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How My Job Taught Me To Hate Guys and Why I Need More Nice Guys

November 30th, 2012 Leave a comment Go to comments

Full disclosure: I was once guilty of being one of the guys I am about to discuss.

You know the guy who thinks because there’s more women than men, there’s too many women to be with an ugly one? I said this all the time. You know the guy who thought just because he was once lucky enough to get one pretty girl to like him, he could get other girls who were out of his league to follow suit? Present! The guy who wasn’t opposed to sleeping with a less attractive woman simply because he thought she was less attractive, and instead just kind of hid her from everyone else, only dealing with her behind closed doors and in secret? Let me raise both hands up so you know that I’m here. The guy who wanted to see a picture of the girl complaining about men before he took anything she said seriously? You’re looking at him.

Then I started my job in May and I learned, through the small but very true sample size it provides me, I need to stop being that kind of guy.

I hate that type of guy.

He may not be the kind of guy I deal with on a regular basis (most guys are cool), but I have dealt with him more times than I care to admit. He makes my job a living hell, and because he makes my job a living hell, he makes my life a living hell.

In short: fuck him. That kind of guy, my old self included, should die a virgin.

Allow me to explain.

First, some context: I set up blind dates for The New York Post, but with a twist. Meet Market (the name of the section) runs in the paper every Sunday. People who sign up have to get photographed for the paper, and they have to either be chosen by another participant or choose from one of three other participants I provide them. The pictures are also used for the person choosing to make their pick. Once I have a line-up in place, I send them pictures of their choices along with the more important and more revealing 40-question questionnaire everyone has filled out. Once they pick, both people go out on a free date, a date I set up, and a date I am proud to boast is going to be fun. If there’s one feather I have in my cap, it’s the dates themselves. Women get to go out on the kind of date they might only see in movies, guys don’t have to plan the kind of date they might only see in movies, neither party has to come out of pocket for the experience.

See, my business card.

As I said, this is blind dating with a twist. It’s not traditional, and I believe that’s what makes it special. To say a lot is asked of participants is an understatement. The fact that I have successfully orchestrated a date every single week since I have started the job says more about the integrity of the people who I sign up for these dates than it does my skills in acquiring them. As much as I ask of everyone who participates, people still go through with it, and it leads me to believe that the majority of single people living in NYC, women and men, are good, decent, and just want to have a good time on the cheap.

But when it’s gone wrong, it’s gone horribly wrong, and it is because of the guys.

I repeat, it is because of the guys.

A week or so ago, I tweeted out something about how some guys should thank their lucky stars that women don’t care as much about looks as men care. A friend of mine, a woman, questioned that statement, saying plenty of women care about how a potential partner looks, and they care about it as much as men care. In her defense, I’m sure plenty of women do care, but at my job, I am provided with a window into the dating world at large. I deal with single people every single day and I have NEVER, NOT ONCE, dealt with a woman who has wanted to pull out because she didn’t think the guys I provided her to pick from were cute enough. I NEVER, NOT ONCE, dealt with a woman who has gotten picked and she says, “Can I see the picture of the person who is picking?”

What I have had to deal with is guys who tell me, “Hey, pick me some hot ones.” What I have had to deal with is guys who respond to the choices I provide them with, “Hey man, you have any other girls, I really don’t like these ones.” What I have had to deal with is assholes like this former participant who sent me an email yesterday after I encouraged him to get his friends to sign up:

To be honest, if you want Meet Market to become more popular, you’ve gotta get some better looking people signed up. Sex sells! But I’ll see what I can do.

I responded back to him in kind, with the following:

I’m sure you have some “less attractive” friends who might want to do this, send them to me too if they’re having a hard time. There’s someone out there for everyone and all my daters are desirable to someone.

(For those who are curious, objectively speaking, the guy who sent this email is a good looking guy, but it really doesn’t matter. I’m not here to justify his response. For that statement, he’s as good looking as an ass and I don’t care if he looked like Brad Pitt. Had he said that shit to me in person, I probably would have asked him who he thought he was, Brad Pitt?)

I am sharing that very real email because it was the impetus for me to write this post. I am so fucking tired of these guys in NYC who act like they’re willing to go out on a date just for the sake of a good time and meeting someone new, then when I get them involved, are disappointed that I didn’t give them choices that look like their dreams come true. There’s too many women in NYC who aren’t being picky for men to be picky and that is so mind boggling.

The women who sign up for Meet Market, on average, are way more attractive than the men. Way more. I don’t discriminate based on looks, not ever. Women are always quick to sign up and send their pictures, and I tell them all the time, that’s not necessary because what I think doesn’t matter. All I care about is sending her out on a good time with a good guy. Every woman is entitled to that, regardless of how she looks. When I’m out, meeting women, I talk to girls I would date and girls I wouldn’t date, because every girl deserves a date. Every girl is exactly the kind of girl a guy has been waiting for, and if I have the opportunity to put that girl in front of said guy, allow me to do my job.

But guys, oh guys. You dumb asses. There are guys who have signed up and told me they want to lose a little weight, then say to me, “So try to get me some thin girls.” Okay, doughboy. I have had guys tell me, “I like one girl’s profile, and I guess I would go out with her, but do you have pictures of any others?” No I don’t, Tyra Banks, so quit acting like you’re a judge on America’s Next Top Model and go with the woman whose profile you actually like.

Looks matter. Not only do I thoroughly understand that, I weigh looks/physical appearance in my own dating life heavily enough that I know it’s just silly to tell people to not actually see the person they’re dating. I am a huge proponent of finding a partner you are attracted to, but we’re not talking about finding a partner. We’re talking about going out on a date.

Through this blog and just me coming of age, for whatever reason, some women have found me attractive enough that they approach me to go out with them. Has every woman who has asked me out been the type of woman I would approach? No. Do I still go out with them? Yes. As I told one girl, I’m at a point in my life where my time is more valuable than my dick. In other words, if someone is cool company and wants to spend some time with me, sign me up. Two years ago, a reader of this blog invited me to a Pittsburgh Steelers game. She said if I can find a way to get to Pittsburgh she would take me. A Pittsburgh Steelers home game is on my bucket list, so quite naturally I said I would. Unfortunately the times didn’t work out in our favor, but that’s the only reason I didn’t go. I didn’t know what the girl looked like, and frankly I did not care. The way I saw it, she invited me to an awesome experience, what she looked like didn’t matter.

If looks did matter in those circumstances, well everyone would have a right to question my love for the Pittsburgh Steelers. Again, I can’t stress it enough how much I know looks matter. I tell women all the time, if they genuinely care about getting a man, they will put some time in their appearance, because their appearance is the very first thing a man is using to evaluate them. But to the women who just read that and say, “Fuck that” allow me to give you a hi-five.

Like I said, most guys who sign up for Meet Market find a way to spend 90 minutes with a woman no matter how the woman looks. But I don’t want to give them too much credit, because the women who sign up are doing the same, so if anything, they only deserve some applause for being as decent as a woman is. It’s because I saw too many guys picking on the basis of looks that I had to start telling guys who picked, “Don’t go for the girl you like, go for the girl who you think will like you.”

Most guys, unfortunately, still don’t hear me, but oh well. If they choose to pick the pretty girl who says she prefers tall guys, even though they themselves are short to a child, I can’t help them. If it’s one process I stay out of, it’s the selection process. I’m like Chuck Woolery, I’m just here to hear how the date went and ask some questions.

IF YOU’RE A GUY OR YOU’RE A WOMAN WHO KNOWS A GUY, AND YOU THINK YOUR BIGGEST STRENGTH IS HAVING A GOOD TIME, THAT YOUR BEST ATTRIBUTE IS YOUR ABILITY TO HAVE FUN, AND YOU WOULD LIKE TO HAVE FUN, PLEASE EMAIL ME AT JCUMMINGS@NYPOST.COM. I NEED NICE GUYS! GUYS WHO VALUE A GOOD TIME! All I ask is that you’re over 21, single, and live in the NYC area. Trust me, I don’t care how you look, I only care that you care about having fun. The girl I can set you up with will have similar qualities to you, I guarantee that. What I can’t guarantee is she will think you’re attractive, and if I had to bet anything, she probably won’t think you are, but, BUT, she’s down to have a good time just like you. For that, you should be thankful.

Woman or man, if you’re over 21, single, live in NYC, are not shy, and want to have a good time, seriously, sign up for Meet Market. Yes, part of my encouragement is self-serving and stems from the fact that this is my job, but trust me, this really, really is about having a good time. Long after I’m not doing this job anymore, I will still tell people to sign up for Meet Market because it’s actually fun. So if you value a good time with good company above all else, please, go to the sign up page and sign up. Thank you.

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  • J Brooke

    Kudos for this post! Hopefully you get some real dope folks to sign up! I’m rooting for Meet Market!

  • http://twitter.com/1800GRACIE GG. x

    great read. As a recent arrival to new york from sydney australia, i can actually verify this is in fact a global phenomenon.

  • Flowers for Zoe

    I hear your frustration. Looks play a part in any connection, but, more often than not, to find the right connection you can’t allow that to have a dominating percentage in the equation. Quality is best any day of the week.

  • ZMWright

    I know the dude in that email (or at least his type) , have done business with him, and let me say this, nobody likes him.

  • http://www.facebook.com/cathryn.vandewater Cathy Vandewater

    mkay, thanks Jozen, now I’m paranoid that the guys I was picking from said that about ME, lol!

  • http://twitter.com/donnakiran Kiran Samuel

    yeesh