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All The Talks We Had About Our Future

Remember when the past was the present and how we would talk about the future?

In those moments, we discussed everything: Me. You. Who would be invited to see me and you as we prepared to live life together as one.

We talked a lot about those times, with no hint of uncertainty. Somehow we knew, or rather, we felt like with the exception of the bare ring fingers we had at the moment, our future would look no different than our present.

To be fair, it was me who spoke the most of what we could be, of what I wanted us to be. You have to understand, at the moment I said anything to you, it was coming from a sincere place. I could have been strapped into a lie detector test, and the results would have showed, I never lied. I meant it when I said I could see us getting married. I meant it when I said I could live anywhere in the world with you. I meant it when I said my mother is going to love you when she meets you.

But we’re not together anymore, so getting married seems impossible. We never moved, and my mother only asks when is the last time I talked to you.

And now you think I lied to you back then; all those things I said were just things I said because they sounded good and were fun to say.

You could not be more wrong.

There is a difference between a lie and a change of heart. Back then, I never lied, and right now, I’m not lying when I say that. What also was not a lie was when I said we could no longer be. We could always talk about what caused me to steer my life in another direction, but right now I would rather not. Instead, I thought you might want to know the reasons why I filled your head with all these plans of a life together only to break them.

Us men, we get ahead of ourselves at times.

I don’t know what I was thinking back then, but again, this goes back to what I was feeling. I can’t remember exactly what my plans were the night we met, but I remember all those plans changing the first time you smiled at me. If I recall, I probably had plans to be with someone else later that night, but five minutes into our introduction, I tore up my to-do list, made a new one, and here is what it said:

TO-DO LIST

1) Being with her

Soon after that night, we became inseparable and soon after that, we found ourselves talking all the time about our future plans as individuals, and then those talks became about a future together. Maybe I should have not said anything but the fact is if I didn’t feel like we had a future together, a present between us would have ceased to exist.

All the talks we had about the future were theories in hindsight. But just because they didn’t come into fruition does not mean they were a waste or a lie. I don’t think it was ever a mistake to discuss the future with you, even though it is now in the past. The reality is, when I said I could be with you forever, I was sharing with you my dreams, dreams that did not come true, but still, dreams I had of you.

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  • Emailyouremail

    Oh man, I needed to read this. I was in a relationship where we spoke of the same things. Due to distance, our plans didn’t become a reality and well, we chose to go our separate ways (my decision). I dissected the ending of our time together and, at times, concluded that he never REALLY meant any of those things. I realize, especially after reading this, that I’m just doing a number on myself. We got ahead of ourselves and it just didn’t work out. It’s as simple as that. Thank you for writing this!

  • Ladybird

    *sigh* perfect timing as usual. I see you didn’t change the line…it works, so you didn’t need to.  Just my untrained opinion. Good post sir!

  • http://twitter.com/SimplyAnthony Div ONE-A

    Easily one of the realest blog posts I’ve ever read. Been in this situation a time or two and never had the word to articulate the change of heart. 

  • Jilly8787

    Funny you posted this on my most significant ex’s birthday. I sent him the link. I’m sure he’ll like it too.

  • ThinkLikeaLady

    Which is exactly why it’s best to never invest too much into it when they say it. Until there is actually a ring, it’s all just air talk.

  • http://twitter.com/JJLouis Jasmine M.

    Thank you for this

  • LM

    definitely touched that sensitive memory I try to forget. I’ve gotten ahead of myself and also been on the receiving end. Never lies..just a change of heart.

  • Laney

    I’d like to thank you for posting this. I’m going through something quite similar to this only that I’m the one at the receiving end. For the longest time, I have been trying to figure out what happened. Replaying moments in my head where it could have gone wrong, and I couldn’t find a good enough reason, so it was harder for me to be at peace with the situation.

    We made plans, lists, talks about the future…then all of a sudden everything goes out the window. I asked him if what we had, what we had talked about…was it real? He said at the time it was. I was so hurt, I tried convincing myself he was lying. I made him an antagonist in my mind just so it would be easier to let go. 

    Reading this…he definitely had a change of heart, and he was right…maybe it was real at the time. There’s no reason to be bitter or to be mad at him. What we had just wasn’t enough to last a lifetime. 

  • Guest

    wow…… I never thought about it like this…very insightful. I’m definitely gonna pass this along.

  • BLAGA

    I think you are a selfish person. Deep down you knew you didn’t feel the same way she did, you just wanted your cake and eat it too. Are you gonna be inseparable with your next girlfriend, make plans of moving in or marriage?You really need to grow up before your next girlfriend become just another post on your blog!!!