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Archive for June, 2012

My New Dating Column for the ‘New York Post,’ ‘Current Affairs’

June 28th, 2012 1 comment

It’s been about four weeks since I started my new position as the features reporter in charge of The New York Post dating section, known to many as Meet Market. Since then, I’ve set up about the same numbers of blind dates, and I promise you, it is as fun as it sounds.

Some of haven’t gone so well, but some worked out famously. Either way, every week it’s an adventure, and a great way to kind of learn about the atitudes about dating between men and women in New York City.

For those who don’t know or still have not seen it in the actual paper, Meet Market appears every Sunday, a two page spread. On the furthest right hand side of that section is a new dating column we’ve added called “Current Affairs.”

‘Current Affairs’ is a space designated to stories focused on dating in New York City. In the words of my editor, “Think NYC dating trends, pop culture releases (new books, surveys, movies, etc.) Ideas can be both service-y/news-you-can-use or just an entertaining, thoughtful read on something timely and buzzworthy.” Here are some stories we’ve covered thus far in ‘Current Affairs.’

“Boys On The Side”
“Married Away”
“Art versus Life”

If you notice, none of these stories by me, but pretty soon, the bulk of the ‘Current Affairs’ stories will be written and conceived by yours truly, which means just like Meet Market, I’m going to need your help.

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Categories: Work Tags:

About The Importance of Being Able To Pick Up Your Woman

June 25th, 2012 69 comments

Men, we need to have a discussion about an important topic: The ability to pick up your woman.

I don’t know if any of you guys have given this much thought, but if you never have, now would probably be a good time to start. Here are two facts about women that may or may not be uncomfortable for you to read.

1) Every woman wants a man who can pick her up.
2) If you can’t pick your woman up, she will find someone who can.

Now you probably think this means your woman will leave you for someone who can pick her up. That is not what I’m saying at all. She could very well stay with you, never leave, but she will have another guy who is around, and she calls occasionally just to get picked up, not in a car, but with his bare arms.

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About The Things We Leave Behind

June 22nd, 2012 11 comments

Everybody owns a thing a person leaves behind when they leave us, and we’re all familiar with the way that thing morphs into something sacred and symbolic. This my story about that thing…

I’ve been looking at this picture you gave me every single day since you told me it was over. I’m looking at it right now, as I’m writing this and though it’s rectangular, it has the illusion of a question mark because I don’t know what to do with it.

And I’m hesitant to talk about the picture at length because you always told me when you leave, the picture would go with you. Remembered I protested? Told you that picture was mine, your gift to me, and no matter how bad things got between us, you should never take a gift back. Well, except of course if I did something foul, then, yeah, the picture would go back with you.

But I didn’t do anything foul, and you ended things with me for perfectly acceptable reasons, painful as they were. Yet, the picture is still here, on my wall and I look at it every single day in ways much different than I used to.

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Categories: Break ups Tags:

Your Heart Isn’t Broken Unless You’ve Done One of These Five Things

June 19th, 2012 7 comments

I always tell the story of the time my Pop told me the two side-effects of a broken heart.

I was in the third grade and the family just came back from a road trip to see Disney On Ice. On that trip, I was allowed to bring one friend, and I decided to bring Vera, the girl who I had a crush on. Turns out it was the right move, as Vera and I held hands in the car our entire commute. On the way back, we did the same. Back in those days, if you held hands for more than two hours, you two go together. These are facts in elementary school.

The family arrived home after dropping Vera off. I went into my room to change for bed when my Pop came in. He stood in the doorway and asked, “Did you have a good time?”

“Yes,” I said.

“I could tell,” he said teasingly.

I didn’t say anything, continuing my routine like I didn’t hear him. Third grade is so young to have any type of feelings for a girl that you don’t know if you’re embarrassed or worried you’re in trouble for doing something wrong.

“I’m just going to tell you this,” Pop said. “Love can hurt you too. When you get your heart broken this is what happens…”

I continued to act like I couldn’t hear him, avoiding eye contact and distracting myself by straightening up my room.

“Look at me,” he said.

I stopped what I was doing and looked at him. “This is what happens,” he said. “You can’t eat, you can’t sleep. That’s heartbreak.” Then, he repeated himself. “You can’t eat, you can’t sleep.”

As it turns out, Pop was right. I’ve not ate and not slept a few times in my life, the end result of love gone astray, and I’m grateful for his words, because everytime those feelings of not eating and not sleeping wash over me, I know things are or were real.

Should I ever have a son, I will repeat the lesson my Pop taught me, but I will also add five more signs that his heart is broken. For any man who has ever had a broken heart, read the list and ask yourself, have you suffered from any one of these things? If you can’t say you have, you can’t say your heart was broken. But if at least one thing on this list applies to you, Godspeed, my man. Things will get better.

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She Will Always Tell The Truth

June 14th, 2012 8 comments

You dug Esile from the moment you saw her in sixth grade home room. For the next two years, you were in pursuit, took the back door approach starting off as friends first. You had a couple of girlfriends in that time, got your experience up with that one girl who was older than you in seventh grade; the one your mom caught you making out with under the tree in a public park. But as crazy as you were over her, she had nothing on Esile. She was the one you always wanted, even though you were telling others, they were your Esile.

In eighth grade Esile was finally ready to be your girl. This came after you showed off on a class project you two partnered up on. You did most of the work, not because you were soft and wanted to make it easy for her, but because you wanted to show her that if she was on your team, you’d always run the point. She could trust you to handle things and get them done. She liked that about you, because even in eighth grade a girl wants a boy who will do the heavy lifting, and if he can’t, he will do the necessary amount of pushups and come back to try again.

So Esile and you started going together and that first night you ccouldn’t sleep. You two talked on the phone for two hours even though you two lived three blocks away from each other. But you know parents, they just don’t understand how real that eighth grade love is, so you had to wait to see her the next day at school, in first period, where you two took algebra together.

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Usher’s ‘Climax’: A Break Up Song For Relationships That End Sooner Than We Want

June 13th, 2012 6 comments

Unless you have been living under a rock or have some sort of bias against any music that was released in 2012, you’ve probably heard Usher’s “Climax.” The song is one of the single’s from Usher’s brand new project, Looking 4 Myself, which came out yesterday. Most critics who have written about the album say “Climax” is the best song on what is arguably Usher’s best album since Confessions (even though can I just say, Here I Stand is super slept-on? But I digress). For my money, “Climax” is the best R&B song of the year, and it’s not even a contest.

To support my opinion, I can get into some music critic mumbo-jumbo about Diplo’s incredible production on “Climax” or Usher’s impeccable use of falsetto and range, but why describe the obvious? If we like the song, those reasons are very clear to us. “Climax” sounds excellent, but how so? We hear there is something special, but what is that special quality that makes “Climax” stand out?

The other obvious question: There’s a lot of good music that comes out every day, so why the hell would I take the time to devote today’s post to just one song?

Allow me to explain.

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Categories: A Song For You Tags:

Everything Hurts But The Breakup Itself

June 12th, 2012 6 comments

For those who have heard the story I share in the beginning of this post, bear with me. I’ve written so much on this blog, I may, from time to time repeat myself, but it will go somewhere. Trust me.

Sister and I walked home together from school, business as usual. We entered our house and saw mom in the kitchen. We said hi to her, gave her hugs, kisses, then went to go put our stuff in our rooms. This was the usual routine. Very rarely was our mom not home from work before we were home from school. Pop would arrive a couple hours after we got home, just in time for dinner.

At this time, our family had two dogs. One was a quiet basset/beagle mix named Pepper. The other was a rottweiler named Makita. Pepper was the first dog we owned. She had been in our family even before pop came into our lives. Makita came later, a somewhat impulsive purchase by pop who was inspired to have his real life version of man’s best friend after watching the movie Turner & Hooch. So Makita, essentially was pop’s dog, but as years went by, Makita became the family dog just like Pepper.

Usually when my sister and I came home, it was Makita who would run up to the sliding door and start scratching up the glass, excited to see us. That sound of excitement was something we were used to hearing, but on this day when my sister and I arrived home from school, we didn’t hear a sound. I thought it unusual, so when I came back out from my room after putting down my stuff, I asked mom, “Where’s Makita?”

Mom turned off the faucet, dried her hands with a towel, and told me to meet her in our living room.

“Tell your sister to come out here too,” she said.

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Becoming The Change They Want To Love More

June 11th, 2012 4 comments

At first, you wonder how the hell a person who has so many problems with you ended up choosing you. You wonder if they did their research during the courting phase. Didn’t they see you were this way and not another?

The answer is they did but they didn’t care. They were focused on you, saw everything that was wrong, from the little things like the way you eat, to the bigger things like how horrible you are with money. The little things, at first, were adorable. The bigger things, well, they could help you with that. They told you not to worry, that there was still plenty about you they loved. Your flaws didn’t scare them.

But you knew better because you heard it all before. At some point, the other foot was going to drop. Not only does Newton’s law say so, but it’s also something experience has taught you. The other foot always drops. Your problems are not a problem now but a problem they will be. You remember the last time it happened, years ago, with your college love.

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Categories: Life Tags:

About The New Job And Why Some Of You Should Care

June 1st, 2012 12 comments

So I got a new gig.

For those who follow me on Twitter, I’ve been talking around it for the better part of a week, not divulging the complete details because I wanted to be careful, but since I start on Monday, I decided to let all my loyal readers know the good news and what it entails.

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Categories: dating, Work Tags: