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Sh*t Guys NEVER Say To Girls (#Sh*tguysneversaytogirls)

January 12th, 2012 Leave a comment Go to comments

“Sh*t [insert choice of girls here] Say” has officially jumped the shark, people. We’re amused enough by it to keep watching the various renditions, but we’re all tired of it at the same time. It’s been fun and has had a good run.

Can we move on?

I don’t want to hear about what any other group of girls has to say; not a black girl, not a white girl, not a Latina girl, not an Asian girl. I don’t want to hear what an Asian girl would say to a Latina girl in front of a group of black girls who usually hang out with white girls.

What I want to see is a spin on the meme, a video about things groups of people would never say. For instance: “Sh*t White People NEVER Say To Black People” Example: Yeah, I am a little racist.. or Our first black president, pretty overrated don’t you think?

I’m fully aware a video like this might exist somewhere in the world, but I haven’t seen it. Since I didn’t feel like calling my talented friend Zach to shoot a video for this, I wrote a blog post instead.

So here it is, because I couldn’t resist, a small list of context free phrases of “Sh*t Guys NEVER Say To Girls,” inspired but completely different from the hottest Internet trend on bandwidth.

Oh, and just remember, it’s fine if you don’t think this is funny, it’s unacceptable to take it seriously. Enjoy!


“Can you change the channel from ESPN, please?”

“Don’t get up, baby. I’ll make my own sandwich.”

“When am I going to meet your parents?”

“I can’t wait for you to meet my parents.”

“I’m a virgin.”

“Men can be hoes too.”

“Want to have a race to see who can erase all the phone numbers of their exes first?”

“Why would you need a DNA test when I know the baby is mine?”

“Even if the baby is not mine, you’re my woman, I’ll take care of you.”

“I’ve been with way less partners than you have.”

“Your best friend is fine.”

“Your sister is fine.”

“Your cousin is fine.”

“Let’s find someone to take a picture of us?”

“Me and the guys are getting together to watch the game…at the strip club.”

“Hanging out with you is way more fun.”

“Remember when Project Runway was good?”

“The Notebook, classic.”

“People magazine robbed Ryan Gosling.”

“I’m afraid too.”

“That dress makes you look fat.”

“Duh! If me and you have a threesome with another woman, it’s only right you get to have one with two guys.”

“We shouldn’t sleep together so soon.”

“I know we just met tonight, but will you stay over and have breakfast with me?”

“Your ex-boyfriend was so tall.”

“Don’t go down on me, I stink.”

“You’re the second prettiest girl I’ve ever dated.”

“My fault.”

“You’re right.”

“I’m wrong.”

“I love you.”

“Here’s the key to my place.”

“You don’t have to call whenever you’re about to come over, that’s why I gave you a key.”

“We should just move in together.”

“Will you marry me?”

“Joint bachelor and bachelorette parties?”

  • Ace The Catman


  • Guest

    Perhaps your posting should’ve been been Sh*t Jozen NEVER Say to Girls – Not all guys are like you if you believe you are 1 of a kind. Wouldn’t you rather be 1 of a kind rather than being just like all the rest. 

  • Lindsay

    Hilarious!  While, depending on the guy, some of this stuff could be said, but Majority rules on this one!  As a Woman, It has become a running joke with us and honestly, we would probably pass out if they were serious!

  • Coolhand Luke

    Well done Jozen. That shit made me chuckle. LMAO at, “Duh! If me and you have a threesome with another woman, it’s only right you get to have one with two guys.”

  • Curtis Banks

    HA!!! LMAO!!! TRUTH!!!!

  • Kat Webb

    I’ve had men say at least ten of the things on this list to me, but generally, pretty true.

  • Guest

    you’re an ass

  • Cocofro212

    My favorites are the first two, they go hand in hand. Never fails, my man comes over, turns to ESPN, says ever so nicely “Bay, can you fix me *insert food item* please? *cheek kiss* Thank you baby.” Its a routine I’ve learned to enjoy.

  • Tp7strong7true

    LMBBO…. My favorite is “don’t go down on me, I stink” hahahaha

  • NZM

    LMBO @ “Want to have a race to see who can erase all the phone numbers of their exes first?”…