Five Reasons I Want A Woman Who Can Whoop A**
So as part of my ongoing efforts to stay in shape, I decided to enroll in some mixed martial arts classes. (Those who don’t know what mixed martials arts is, Google is your friend.) Though a major reason for my enrollment is to challenge myself while picking up a new skill set, I am also doing it to make my lady feel safer.
That’s right. This, like most other things men do, is for the lady in my life. I know MMA does not guarantee I win any and every fight I get into on the street and I’m still all about non-violence. But if my woman sees me undergoing all this training, I imagine she feels a little safer knowing I know how to take a punch, defend a punch, and throw one myself.
As I prepare to undergo training for my benefit and her safety, I had an epiphany. When I began to get in shape, my desire for women doing the same increased. Now as I prepare to learn how to deflect kicks and choke someone out like a master, I realize a woman who knows how to do the same might be . I know this may seem like a strange want, and not a very feminine one at that, but here are five reasons I would appreciate a Laila Ali or Gina Carano in my life.
Because I Would Worry Less
Let’s say I get sick in the middle of the night, so sick I can’t even leave the bed, and the problem is we don’t have any medicine. My woman tells me don’t worry, she’s going to make a quick run to 7-Eleven, and pick me up some of whatever I need. When she leaves our place at 3 a.m., I don’t want to be sick AND worried about her. If she knew how to defend herself, I could worry a little less about her and focus more on being sick in peace.
Because If We Have Kids, Daddy and Mommy Can Keep Them Safe
Remember how when we were kids, we would sometimes make promises about our parents we didn’t know they were capable of keeping? I used to say my Mom and Pop could beat up anyone else’s parents anytime, anyplace. For my Pop, I knew this was true, because with my own eyes, I saw him wash a couple of dudes. With my mom, I just assumed she could, not because I saw her fight. She’s a lady. But Ms. Rita has a look when she gets angry, and it’s convincing enough to avoid testing her. Now that I’m out here in this world looking for a potential mother for my future kids, it’s not fair for me to expect a woman to have the “don’t even think about it” look like my mother has. After all, Ms. Rita’s ability to do so is God given. But what I can expect is for my children to know they can trash talk on behalf of both Daddy and Mommy. Every child deserves this.
Because There Are Positive Side Effects
If you watch MMA, you will notice not all fighters are chiseled specimens looking like they were birthed from rocks. What it’s really about is strength and ability. So when I say I want a woman who knows how to throw hands, I’m not saying I want a woman with whom I can compare six-pack abs. I still like a soft exterior, it would just be nice if I knew her interior, the cardiovascular system, was also in tip-top shape.
Because When We’re Done Arguing We Can Make Up Like This
Still one of the greatest love scenes in the history of cinema.
Because We Need The Best Seats Possible At The Movies
I’ve talked about seat divas before, the kind of women who go into a theater and demand 12 people slide over so her and I can sit, knowing good and well we can go sit in another row where two seats are empty right next to each other. Seat divas are fine with me. I love a good seat diva, but I can’t say I never get butterflies when my woman screams, “Excuse me, is someone sitting there? No? Okay, can everyone just move over?” I always worry some woman is going to say, “Actually, this seat is for my coat. But there’s plenty of other seats.” Next thing I know, my woman is looking like Ron Artest at the Malice in the Palace. I would hate to see it, and of course I would try to hold her back. But what if the butter on my fingers from the popcorn I’ve been eating makes it impossible for me to hold my woman back? Should this happen, I’d at least like to know the woman who didn’t want to move her coat is about to get both seats taken by my woman. I want to know we’re safe in any theater where we go to watch a movie and if my woman wants a specific pair of seats, we can get them, no problem.