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Seven Ways For Women To Be Better In The Friend Zone

So you’ve decided you’re just going to put me in the friend zone.

Fine.

I didn’t ask to be put here and I definitely didn’t want to be put here, but you’re cool enough (and honestly fine enough) for me to allow this.

But before we becomes besties, I’m going to give you some tips because even though we’re about to be friends without benefits, doesn’t mean there can’t be benefits to being your friend. If you follow these tips, I promise, I will never bother you with talks about me and you getting together or crossing the line. Your future boyfriends will never have to worry about me wanting more from you, and I will always stay in my platonic lane.

1.COOK FOR ME, ANYWAY
It’s the friend zone, not the no-cooking-for-me-just-because-I’m-not-your-boyfriend zone. If I am perfectly fine with eating food cooked by a woman who isn’t my significant other, why must you have a problem cooking for someone who is not your man? I know I’m not your boo, but that doesn’t mean I’m not a man, which doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate a woman who cooks for me. The way I see it, my male point of view about why a guy isn’t calling you back is worth at least one of your home cooked meals.

2. SECOND ROUND OF DRINKS ON YOU
“First round’s on me,” says every guy to his friend or group of friends as they’re making plans to get drinks after work or during the game. A man will easily buy a drink for his woman friend as well, but ladies, this shouldn’t go on all night. You get a round too, specifically round two. That’s not man law; that’s friend law.

3. LET ME TELL MY STORIES
About those twins I met on my trip to Brazil, let me tell you every detail about it. None of this TMI stuff. We’re friends! There’s no such thing as TMI amongst friends unless it’s incriminating. Besides, I need to tell you this story because it’s a classic and I want you, my friend, to be happy for me.

4. CHANGE RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME
Woman, look: Men don’t go hiding behind doors to get dressed if it doesn’t call for getting completely naked. Why should this be any different? We’re like two male friends, except you have different body parts than I do. Since we’ve become friends, your body and a store mannequin are the same, trust me. Just go ahead and slide on those jeans right in my line of vision, I won’t say a word with my mouth.

5. DON’T GET MAD BECAUSE I FORGOT YOUR BIRTHDAY
Ask any of my boys if I remember their birthday. They will tell you I don’t. Then ask them if we’re still friends. They will tell you we are. If I forgot your birthday, don’t get mad. Somedays I don’t log onto Facebook. Happens to the best of us and to the best of friends! My bad.

6. HOOK ME UP WITH YOUR FRIENDS
Remember that time I tried to date you and you said no? The only reason why I was okay with that is because your friends are just as fine. I didn’t know this when I first met you, but then you accepted my Facebook friend request and all of a sudden I see photo album upon photo album of you with your group of fine friends. Set me up with one of them, and don’t tell me no just because I tried you first. That’s not fair to me or your friends.

7. LIE AND DON’T TELL ANYONE I TRIED TO HOOK UP WITH YOU
One thing guys will always do for their compadre is tell a woman he is a good guy, knowing good and well he’s pretty much like every other guy. We don’t say that because we really think for the right woman our friend will be a great guy, so we always give him the benefit of the doubt. Ladies, if we’re friends, I don’t care how much dirt you know about me, I need you to do the same thing.I also need you to lie on my behalf and when another girl asks you if I ever tried to hook up with you, not only should you say I never did, tell them you wanted to hook up with me and I put you in the friend zone. Thanks in advance!

Your friend,

Jozen

Categories: Friends Tags:
  • jayne

    lol. good luck with this.

  • confused

    I’m having a discussion with my friends about whether or not this is satire. Can you confirm/deny, because we don’t have a clue.

  • http://twitter.com/msorvam myrna orvam

    Funny list….but do these apply if the guy had put you in the friend zone?

  • kk25

    It’s Jozen, of course its true!!

  • Sevin

    Ok normally you’re on point, but I’m guessing someone recently put you in the friend zone and you wrote this to clown them… Lol

  • Cookie

    Imagine a gay guy writing this story for you…would you trust it?

  • Na Na

    Lol, funny Jozen. I hope YOU soon get out of the friend zone…this is total sarcasm to someone ou know personally! and to think……I wanted to be your “friend”! lol

  • itstaya

    Nice Jozen. I appreciated the sarcasm. “That’s not man law; it’s friend law.” I need to remember that when a homie buys me a drink.

  • http://twitter.com/ShakeJenece Shake Jordan

    This is a joke. Hilarious and very beneficial if anyone would follow them but a joke, nevertheless.

  • http://twitter.com/confessionsLA confessionsLA

    Can a man really be friends with a woman he’s attracted to? I agree with most of what you said, except for #4! Not happening!