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Archive for May, 2012

Let Your Woman Wear What She Wants

May 29th, 2012 5 comments

One of my favorite bits by Martin Lawrence is this joke he does about his girl wearing what he calls a “f*ck him dress.”* For those who don’t know what the “f*ck him dress” is, it’s basically the most provocative, edgiest, borderline-inappropriate dress in their wardrobe. Put another way, it’s the dress a woman puts on when she’s mad at her man. When she slips it on, it’s her way of saying “f*ck him.”

My first encounter with the “f*ck him dress” came in the midst of one of the worst arguments between an ex and I. To make up for some transgressions we don’t need to get into right now, I treated my ex to a day at the spa (No, that’s not how I usually apologize. Yes it was that bad.) Since I had some flowers to give her too, I told her to meet me at the spa. When she showed up, it was in a short, pink number I never saw before. The dress was so damn eye-catching I actually saw people looking at her before I saw her myself. She was making every single head turn and not in a “what is she wearing” type of way, but more so a “why is she walking alone” type of way. Keep in mind, this was in the middle of like a Thursday afternoon.

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Categories: women Tags:

What’s Worse, Job Loss or Relationship Loss?

May 24th, 2012 7 comments

In 2008, I went through the most dramatic breakup I ever experienced. Long time readers are very familiar with my ex who lived with me for about a year. I’ve told stories on this blog of our tumultuous time together. As with most relationships, there were good times and bad times, but in the end, I grew frustrated with the bad times, acted out, and she moved out and broke up with me accordingly. The breakup wasn’t anything compared to the aftermath, the struggle of getting over what happened and moving on. If I had to guess how long it took, I would say 2.5 years is about right.

In 2009, I was an editor at VIBE. I loved everything about my job from my coworkers to my responsibilities, but all of it came to an end at a moment’s notice on a random day in June. That’s when I, along with the staff, were told VIBE would be closing. As most know, VIBE is back up and running, but I never went back to the company in a full time capacity. Instead, I attempted to establish myself as a freelancer while also finding some temporary stints of employment for various media companies, the most recent of which was last year at The Huffington Post.

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Categories: Life Tags:

How To Cheat On Her With Yourself And What To Do If You Get Caught

May 21st, 2012 3 comments

If I have to spell out exactly what I mean by the title of this post, chances are, you are a prude. Also, Mom, sister, family, former teachers, role models, stop reading now. I’m not about to say anything unnatural, but, yeah, ;et’s just say this isn’t a conversation we would ever have in person so please, stop reading.

Right now.

Thanks.

(No, stop, seriously.)

For those who aren’t prudes or play any of the roles in my life I mentioned above, let’s move on.

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Categories: guys Tags:

Hannibal Buress On Scarlett Johansson, Other Women, Internet Hookups and His Best Date Ever

May 18th, 2012 1 comment

MARCH 29, 2014 UPDATE: Hannibal Burress’s brand new one-hour stand up special, “Live From Chicago” is premiering on Comedy Central at 11:59 PM. To see clips and even buy the special directly for only $5, click here.

For those not familiar with the name Hannibal Buress, allow me to run down some of his resume:

Writer for “30 Rock” and “Saturday Night Live”
Stand-up comedian, most recently on tour with Aziz Ansari
Winner of the 2012 Comedy Award for Best Club Comedian
One of Chris Rock’s favorite comedians
Mortal enemy of Young Jeezy

If you’re still not impressed, you’re probably a hater. Or maybe you need a little more than accolades and my tasteful cosign before you believe he’s funny. Well, pay attention this Sunday when Buress’s 1-hour stand-up special, “Hannibal Buress: Animal Furnace” premiers on Comedy Central at 11 p.m.. Then, after the special, change the channel to Adult Swim at 12:30 a.m. to see Buress as a co-host on the premier of “The Eric Andre Show,”, which is sure to be the weirdest late night talk show on television.

Long time readers may remember an interview I did with Kevin Hart back in 2010. Seeing as Buress is on the cusp of blowing up like Hart did and because I’ve been a fan of Buress since last year, I had to reach out to see if he would agree to an interview. With the help of my good friend Damien Lemon (another very funny comedian you may have seen on MTV’s “Guy Code”), Buress and I were able to break bread yesterday over the phone.

Here is a condensed version of our conversation in which we talk about a bunch of stuff, including Scarlett Johansson. Even if you’re up on Hannibal, this isn’t like those other interviews you may have read with him where we talk about comedy. I mean, we do, but…Just check it out and BE SURE TO SET YOUR DVRs or tune in on Sunday to watch Buress do his thing, twice.

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Categories: UIGM Interviews Tags:

Five Other Ways You’re Not Faithful To Me

May 15th, 2012 15 comments

You think being unfaithful can only happen when you either sleep with someone else or you develop feelings for someone else.

You’re wrong.

There’s all sorts of ways you’re unfaithful and you don’t even know it, so allow me to break it down for you.

You went to our favorite restaurant without me to order that soup we both love and you didn’t even tell me.

I was out of town and you watched our favorite show by yourself, then you proceeded to tweet about it in real time knowing good and well I stalk your Twitter.

I sent you a link to a funny post and you told me you received the same link from someone else earlier that day.

I found another toy, one you never told me about.

You watch adult films on the Internet and none of those people look like me.

Categories: cheating Tags:

A Song For You: Gregory Porter, “Be Good”

May 14th, 2012 6 comments

The first time I saw Gregory Porter was in 2010, at a sparsely attended show he put on at Drom. The sight of a young jazz vocalist in this day and age is about as common as seeing a unicorn, so even without hearing his debut, Water, which also came out in 2010 and was nominated for a Grammy for Best Jazz Vocal, I bought a ticket.

Overall, the show was impressive. Porter had not only the voice but the jazz IQ to make me an instant fan, but there was one song that hit me from the very first notes Porter sang and that song was “Be Good.” Months later, when I caught him live at The Blue Note, I prayed he perform the song again as it had not yet been recorded or released on record. Thankfully, he did.

“Be Good” is also the title of Porter’s new album, which came out this year on Valentine’s Day. Even after the countless listenings I still don’t know what the song is about. I’ve gathered that it speaks to the way some women have a hold on us, but I’d love to hear what interpretations you all my have about the song.

(When watching, try to focus on the song and not that peculiar tuxedo shirt Porter is wearing)

Also, for those interested, today I made my debut for one of my favorite sites, ThoughtCatalog.com. Click here to check out, “Quit Asking Me To Watch Your Computer.”

Categories: A Song For You, Work Tags:

‘Too Tired To Cheat’ and ‘Don’t Be A Ho, Be A Man’

May 11th, 2012 No comments

For the next four weeks, I will be writing three posts a week over at The Loop 21. Those not familiar with the site can go here.

My work will appear in their relationship column entitled, “bitterSweet,” usually authored by my friend Norelle Giancana. She along with my editor Ayana Byrd have asked me to do the thing I do here, over there, and I happily obliged.

Now that we have the formalities aside, some excerpts with links to my first two entries for The Loop 21. Enjoy and if you want to comment, I encourage you to do so there.

In the past, arguments like the ones we had would have led me straight to another woman’s arms. The uneasiness caused by the fight could be soothed by someone else. Now, after this argument, I found myself wanting to handle things a different way. I just wanted to go home and be by myselfFrom”Too Tired To Cheat”

…your fantasy became a reality, but you were so blind, so insatiable, you didn’t even realize you were being a ho and, what’s even more sad is that you didn’t realize how bad it made you look.From “Don’t Be A Ho, Be A Man”

Categories: Work Tags:

You Thought You Would Never See That Look Again

May 10th, 2012 9 comments

Consider yourself lucky if you ever get a chance to see them give you the look. It’s going to stay with you forever and whether or not you two stay together, it’s a look you’ll never forget.

Describing the look is difficult, like describing a view only we saw. When we’re describing it to others, we’re not really talking about what we saw so much as what we felt when we saw it. To call it beautiful is to do the look a disservice. It was more than beautiful, it was….well, let’s not even bother trying to describe it, because again, it isn’t possible to do so.

But what it’s like is p0rn, that is to say, you know the look when you see the look. You never seek it out, you’re never staring at the person you love in search of it. When you see it, it will be by accident. They won’t mean to show it to you, they won’t even mean to give it to you because it’s not a face they are trying to make. The mechanics to give the look come from these feelings we have within us. Those feelings get so overwhelming, they eventually surface, all over our face, and that’s when the look reveals itself.

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Categories: little things Tags:

How To Tell Your Woman To Lose Weight

May 7th, 2012 4 comments

Right now, the number three most emailed article from the New York Times is a piece entitled “Why Black Women Are Fat” (stay classy, New York Times), written by a woman named Alice Randall who is a writer-in-residence at Vanderbilt University.

That last tidbit of information shocked me if only because I know people who went to Vanderbilt, and a lot of them are smart; it’s reputation is why some people have called it the “Ivy League of the South.” And yet, Randall’s article is one of the flimsiest pieces I have read about the obesity issue amongst black women and the way it relates to men.

As recently as last week, I discussed this issue. WPIX Morning News brought me on their show to talk about it, and I wrote a post to support my appearance and flesh out my thoughts on dating women with curves. My goal was to somewhat dispel of the myth that because I like black women I like big women or, to flip it, because I like thick women, I like black women. It’s true I prefer my women tall, and have a deep appreciation for tall women with curves. I have gone crazy over a size 12 and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

But as I said in last week’s post, no matter what size a woman is, what matters most is the way she carries her size.

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Categories: guys Tags:

Why She Should Never Let Her Man Fight In Front of Her

May 2nd, 2012 4 comments

If there is one thing I believe every woman wants in a man, it’s an ability to make her feel safe.

We don’t have to be the most towering or hulking figure, nor do we have to be the most decorated martial artist or a former Navy seal. I mean, those things would definitely work in our favor and make our woman feels like she lucked up on some 2-for-1 deal with a boyfriend and a bodyguard, but what’s more important is perception. She just wants us to make her feel safer when we’re around.

As I get older, I’ve become more and more hip to this idea.

No one is more aware of the large presence I don’t impose on others than I. Here’s what I’m coming with.

Height: 6’0
Weight: 175
Complexion: Light
Default face: Happy
Occupation: Writer
Hobbies: Watching Top Chef
Secret Talent: Knows how to play “Endless Love” on the piano

Now tell me, does any of that sound like a wrestler?

I have a 1-0 record in street fights, but I’m pretty sure records from middle school were exempt when I turned 18. I mean, I did go to a public middle school, so maybe I get points for street cred, but still, who am I kidding?

I’m not a fighter, but women continue to date me because not being a fighter is not the same as being willing to fight. I place a high value on making a woman feel safe. I’m like Kevin Costner in The Bodyguard. My woman knows before I let anything happen to her, I will let something happen to me.

Women appreciate men who have this attitude, but I always tell them don’t mistake a man’s willingness to make his woman feel safe for his ability to do so; and if she can ever stop her man from fighting in front of her, she should do so at all cost.

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Categories: dating, guys, women Tags: