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The Day A Nation of Exes And Former Lovers Prayed Against Me

In my dating history, there was only one woman who loved the Pittsburgh Steelers as much as I do. How great is her love for the team? She knows the names of offensive linemen.

Most other women I dated fall into one of two categories:

A) They love the NFL, but root passionately for another team.
B) They don’t care about the NFL at all.

(Those wondering why there is no C category listed for women who love football, but hate the Steelers, please note I said women I dated. I would never date a woman who hated the Steelers, at least not while we were actually dating. She can hate them after we breakup.)

When we’re done dating, different story.

Few women need only spend one week in my life before they know I love the Steelers. One-night stands who have come to my apartment know I love the Steelers simply because I tell them if they even think of using the Terrible Towel I have draped over my television as anything more than a place to bow their head in worship, they will politely be escorted out of the premises.

Like most affairs with a mans sports team, the women I dated went from thinking my Steelers devotion is cute, adorable, and manly to stupid, spooky, and childish. In the beginning they all understand, they are all patient, especially because the Steelers are usually a winning team. If you root for a winning team, they always give you a little slack.

When things have come to their end with my lady, they all become turncoats, Benedict Arnolds.

Their negative energy towards me come in the form of hate for my team. What was once quasi-interest in seeing my team do well simply because I cared so much turns into intense hatred for my team because they know if the Steelers lose, my world is dark for at least a day. They probably wish me the best in every other facet of life — i.e. health, career, mental stability — but if the team I root so passionately for ended up being one of the worst franchises in the league for the rest of my life, my exes would know a reason to smile was never too far out of reach.

This is what I think about every time something like this happens.

I’m only posting this video to support the post I’ve written, but I did not watch it. I saw it when it happened yesterday in real time. Watching it again would be like getting in line to put a hot iron on my face. Yes, it hurt that much. I know it’s only a game. I know it’s only a team. But hey, at least when I went to church yesterday, I didn’t pray for a victory. Back in my high school days, I would go to both Saturday and Sunday services in hopes my prayers for victory would be answered. So see, I’m getting better.

Sunday January 8, 2012 will always be remembered as the day a nation of ex-girlfriends and former lovers prayed against yours truly. If any of you are reading this, I hope you’re happy cause I was miserable.

  • Pokey Lokey

    I was at the game in my Steelers gear….Good God that was seriously painful….ugh…

  • Delishiadanielle

    This was so funny!

  • Ashley Arnold

    Lmao…oh, this was rich. 

  • eyekneeduhname

    football is a sport that infuriates me. every time i think i know where the ball is, the play is over and all i see is a massive blob of shoulder pads. it’s like a sea of men in tights meets where’s waldo.

  • Sbediva

    I love this post! My ex was a die-hard Giants fan. Now, I secretly chuckle at every defeat.

  • Guest

    Seeing your favorite team lose does hurt however to see someone be hurt from the loss shows passion coming out of them. Your love for the Steelers shows that you’re very passionate. As I believe Action speaks louder than words, therefore, it wasn’t the prayers that allowed the opponent to win, it was how well they played. if in fact it was the first time the Broncos beat the Steelers, it may have been 1 among the list of first time for everything and the last. Look at it as a bad break up, obviously it didn’t work out because the best is yet to come. Perhaps next year, the Steelers will make you proud.

  • Guest

    Broncos played better than the Steelers which caused the Steelers to lose

  • SRH

    I don’t really care about sports, but my ex belongs to the Steeler Nation. That has nothing to do with why we’re no longer together. In fact, it’s because of him that I like watching football, basketball and baseball games, and can engage in a conversation (listen > talk) when a guy starts to talk about anything sports-related. Aaaaanyway…I found myself yelling at the TV several times last night, especially when the Broncos ran this play.

    I called him this morning to say “Sorry about the game, man.” I know that play cut him deep and he needed time to lick his wounds. He seemed to be OK, but I know he was hurt and pissed. You, too, have my condolences.

  • Gues

    To soothe your pain from being Tebowed, just say the word and you shall be healed “CONGRATULATIONS” – Broncos
    ‘Time heals all wounds’
    “Lord I am not worthy to receive you but only say the word and I shall be healed”

  • Jessica C. Andrews

    this is spot on. my ex was such a jerk and whenever the bulls lose, i smile inside knowing he’s going to have a bad night. terrible, right?