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Quit Wanting To Date Like An Old Person and my CosmoRadio Appearance

January 29th, 2013 Leave a comment Go to comments

For those who aren’t SiriusXM subscribers or don’t wake up early enough in the morning to listen to the show, “Wake Up With Taylor” (@wakeup_taylor) on the Cosmo Radio Channel, well, you missed it.

Throughout the month of January, “Wake Up With Taylor” produced a segment entitled, “30 Guys In 30 Days.” Every day they interviewed notable guys like Sean from the current season of “The Bachelor” (he appeared on the show the day before I did) to discuss dating and all that fun stuff that guys don’t talk about unless girls are around.

For my segment, recorded live on January 9, we delved into how my job as a Dating Reporter for the New York Post, and my blog, effect my dating life. But we also got into the more polarizing discussion as to what does and does not qualify as a date.

In the clip below, which is only five minutes of the 20 minute interview (legally I’m not allowed to stream the whole segment), I let down my gracious host Taylor and her partner-in-studio Kenny when they ask me what is the craziest date I’ve ever had. It’s surprising for even me to say, but I never have really had any catastrophic first dates or story worthy first dates. As I explained to them, the craziest thing I’ve done is arrange for first dates to happen around 11 PM, which is hardly a traditional time to meet someone who is still very much a stranger.

Listen to the clip

Play

What I didn’t explain is how I’ve been able to successfully manage not to have horrific dates. I mean, sure I’ve had dates that didn’t go well, but when I say the date didn’t go well, I mean we didn’t go home together. Outside of that small issue, every date I’ve had has ranged from movie-worthy to not bad. And that is because I am a magician.

Not really. It’s because I. Don’t. Ask. Out. Girls. That. I. Don’t. Like. Talking. To.

In 2013, and in New York City especially, a first date can and should be defined by more than just the activity. There is no denying, dinner for two at 7 PM, in which the man picks up the check, is indeed a date. What should also not be denied is the date credibility of other things I mentioned in the segment: Meeting up at 11 PM for a drink, joining me while I go run some errands, and getting a bite in between. Some things I did not mention: Breakfast, brunch and lunch is just as good as dinner, or a run in the park (if both of you are runners), also qualifies as a date.

There has been much discussion lately about courtship being dead, which is inextricably tied to talks about the death of the traditional or proper first date. Men don’t take women out anymore, at least not in the way we grew up watching on television. But people also don’t use house phones to make calls or check their answering machines anymore either.

In so many ways, societies norms have evolved, and yet it is with dating we still act like we’re living in a world where color televisions are mind-blowing. A lot of you are dating like old people, and therefore having as much fun as old people (no offense to old people.)

Stop it.

To those hanging onto this dogmatic idea of dating, take it from me: Not only has it changed as dramatically as the skin complexion of the man we elected to the Oval Office, but much like that situation, it is changing because it should.

My job allows me the privilege of setting people up on dates, as most of you know. To get people to sign up, I start selling them on the merits of the experience. “It’s a REAL date,” I say. “The kind of date your parents told you they used to go on.” And even though I tell no lies when I explain this to them, I know that I’m bullsh*tting them on such merits.

The experience is flimsy, at best – not in terms of quality (I send all my dates out to VERY FUN activities or VERY NICE restaurants) but value.

The truth is, 95% of the people who participate in Meet Market, have a good time. I think I’ve only had one person straight up tell me they wished they would have never showed up, and that’s not because the date was terrible, it’s just where they came from was more exciting. The other truth is, about 9% of that 95% have actually gone out on a second date with the person they met on Meet Market.

Why is that?

Well it’s because though I do my best to parce down my random pile of men and women for the sake of compatibility, I still don’t have an algorithm when it comes to matching people up. All I know how to do is plan something two strangers enjoy doing individually, together. My job isn’t to find them love, it’s to find them a good time. And I do my job very well, whether or not they go out on their own again, has no bearing on this.

The most important thing about a date is not what you do, where you go, or what time you go do what you do together, it is the person who is on the date with you. The sooner you care more about who you’re going out with, instead of where you’re going and what you’re doing, the better chances you will find someone with whom you want to do everything.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/amanda.trinity Amanda R. Trinity

    You know what’s funny the other day I went out with the guy i am dating to target and some other places. And I laughed because I remembered your post on the errand date. And we actually had a lot of fun. He was even taken back by it! It’s crazy though in a world where time is so poignant and precious it’s hard to plan the “Donna Reed” type date. I’m not saying that it can’t happen…but you are right. Thanks jozen!

  • Treifalicious

    Running errands with a stranger and that’s a date? How does this encourage people to get to know each other? How does this facilitate romantic attraction? I don’t insist on a fancy dinner and a show for every first date, but I still believe a certain amount of first date kabuki is justifiable and even desirable. Romance requires a certain amount of illusion. Why start a relationship with no romance when you know it will eventually fade anyway? What will you reminisce about on your 25th wedding anniversary? Do people really want to skip the romantic honeymoon stage and go straight to the hanging out at Target in your sweats stage on Date 1? Ugh. Why bother?

  • David

    brilliant! i’m doing a lot of messaging back and forth with a girl i met on NYE. i had woken up early on a Saturday to pick up groceries. it had snowed and i use public transportation to grab groceries. while i was on the bus, she messaged me and asked me where i was. told her i was at the store and she offered to pick me up. she did and on the way home, i got her to stop off at the wine store and bought her a bottle for her trouble… 1st date. its amazing the results you get when your view of dating or dates is outside the box. keep up the amazing chronicling of your exploits. thank you.