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Archive for February, 2013

Everyone Deserves A Date, Including a Guy Named Dan

February 24th, 2013 18 comments

Last week, I received an email at work about my Meet Market column from a man named Dan. Here is what he sent me:

I am a reader of The New York Post and enjoy your Meet Market page. I noticed it says I can email you if I would be interested in winning a date. I would be interested in participating in this and would enjoy the opportunity of meeting a woman with your help. Kindly let me know how to proceed. Thank you.

I get this type of email from readers about once or twice a week, usually on Mondays, the day after the column has appeared in the paper. They always make me happier because they make my job easier; one more person for the column, one less person I have to coerce into participating.

I asked Dan if he was over 21 and lived in either NYC or the immediate area outside of NYC, as I do all people who reach out with interest. He replied he was 36-years-old and lived in Long Island. So I told him to fill out the questionnaire and to come in as soon as he could for the picture he has to take for the column. He said he would get started on the questionnaire and could come in the next day for the photo.

Dan arrived at the time he said he would, and I greeted him downstairs to take him up to our studio.

Most of the people who sign up for Meet Market reach out through through email, so I meet them for the first time in person at that downstairs greeting. I never know what they look like or how they are going to be. Usually they are excited to take their photo, shy or busy and want to get it over with.

Dan was none of these things. I could tell he was different than anyone else I met.

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Categories: Work Tags:

The Undeniable Joy (and Tinge of Admiration) an Unmarried Man Feels for Men Who Get Married

February 19th, 2013 7 comments

In a little less than two months, I will be a groomsman at the wedding of a friend I call a brother. Very recently, another one of my close friends (from the same group of men who will be at the aforementioned) got down on his knee to pop the question.

My joy for both of them – instant and genuine – ranks up there with the best feelings I ever had. Granted, when my sister told me she was having a baby, I cried; when my mother told me my step-dad proposed to her, I couldn’t stop smiling for days; and when the woman who has been like a sister to me for 13 years, said she was getting married, I was hi-fiving the air all around me. But the happiness I feel for these men is slightly different. Not necessarily greater, but a seismic shift within my spirit for sure.

Some men develop such a close bond with our boys, that we become oddly dependent on them. I say oddly because sure I may not be as close as I was to some of them when we were all living on campus with one another, but no matter how far they are from me, I expect them to be around always. Not to take this post in a sad direction, but it’s worth noting: When my friend in April gets married, the ring bearer will be the nephew of our friend Trey, who was tragically killed in a car accident in 2011.

That’s how tight we are with each other.

With my friends, we are just as competitive with each other as we are supportive. But one race none of us ever wanted to win was the race down the aisle. The first of our crew was married back in 2007 (or maybe 2006), we all wished him a hearty congrats, and I thought, “Better him than me!” But I was still in my 20s, a decade that I still believe is best spent having sex with all the wrong people

Now I’m in my 30s and two of my friends have put rings on it. Not only am I wise enough to not think they’re crazy, I’m man enough to admit, they’re winning a race I’m interested in finishing myself.

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Categories: Friends Tags:

Can I Afford to Date?

February 12th, 2013 14 comments

As my grandmother took her seat at the table to meet my mother and I for breakfast, she asked me, “So do you have a girlfriend?”

“Nope,” I said.

“Good,” she said with a nod of approval. “They’re too expensive.”

(Ladies and gentlemen, my grandmother, hater of the year for as long as I can remember.)

The exchange above wasn’t recent. It was actually a few years ago, at a time when I was actively dating. I laughed at her remark, but it always stuck with me in the sense that she was right. Girlfriends are expensive, and though some may read her comment as heartless, I prefer to look at it as a heartfelt, but conservative message. I doubt she would tell my sister boyfriends are expensive because my grandmother is a woman of tradition who believes it’s a man’s responsibility to support his woman (even though she owned a restaurant for years to much success entirely on her own). And she knew I wasn’t in a position to be able to do that.

I have thought about my grandmother’s comment a lot these days. Single and in pursuit of control over my finances, one expense I’m looking at and thinking about constantly is the dating expense. The evaluation is also compounded with a conversation I had with my ex as she was breaking up with me.

She said, “I don’t think you should date anybody, at all, until you get your money under control.”

Foolishly I asked her if she was going to date other people. She didn’t hesitate, “If someone asks me out on a date, I’m not going to say no.”

Who can blame her? Any of us lucky enough to get an invitation to accompany someone on a night out would say yes, unless they had better things to do.At least, most women would, and I think we can all agree, for men like myself, dating is a little different.

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The Night of the Non-Believers

February 6th, 2013 8 comments

Your mind is going crazy, and it’s only 8: 17 PM. It’s way too early to go to bed, and unfortunately it’s a night where nothing on television is entertaining enough to quiet the inner voices. So you start texting her, telling her she has to get her stuff from you, asking the same questions you’ve already asked using a different combination of words. You’re right there, at the edge of a free fall into a pit of things you might regret saying.

Then your dad calls. You have to pick up, because usually you two talk on Sundays. Tonight is not a Sunday, so it could be an emergency. Besides, perhaps this is a sign to back away from that edge from which you were looking down. You stare at the number, thinking, Do I pickup? Do I let it go to voicemail?

“Hi, Dad.”

“Oh, hey,” he says.

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Let’s Talk About Money, Baby

February 1st, 2013 1 comment

Earlier this week, I received an interesting study from a publicist at Chase Card Services called the Chase Blueprint Valentine’s Day Survey. The timing was ironic, considering my current focus on financial prosperity (or at least, peace), so unlike many press released I receive, I actually read over it carefully.

Here are some facts they shared and my thoughts on them.

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Categories: The Process Tags: