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What I Did and Didn’t Do To Help My Friend Find The Woman He’s Going To Marry

Well, it worked.

Over a year ago, I had this crazy idea to use my blog as a way to help my friend Jhirmack find a woman he could marry.

(For those who are new to this website or don’t remember exactly what I’m talking about, you can read these posts: “WifeFinder”)

And then this happened over the weekend.

Nothing about this was a joke and there were no guarantees it would work. I just thought, why the hell not? My friend was moving to a small town to establish his career and I knew the pickings would be slim. In the years I knew him, I witnessed his own tough luck when it came to relationships. I didn’t want to see him settle and I knew he was at the point where he was ready to find that one woman with whom he could spend the rest of his life. Considering a lot of women from around the country visit my site, I thought maybe through this site, I can introduce him to some women who were willing to meet a good guy.

We drew over 40 applicants, which was shocking to both me and him. All of the women brought something to the table, and within a couple of days of the first post, my boy had what my Pop’s used to call “good problems.”

But much to my displeasure, my boy had his eyes on one girl in particular. Over 40 applicants, and my boy had just one girl in mind, just one. I told him he was crazy, that for the first time in a long time, he didn’t have to settle on one, but rather, get to know many.

He didn’t listen.

“I’m telling you man, this the one right here.” Those were his words to me, and after failing to convince him to give the other women a fair shake, I told him he could do what he wanted. So he did.

The day after his first conversation with her, he called me up raving. I told him to calm down. But he said he had a feeling. I reminded him he’s had the feeling before. He told me it was different. I told him it was always different. But he remained persistent, in spite of my cynicism.

With him in Arkansas and her in the Bay Area, their journey was going to be long if it began at all. But pretty soon after the first conversation, travel plans started being made, visits were being coordinated. Next thing I know, she’s making a move, to Arkansas, to be closer to him. Then in February, she’s accompanying him on a trip to New York for a reunion with him, me, and our entire crew from college.

All signs pointed to matrimony, and the more time went on, the more I became convinced. But, every now and then, my boy and I would talk, and he would admit, it wasn’t all hearts and roses between them. Like any couple, they had their problems, and like any relationship in which someone made a huge move to a foreign land for someone else, the issues were layered.

However they handled these issues was their business, but they persevered. This past week, my dear friend Jhirmack accompanied Christina, the woman he met through this site, back to her hometown of Oakland. There, this past Saturday, he got down on one knee and asked her hand in marriage.

Jhirmack notified me via text message, and while I was overjoyed at the news, I was in no rush to call him. As a matter of fact, we didn’t really have a conversation until yesterday. Considering it was my idea that led him to the woman with whom he is going to be with forever, you think I’d tell him something like, “Congratulations, I told you so.”

But honestly, I never told him it would work, never even believed that it would. I wanted to put my friend in a good position, but he had to play the position and his woman had to be open to playing a position to.

Over the year since they’ve been together, people who remember my original post ask me every now and then, what’s going on with my friend I was trying to hook up on the blog. I’ve told them he found someone and they’re making it work. Now I can tell them that he did indeed meet the woman he’s going to marry.

And what is sure to come are assumptions that I have some sort of magic touch when it comes to helping people find love. But I don’t.

As most of you know, my job is to indeed hook people up, connect people and send them out on blind dates. They call me a matchmaker, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.

With all due respect to people who make matchmaking their living, I’m not convinced any of it actually works. I am convinced some of us believe in love a little bit more than others, and so when someone comes to me and says hook me up, I usually tell them they have to be ready to get hooked up before I can even do anything. I can introduce you to someone, but I can’t make you fall in love with them.

The reason why my boy and his woman are now happily engaged is not because of me. I’m why they met, but it’s because of their open minds and open hearts that they fell in love with each other. They found love in this strange and crazy way and now they will live a beautiful, strange and crazy life together. I didn’t do anything but set up the opportunity, they are the ones who took it and ran with it.

If you care about love, finding it, falling in it, and being in it, you will do exactly what my boy and his woman did. That doesn’t mean you’ll sign up for some crazy blog experiment, it means you will not limit yourself to meeting people in a particular way, nor will you limit yourself in terms of the type of people you meet. Love is everywhere, under our noses and thousands of miles away, in our face and on our screens. The sooner we understand that the sooner we can receive it.

When we decide to fall in love with someone, we’re basically signing up to feel something for someone for as long as we live. That’s a long time and that’s why you have to be careful with not the word, but the emotion behind it.

Jhirmack and Christina understood the chance they were taking on each other to actually feel something deep and profound for one another, and they took it anyway. Now as they embark to the next phase of their journey, they are taking a much bigger risks, but that’s okay because they’re doing it together, for each other, for love. And love is worth all the risks.

Congratulations to the lovely couple.

And they BETTER dance to this song at their wedding. This is mandatory.

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  • http://twitter.com/Cherchez_La_Jai Vanessa Chilliams

    I am absolutely ecstatic for this couple! This man has found a good thing in Christina, and will be blessed. I am so proud of them both for taking such leap and persevering in their goals in tandem. I think this will be a fruitful marriage, and I wish them all the happiness this world can hold!

  • http://sugahoney.blogspot.com suga

    I am so happy for Christina. Us Oakland girls know how to reel them in, don’t we? lol But all jokes aside, this is such an amazing, remarkable story of love. Cheers to Christina for taking that leap and sending her picture and story in, listening to her heart and packing up all in the name of love. And cheers to Jhirmack for being open to finding love the unconventional way. Props and many blessings to both of you!

  • http://www.facebook.com/tameisha.price Tameisha Price

    Being that I had to comment first, since I’ve known the situation since it started, I’m estatic, geeked, happy, and overjoyed by this union. I’m one of Christina’s homegirls from Oakland, and first learned about he and her last year. I remember sitting at Laskeshore Cafe in August and her telling me this story, since I was also a follower of your blog. I saw the glow, watched her face light up as she spoke about travels, being open, and ultimately following her heart for love. I sat in amazement that someone was so unafraid to bare her heart, and told myself that if I too should ever find love, I will never be afraid to show it and let the world know. As we sipped Mimosas, it became apparent she may have just found the one, and she was ready for whatever was next. A couple weeks later, I got a text saying: “I’m moving to Arkansas!” I immediately stopped dead in my tracks as I read the message, and realized this was for real. Her heart and mind were aligned, and somewhere, the heavens were in the midst to lead her to her love, waiting for her in Arkansas. I smiled. At the going away, we danced, sipped, hugged and became teary eyed as we said our good byes…

    Fast forward and here we are.. Can’t believe I missed the phone call when it happened! Unfortunately, I ended up going on twitter shortly after and seeing the ring finger glistening and big, drawn out “OMMMMMMMMGGGGG, IIII LOOOVVVEEE YOU” on a tweet, and realized I had missed a special moment. None the less, I screamed when I realized what was occurring: Christina was engaged to the love of her life! I had the pleasure of spending brunch with her and the fiancee, your friend, and couldn’t be more happy for who she chose and who God ultimately saw her to be with. I personally can’t wait til the wedding, as I’m sure this is one to go down for the ages. I heard about “The Crew” and the “ignant” festivities that I’m sure to come about to happen when paired with Oakland/the bay!!

    Salute!

    ~Meish

  • http://www.facebook.com/somer.morrison Somer Morrison

    I am so happy for the two of them. Even though I dont know their of them I’m always a supporter of people finding that one that helps them to be their best. Congrats to them 🙂

  • www.jewelryandothershit.com

    pretty amazing, and your right you have to be ready to fall, open and all in!!

  • Darling Bonnie

    This is by far one of the most amazing and beautiful love stories that’s ever been so. I have yet to have the pleasure of meeting the lucky man but Christina is one of my most street elegant girlies with one of the most ravishing spirits I’ve ever come in contact with and I couldn’t think of anyone more worthy of a love story like this. Congratulations to the both of you & congratulations to the modern day bachelor who’s responsible for this blissful success story. Cheers! xo

  • esoteric

    Stop being modest Jozen… you are the modern day Alex Hitchens!

  • Katie Norkus

    Much like Tameisha, I too, am one of Christina’s friends from he Bay Area and knew early on in the relationship how they met. I am stoked, happy, elated at their union. After their first meeting, she told me to add him on facebook and from that initial stalk of his page, I knew he was perfect! I also did not answer my phone that night BUT made up for it by leaving a drunk message on her voicemail an hour later; screaming/crying/babbling at how happy I was for them.

    Although, I am still saddened by her move to Arkansas, I ultimately understand why she wholeheartedly did it. I know Christina will love Harold with every bone in her body and vice versa. After meeting him this weekend for the first time, I know they will have a long, long life together. Cheers to the amazing couple!

  • http://originalnajeema.wordpress.com Najeema

    Best of luck and love to the happy couple!

  • Erin Worm

    I am so joyful that these two found each other! I’ve known Christina for a long time and she is truly a special person. Last summer, she told me the story about how she took a chance at meeting a good guy through your blog search (yes at brunch…hey, Tameisha!) but like some of her other friends, it wasn’t until she made the decision to move, that I realized they were for real. What I typically would have considered a rushed decision, made all the sense in the world when seeing the glow on her face! Now, here I am…expressing my congratulations to her just a year later. I am so happy for my friend and her future husband! I wish you both the best! xoxo

  • http://twitter.com/YaAmal Amal ☥ أمل

    Your original post about the lovely couple had made it’s way to my Twitter inbox some months back, via Christina, my homie from back here in the bay area (YEEE!).

    Somewhere amidst my rough run in the relationship arena, I’d taken the stance that love, marriage… all of that simply wasn’t for me. It wasn’t a bitter proclamation – I didn’t think all men were the scum of the earth and it had been a while since I put on my Trina/Mary playlist (it worked, I’m not sorry)… it was merely a conclusion I’d confidently came to based on my experiences, and I was OK with it. I must have been on a bit of a rant, because Christina sent over the blog and told me to read it.

    Of everything Christina had told me about the connection, what had stuck to me most was her saying she needed to be OPEN to love, and in doing so, as risky as it may have been, they’d allowed for it to take residency.

    I saw the ring on Instagram and squealed. I met Christina just before love sent her miles and miles away, but it doesn’t take much to know she’s an amazing spirit and so deserving of this love… and anyone that makes this girl as happy as she is HAS to be phenomenal! 😉 Cheers to the two of you, the love you’ve found, and the love that this will become! 🙂

  • @missmusings

    I want to see these wedding pics on that special Bridal Bliss Essense does. Please and Thanks !!! Congrats to the lovely couple !

  • B

    Amazing. I love it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/iluvwhoilluv Monica F. Brown

    Congrats to the beautiful couple!