Girls You Shouldn’t Fall For: The One Looking and Hoping for a Boyfriend
Let’s unpack some myths and facts before we get into it.
MYTH: All women want to be in a relationship.
FACT: Not all women want to be in a relationship.
MYTH: Women who don’t want to be in a relationship are not worth dating.
FACT: The best woman to take out on a date is the woman who is not searching for a relationship.
I know it may seem like a backwards idea, dating a woman who doesn’t want to be in a relationship, who isn’t hoping for a boyfriend and thinks she has no room in her life for one. If you’re one of those guys who actually wants to be in a relationship, who feels ready for a girlfriend, this idea may seem even more nonsensical. Because if you’re looking for a serious relationship with a woman, why not go for the woman who is looking to be in a serious relationship with a man?
The answer is simple: The woman who is looking for a boyfriend has an agenda.
A woman who plans her love life like she plans her weekend is a scary thing, not because commitment is scary, but because she is allowing her head to captain a journey her heart should be steering. Should I get into a relationship with this type of woman, I’m not her man so much as I’m some character in this fairy tale life she is writing every single day.
There is nothing wrong with the woman who has a plan. Plans are good, healthy even! They show organization, diligence, and a couple of other positive qualities that reflect good character. But plans are for careers, events, and traveling. Plans are not for relationships, at least not getting into them. What is good for relationships is love; genuine, heartfelt, requited love.
True love cannot be planned.
I don’t want to be a part of some woman’s schedule, I want to be a part of her life in a genuine and real way. I don’t want a woman who is waiting for a man, I want a woman who was too busy to ever see me coming, but once I arrived, was more than happy I’m in the house.
There was a woman I used to date with whom I always felt this strong connection, something unique and different from the others I previously dated. She wanted us to be in a relationship but because her career was moving her thousands of miles away from me, I didn’t feel comfortable committing. She thought a long distance relationship was going to be easy. I knew from past experiences it wouldn’t be easy. Whenever we had this difficult conversation, her usual line of attack would begin with shots at my feelings for her. She always said if I really cared about her as much as I said I did, I would give it a shot, regardless of what I went through before her.
Point for her.
Eventually, her frustration boiled over to another problem she had with me and my unwillingness to get into a relationship with her: I wasn’t working on her schedule, the one she probably concocted years ago with one of her girlfriends while painting each other’s toe nails at a sleepover.
Point taken away from her.
Her original point about how if I wanted to be in a relationship with her I would make it work, no matter the distance, became flimsier with every mention she made of how she wanted to be married by a specific year and have a family by another year. What was even more insulting was how she suggested because I didn’t want to be in a relationship with her, I didn’t want to get married or have a family either.
I want to get married.
I want a family.
I have always wanted those things, except for the years in my life when I knew I wanted to be single, and even then, I was open to the idea of a woman topsy-turving my plans. Being raise in an environment where the idea of family was fluid and unstable for so many years, I have wanted nothing more than one woman to call my wife and a family to call my own.
But what I want most of all is the thing that great families and great marriages are built upon: That love.
There’s not a man in the world who doesn’t want a good woman who loves him, some men want it so bad, they’ll accept it from a woman who has it all planned out. Usually these men have their own plan too, and they just want a woman who is down with the program. Godspeed to them two and their plans.
But for the rest of us, I suggest we remain steadfast in our approach to life. It’s not that we have have no plan, it’s just we’re not willing to put some things on a plan; love is one of those things.
The woman I have always been drawn too is not unavailable, she’s unafraid. She is unafraid of me, she is unafraid of love, because love can be a scary thing to a lot of people, but I’m not afraid of letting it in and I’m not afraid of letting it go. I’m willing to accept getting love wrong if only because I believe that’s one step closer to getting it right. Love is too sacred to schedule, too precious to plan.
Don’t be submit to some woman’s man draft, don’t even pay attention to a woman who has one. No matter how good a woman is, if she made plans for you before she even met you, she might not be good for you.