You’re Going To Break A Heart One Day
No one ever tells you that about love. Folk say, “Protect yourself, protect your heart, be careful, don’t get hurt.” And that’s fine, necessary even, but someone needs to teach the kids how to deal with the pain they will one day cause.
This isn’t about men or women. This is about heartbreakers, and the people who are courageous enough to fill a role they never intended to play. No one signs up to get their heart broken, but no one understands, the sign-up sheet to break someone’s heart is nameless too. And it’s difficult for the victim to get that you too never saw it coming, and even when you did, you did your best to look the other way and keep pushing forward.
You said, “I love you” and you meant it, to your detriment. Because you still mean it now, but you’re about to follow those words up with some more words that will break their heart and now, your love is forever shady. Nothing is more crushing than someone you love saying you don’t. So you stay, and you say “I love you” again, and again, because “I love you” is easier to say than “I can’t love you anymore.”
You’re so afraid of being the bad guy, you do good for someone else over what is good for yourself. The sign says it is time to go, and yet, you stay because you don’t want to miss them. But knowing you’re going to miss someone is no reason to stay with them. You have to go while it is still voluntary to do so, because the path you’re on is leading you to being forced out.
One day, you’re going to be on the receiving end of some pain, and you will internalize it so deeply, doctors will see it in your ex-ray. You will never forget what it feels like, and long after you can’t feel it anymore evidence of said pain will remain like a bad tattoo purchased on your drunkest night.
What’s sick is, you’re going to administer the same type of pain to someone else one day. Imagine that? In your right mind, you would never wish such a thing on anyone else, but when you’re in love, all bets are off. You have to go into the relationship with no fear of losing, which doesn’t mean you think you’re not going to lose, it just means you’re not afraid to do so. It’s not that forever isn’t a reality, it’s just that never is also a reality, and the day you decided to be with this person is the day you said you would be willing to accept either outcome.
And this is going to hurt you, but know your role. You were the heart breaker, this was your fault, so the damage you caused, as much as it caused you, keep it to yourself. No one cares how you’re doing and no one feels sorry for you.
Should you decide to ever change your mind, and ask the person whose heart you broke to come back into your life, realize, they trust you less than they did before. They live in fear you will do what you did again, and this will frustrate you because as sure as you wanted to leave, you were even more sure when you asked to come back. So they take you, with reservation. Accept it. You did not cheat, you did not lie, but you did break their heart with honesty, and so for a long while, they will remain afraid of your truth surfacing again. They’re afraid you will wake up one day and blindside them with the astonishing fact that you don’t know what you want.
But deal with it all.
Understand in the wake of making someone feel bad, you are not necessarily a bad person. You can do this with class, you can do this with dignity, you can do this with respect, but above all else, remember, you can do this. That last fact is the most important. It takes courage, it takes guts, and as ironic as it may sound, it takes heart. It is not easy to do the right thing when someone says you’re wrong, but don’t mistake right and wrong with fact and fiction. Fact: You can’t go on anymore. Fiction: You can keep going.
No one tells you for every heart you break, a piece of yours must be sacrificed as well, but therein lies the rub. You’re going to break a heart one day, and you will find, it feels no different than getting your heart broken.
If you call
don’t be frustrated at me
just leave your heart at the beep
cause mine is harder to reach
cause mine is harder to see.