What I Did and Didn’t Do To Help My Friend Find The Woman He’s Going To Marry
Well, it worked.
Over a year ago, I had this crazy idea to use my blog as a way to help my friend Jhirmack find a woman he could marry.
(For those who are new to this website or don’t remember exactly what I’m talking about, you can read these posts: “WifeFinder”)
And then this happened over the weekend.
Nothing about this was a joke and there were no guarantees it would work. I just thought, why the hell not? My friend was moving to a small town to establish his career and I knew the pickings would be slim. In the years I knew him, I witnessed his own tough luck when it came to relationships. I didn’t want to see him settle and I knew he was at the point where he was ready to find that one woman with whom he could spend the rest of his life. Considering a lot of women from around the country visit my site, I thought maybe through this site, I can introduce him to some women who were willing to meet a good guy.
We drew over 40 applicants, which was shocking to both me and him. All of the women brought something to the table, and within a couple of days of the first post, my boy had what my Pop’s used to call “good problems.”
But much to my displeasure, my boy had his eyes on one girl in particular. Over 40 applicants, and my boy had just one girl in mind, just one. I told him he was crazy, that for the first time in a long time, he didn’t have to settle on one, but rather, get to know many.
He didn’t listen.
“I’m telling you man, this the one right here.” Those were his words to me, and after failing to convince him to give the other women a fair shake, I told him he could do what he wanted. So he did.
The day after his first conversation with her, he called me up raving. I told him to calm down. But he said he had a feeling. I reminded him he’s had the feeling before. He told me it was different. I told him it was always different. But he remained persistent, in spite of my cynicism.
With him in Arkansas and her in the Bay Area, their journey was going to be long if it began at all. But pretty soon after the first conversation, travel plans started being made, visits were being coordinated. Next thing I know, she’s making a move, to Arkansas, to be closer to him. Then in February, she’s accompanying him on a trip to New York for a reunion with him, me, and our entire crew from college.
All signs pointed to matrimony, and the more time went on, the more I became convinced. But, every now and then, my boy and I would talk, and he would admit, it wasn’t all hearts and roses between them. Like any couple, they had their problems, and like any relationship in which someone made a huge move to a foreign land for someone else, the issues were layered.
However they handled these issues was their business, but they persevered. This past week, my dear friend Jhirmack accompanied Christina, the woman he met through this site, back to her hometown of Oakland. There, this past Saturday, he got down on one knee and asked her hand in marriage.
Jhirmack notified me via text message, and while I was overjoyed at the news, I was in no rush to call him. As a matter of fact, we didn’t really have a conversation until yesterday. Considering it was my idea that led him to the woman with whom he is going to be with forever, you think I’d tell him something like, “Congratulations, I told you so.”
But honestly, I never told him it would work, never even believed that it would. I wanted to put my friend in a good position, but he had to play the position and his woman had to be open to playing a position to.
Over the year since they’ve been together, people who remember my original post ask me every now and then, what’s going on with my friend I was trying to hook up on the blog. I’ve told them he found someone and they’re making it work. Now I can tell them that he did indeed meet the woman he’s going to marry.
And what is sure to come are assumptions that I have some sort of magic touch when it comes to helping people find love. But I don’t.
As most of you know, my job is to indeed hook people up, connect people and send them out on blind dates. They call me a matchmaker, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.
With all due respect to people who make matchmaking their living, I’m not convinced any of it actually works. I am convinced some of us believe in love a little bit more than others, and so when someone comes to me and says hook me up, I usually tell them they have to be ready to get hooked up before I can even do anything. I can introduce you to someone, but I can’t make you fall in love with them.
The reason why my boy and his woman are now happily engaged is not because of me. I’m why they met, but it’s because of their open minds and open hearts that they fell in love with each other. They found love in this strange and crazy way and now they will live a beautiful, strange and crazy life together. I didn’t do anything but set up the opportunity, they are the ones who took it and ran with it.
If you care about love, finding it, falling in it, and being in it, you will do exactly what my boy and his woman did. That doesn’t mean you’ll sign up for some crazy blog experiment, it means you will not limit yourself to meeting people in a particular way, nor will you limit yourself in terms of the type of people you meet. Love is everywhere, under our noses and thousands of miles away, in our face and on our screens. The sooner we understand that the sooner we can receive it.
When we decide to fall in love with someone, we’re basically signing up to feel something for someone for as long as we live. That’s a long time and that’s why you have to be careful with not the word, but the emotion behind it.
Jhirmack and Christina understood the chance they were taking on each other to actually feel something deep and profound for one another, and they took it anyway. Now as they embark to the next phase of their journey, they are taking a much bigger risks, but that’s okay because they’re doing it together, for each other, for love. And love is worth all the risks.
Congratulations to the lovely couple.
And they BETTER dance to this song at their wedding. This is mandatory.