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If You Want A Man To Wait, Be Interesting (#OccupyThatMind)

January 19th, 2012 Leave a comment Go to comments

Let’s resign ourselves to the idea all men care about is one thing. We know what that is, but we underestimate the extent to which it dominates a man’s thoughts.

Women get frustrated, not because they don’t think about the same thing. They most certainly do, usually when they are alone and bored. When with a man, especially a man they just met, they tap into a different part of their mind.

Even if she knows she wants to have sex with the guy, a woman controls her desire. She wants to talk about other things. The problem is these are things a man usually has no interest in talking about, like his five year plan or her five year plan.

No man wants to talk about that. Not on the first date. The first date may be too soon to talk about sex, but five year plans? Let us all do better and try harder.

Men and women are both guilty of having one track minds. Where we differ is the destination. Women want us to steer our minds in the direction they are going, but asking for such a thing is pointless because the whole reason we ask a woman out in the first place is because we want to have sex with her at some point.

Men don’t order meals they don’t want to eat, we don’t ask out women with whom we don’t want to have sex.

So this one track mind us men are guilty of having, we keep it under wraps, out of respect for the woman. The problem is waiting for her can feel like a daunting task if she does not do anything to hold our interest.

For far too long women have been told, “Make a man wait for it.” The problem is, they don’t know how to make a man wait without losing him.

Here’s the solution: Occupy that mind.

The length of time a man waits for a woman is directly linked to the length of time a woman holds his interest.

Women, you are interesting and the man you are going out with, there’s a good chance he is interesting too. He thinks about sex a lot, but there are other things on his mind, things like his career, his hobbies, his passions. Sometimes all these things are rolled into one, other times they are separate subjects. Either way he has them, and it’s a woman’s job to ask him questions about them.

The only thing men care about more than sex is themselves. We love to talk about ourselves because it is what we know best, and all men like like to sound smart. It does not matter if we are a financial analyst or the manager of an Applebee’s, keep asking us questions about something like the ins and outs of our job, and watch us go on and on about the foreign markets or what makes those skillets come out of the kitchen sizzling.

Another hard truth: A man does not want to get to know a woman until after she sleeps with him. Taking it back to the food analogy. We really give a damn what farm the steak came from, does it taste good? If it tastes great, then maybe we will ask our waiter where that beef came from, but not a second before we know if it is good or not.

In order to get to know us more, a woman has to ask keep asking questions until she gets to the “loose string question”.

The loose string question unravels all the details we are trying to hide about ourselves. Here’s an example of my own loose string question:

HER: What is your favorite football team?

ME: The Pittsburgh Steelers

HER: Aren’t you from California though?

ME: Yes.

HER: Then why the Steelers?

ME: It is a family thing.

The answer I gave just set up a multitude of directions we can go in from here. Here are some suggestions as to where she can go and my likely response.

ME: I’m not feeling well, I should go home.

THE WOMAN WHO JUST WANTS SEX: Real Steelers fans have Steelers sheets on their bed.
ME: My place. Now.

THE WOMAN WHO IS INTERESTING: My family roots for the Ravens.
ME: I hate the Ravens, but why is your family Ravens fans?

Notice how the last response has put me in a position where I now have to ask questions, which increases the potential for a whole conversation centered on something other than sex?

Look, ladies, thinking about something other than sex is not our job, it is yours. If a woman actually made herself interesting or took an interest in us in a way that does not scream, “I’M HOLDING BOYFRIEND TRYOUTS AND YOU’RE THE LATEST CONTESTANT” we would actually stick around for a very long time, even after she decides to give it up.

Now here is where people want to tell me everything I’m saying is wrong.

The reason we can wait is because we are sleeping with another woman. True, but I know for a fact, a lot of women can make a man wait because they are sleeping with another man. I have been the other man, I know these things. The question is, after we’re done sleeping with the other woman, why would we go back to the woman who is making us wait? Because she’s more interesting than the other women we have around.

Sex actually has very little to do with the results we seek. Whether we have sex quickly or we wait until the mythical right time, the only reason we stay, the only reason we come back is because we are interested in her and she is interested in us. She occupies our mind in ways no one else does.

  • Kat Webb

    the whole reason we ask a woman out in the first place is because we want to have sex with her at some point.”

    Really? Y’all seriously don’t have any affection or INTEREST in HER, just the nookie? That’s sad. Also a little insulting… 🙁

  • Ray P

    If a woman isn’t interesting then the only thing you’ll want from her is sex, but if she is interesting then the wanting sex from her is just an added bonus imo.

  • Ne

    Alright, I can dig it. I’m glad you didn’t leave out the part about sleeping with the other chick. Funny thing is, I’m completely ok with ‘Occupy the Mind’ & let that other chick occupy the other stuff. Yea, I said it!

  • Betroit

    The key phrase in that sentence is “at some point”. Yes we have to believe that there is something interesting or attractive about you to ask you out but if we can’t see ourselves sleeping with you then that woman does not get asked out

  • ThisIsTee1

    Come now, Kat.  Let’s ALL be honest here.  I mean, would you accept a date from a man you didn’t “find attractive”?  (find attractive = womanspeak for “possibly want to have sex with”)  What do we think attraction means, at least on a base level?  As brash as it may sound, this article is just honest.  Any person that you choose to spend your time with should have some redeeming qualities, whether it be the prospect of sex, as it is for a lot of people (not just men) or the prospect of interesting, engaging conversation.  Both can be equally stimulating.  For a mature person getting both is a bonus.  I’ll even go a step further.  I’m not even FRIENDS with people I don’t find interesting, so……..

  • Ray P

    This post came at an important time for me as I’m in a similar situation now. The person I’m dealing with is amazing, and definitely has me interested and I’m willing to hang around because of that. Granted, I’m tryinh to occupy the box at some point, for now I’m enjoying her company and getting to know her.

  • Kat Webb

    I did not say I have an issue with men wanting to sleep with women or women wanting to sleep with men. But he wrote “THE WHOLE REASON” and that, to me, is problematic. But maybe to you, it’s just honest. I would not go out on a date with an ATTRACTIVE man (read: one I want to have sex with) if I didn’t like SOMETHING ELSE about him also.

  • LivingGirlfriend

    Though there is some truth in this post.  I can still tell you are very young and young minded and not that type of man that will ever get out of the “until”.  You are not the marrying type.  #ijs

  • JP Fairfield

    Seriously, it’s the woman’s job… I’m sorry but I really have issues with gender roles being place upon certain “behaviors” and whatnot.  Is the woman the only one on this date?  I don’t want to be on a date or sleep with a guy who thought they just had to look “manly”, pay the bill, and give me a compliment to keep me interested.  Nor, do I want to be stuck with someone who endlessly talks about themselves & I feel like they have no regard or interest in me.  You don’t ask me any questions.. I don’t think you’re interested so why waste any more breathe. 

    I want to be on date with someone (whether they thinking about sexing me down right then & there) where there is mutual engagement.  We are bouncing off each other’s energy.  It’s both of our jobs…

    We all think about sex and women do not have this special superhuman ability to stop all sexy thoughts.  We just have been conditioned in society to believe that.  Men are perfectly capable… trust me.. I’ve been on the side where I could do nothing else but think about sex and they had to throw cold water on my fire.  The reason was they really like me and knew sex would just complicates things.  They knew their limits which made them much more interesting.   

    Sorry I ramble… 

  • Anonymous

    You made a very valid point… yes this is coming from a woman. Because we would be lying if we said we would give the booty up to someone who isn’t attractive on the first date. He better grab my attention. Lets be adults right. And ok if the guy were attractive, did you really find alot about him to just give it up or you want to wait? So its true. Keep me/you interested.

  • ThisIsTee1

    I would not go out on a date with an ATTRACTIVE man (read: one I want to have sex with) if I didn’t like SOMETHING ELSE about him also….”I can agree with that.  That’s also the main difference between women and men on a strictly “animal” level.  So, to me, the post still rings true.

  • nessa

    There is a whole lot of overgeneralizing going on here. I’m not even gonna get into the misogyny of this blog, it just reeks of arrogant macho entitlement. A successful and engaging days is a 2 way street. And you seem to think you know far too much about what “all” men and women want. But u oversimplify both men and women so much that honestly, it’s very dehumanizing for both men and women. We are all complex creatures, intellectually and sexually. Don’t take that away from women or your fellow men.

  • LivingGirlfriend

    what are you saying? *blank stare*

  • LivingGirlfriend

    I wholeheartedly agree with this. Beside being poorly written, this is where the post really went downhill:

    “A man does not want to get to know a woman until after she sleeps with him.”

    This statement is disgusting and disheartening. It makes it sounds as though a woman should stay mute until she pays a “p*ssy tax” to be allowed to express her likes, wants, and needs. This is misogyny in its purest form…

    and fyi, if I have to pull teeth to find out why you are a Steelers fan, the date is already going poorly and you are the one that is NOT interesting…and you waiting for booty will not be an issue. You will be waiting for a return phone call/text. NEXT!!! These are issues for young “boys” and the young minded women that would put up with it.

  • Guest

    The best part about this post is the last paragraph which summed up why it’s important for a woman to show their best impression about themselves. Making a great impression makes a lasting impression which could potentially lead to one’s best interest. 

  • Anonymous

    Its not that arrogant, he’s disclosing an opinion if anything. The topic is about the interest before sex. Its the same interest that you have to keep making as well as in the relationship if it occurs. I.e: you’ve waited to have sex with a guy and it was horrible! But you continued to date him. Why? His personality. What Jozen is saying to sum it up is that your first impression is golden. And after that first imperssion what more are you going to show me.

  • Anonymous

    Ok that statement can touch a nerve but not enough to make it degrading. Because woman think the same. Sexual orientation ,describes an enduring pattern of attraction—emotional, romantic, sexual, or some combination of these In my pervious comment, its is opinion. And yes Jozen makes it very clear his a steelers fan so he used it as an example. You like him and want to reel him in Have football talk every now and then. . Its not that serious. Its easier to have a conversation about your hobbies or interest than about your 5 year plan.

  • YoungGiftBlack

    The other main difference in man/woman is that at the first sight of meeting a man; the female decides in her head if he could/could not get it. Meaning before she gets to know him on any level; that first determination gets the ball rolling. There is a difference in COULD and WOULD. Could meaning, if he plays his cards right according to her standards or morals then everything is a go. Would meaning; no matter the circumstances. So the dating part for men is good because it does allow us to see you past the sex appeal. But if your not interesting then and we cant converse freely then sex is on the front of the brain instead of middle or back.

  • Guest

    your comment speaks the truth – the problem with this post is the writer  is only writing from his perspective 

  • Antjeff

    You’re funny. I would bet money you are very very single

  • Kthomas8433

    Ha, as a fellow virgin….definitely like this post, and agree with the post. Guys ask me why I’ve had successful relationships with guys with no sex….uh cause’ I can occupy their mind 😉

  • Clspan_2008

    I don’t understand why people seem to be offended. The post is entitled: “if you want a man to wait, be interesting” so why are people commenting about how guys should be interesting too? That’s a given and that wasn’t the point of the post. It was never said that guys shouldn’t be interesting. It just tells women to be interesting. I find it funny when people call people childish based on their opinions. Although sometimes they are childish most times the issue is we just don’t agree. Part of maturing is respecting opinions/choices whether or not you agree with them. Especially when they in no way affect you… At the end of the day the best way to keep someone (male or female) around is by maintaining their interest. The fact that they want to have sex with you indicates an attraction. Most of us only approach people to whom we’re attracted. Idk why we as females act like we don’t. We may not say “I want to have sex with him” but more than likely we said “He’s cute!” Both are superficial reasons. Wow people are sensitive. 

  • Pingback: Maintaining the Interest…It’s a Mutual Responsibility Maintaining the Interest…It’s a Mutual Responsibility « IfThoughtsCouldKill()

  • Ms Rae

    “Sex actually has very little to do with the results we seek. Whether we have sex quickly or we wait until the mythical right time, the only reason we stay, the only reason we come back is because we are interested in her and she is interested in us. She occupies our mind in ways no one else does.”
    Interested in what would be my question? Interested in personality or interested in more sex? Simply being interested is to broad of a reason to stay. You’re right, there is no “right time” to have sex, but once that line is crossed, I think everyone’s “interest” change. I’ve seen it happen, and its definitely happened to me before. I feel like it doesn’t matter if I keep you keep your mate’s mind occupied, they want what they want. I would argue this is where communication is the key, but sometimes its not. Being honest with yourself and each other…which is something a lot of people have a hard time doing. 

  • Maiami

    Why she was defending people. He was dehumanzing people, and retorted to a reductionist argument about humans. Why does that make her single. Also what’s wrong with being single. If being in relationship define who you are, then I feel so sorry for you. He did over generalize, HOW is that funny? Do you lack intelligence?

  • TinaMA213

    The misogyny in your blog disgust me. You feel you’re entitled to women bodies. God you must be single. I’m not a circus clown, I am not here to keep you entertained. If you’re such a insecure, emasculated loser that you need women to entertain you then you need professional help. But okay 2 can play at this game. In order for you to keep women interested, be sure to be financially secure and be successful(at least a masters, making 6 figures, drive bad ass cars, have a bad ass bank account, have a big dick, got a bomb personality, must be prince charming). After all us women don’t want a scrub. After all, when women wants these things, it becomes an issue, because most of you can’t measure up. But when we complain it’s an issue. Also sexism towards men doesn’t exist, just like heterophobia and reverse racism. It DOES not exist. :333

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