Respecting The Lingerie
I showed up at his door drunk, in heels, a trench coat, and underneath, a brand new piece of lingerie I bought. And can you believe this fool wanted to just talk? — true story from a female friend.
Dude, she had on some lingerie, but I told her she didn’t need all that, just get naked. — true story from another friend
I bought a new lingerie set, and you had the nerve to tell me you were too tired. — true story that happened to me in college
Fellas, enough is enough. The women are out there talking bad about us, putting less effort than ever in their nightwear and it’s our fault. We have no one else to blame but ourselves, because we have found some way to disrespect the lingerie.
Now before I go any further, let me stress, I am not speaking to all of you guys out there. I know some of you men love lingerie, respect it even. To you, hats off. Your father taught you well, and you also clearly do not have any access to Internet p0rn.
As for the rest of us, we’ve become desensitized to the lace. We’ve seen a lot, done even more, and now we’re acting like spoiled children. I know this because this is how I’ve acted in the past.
I’ve been a fairly outspoken advocate against lingerie for various reasons. My biggest complaint has been the way women use it as a gift. Lingerie isn’t a gift, ladies. It’s wrapping paper. The gift is underneath, and if I’ve had the gift a thousand times, the idea that the new wrapping paper is going to excite me is slimmer than her g-string. I also am a fan of the sweatpants and a tank-top aesthetic, the way it screams, “I’m down for whatever.” That look has the feel of a quiet indie film with the potential of an explosive ending. Lingerie? Not so subtle. Huge production, something like a Jerry Bruckheimer film.
But, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that just because I have this unfavorable opinion about lingerie does not mean I should go around disrespecting it, acting like my woman just didn’t put in all this effort to please my eyes. That’s a jerk move, and exactly the type of thing that encourages her to wear it for someone else who would appreciate it.
Back in the day, our grandfathers, fathers, and uncles treated lingerie with some appreciation. It was a special occasion, and they acted accordingly. If they were tired, they did some pushups or jumping jacks to get ready. If they were overly excited and anxious, they did some breathing exercises to get things under control. They didn’t go to sleep, they didn’t rip off the lingerie. They peeled it off, and stayed up all hours of the night to show their appreciation.
Now look at us: the grandsons, sons, and nephews. We’re treating lingerie as though it’s nothing special. Maybe it’s because we live in an over-sexualized culture these days, and a lot of young ladies are walking the streets in denim lingerie just to run an errand. More specifically, some of us have gotten around so much, lingerie isn’t even special anymore. Still, that’s no reason to disrespect the legacy of our elders. If the older men in our lives knew the way we treated lingerie, they would ground us.
The blasé attitudes towards garter belts and see-throughs need to cease, if only because it will affect the attitude of women everywhere. The less we care about lingerie, the less women will wear it, the more mismatched panty-and-bra sets we will see, and men, we do not want to see things go there. That is a dark world.
They are also losing their respect for us with every slight, every rejection. There they stand, right in front of our televisions, with something so silky it looks like we can drink it, and we tell them to move because we want to catch the highlights from the game we missed. Next thing you know, she’s searching for trips to Jamaica on Hotwire.
Fellas, join me in doing better. If we keep on acting like we’re too good for lingerie, women will think lingerie is good for nothing. We need to let our women know, we love the lingerie they wear for us, we respect it, and we covet it. From now until forever let’s ask for more lingerie, not less, and when the women supply our demands, let’s act like we know what to do, and do it better than that.