafi would have reached out to me before Condi came to visit and asked me for some advice on how to get her to like him back. Had he done this, I would have told him the following.

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