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Archive for May, 2013

Hey Girl, Talk to me About Street Harrassment

May 30th, 2013 12 comments

I need a prayer to get in her book and it looks rather dry
I guess a twinkle in her eye is just a twinkle in her eye
Although she’s crazy steppin, I’ll try to stop her stride
Cause I won’t have no more of this passin me by

— Slimkid3 of The Pharcyde from “Passin’ Me By”

 

Several years ago, me and my boys Ace and Hugh were walking down Canal street in New Orleans. We were there for the Essence Music Festival, Fourth of July Weekend. For those who have never been or read my previous posts about it, it’s essentially a weekend of nothing but great music, excellent cuisine, lots of liquor, and for a man, so much eye candy they’re bound to leave with optical diabetes.

Such a piece walked right past the three of us as we were discussing which direction we were going in. The girl was flanked by two others on her right and left side. They were all walking quickly, but Ace and Hugh and I noticed the woman in the middle. This was day two at the festival, a festival we had been to previous years, so by now we were well trained in the art of patience. We were no longer running after pretty face who walked by, and put a premium on good conversation with strangers instead of just aesthetics. But this girl in the middle couldn’t be ignored, at least not by me.

I stepped away from the group to catch up. Of course, I had no idea what to say to get her attention. She was wearing a floral dress, so thinking on my toes I started yelling “Hey, flower girl!” as I speed-walked towards her, hoping to get her to turn around before I had to pass her up, turn around, and get in her way. “Flower girl” wasn’t working, so I started yelling, “Beautiful, beautiful!”

Finally, she turned around, but only for a moment to see if I was talking to her. “Yes, you.” She turned back around and kept walking. “No, you, I’m talking to you!” There was a storefront with mirrors to our immediate left, as they were still walking, I improvised: “Look to your left, in the mirror, I’m talking to you. You!” She looked to her left. “There you go,” I said as she was slowing down, and finally stood at the corner, her girls putting some space between us and them. “Hi,” I said. “I’m sorry for yelling, I just had to stop you. My name is Jozen…”

What happened next isn’t relevant to today’s post, but since I know you all are nosy I will say this much: She ended up visiting me in New York City a few weeks later.

The reason I’m sharing this story is because I want to talk about street harassment. It is close to 90 degrees in New York City today, and the forecast says the weather will be hovering around that temperature for the next few days. That means Summer is here, and it also means women are going to hear the latest in cat call lexicon.

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Categories: guys Tags:

Why is it Wrong For Men to Use Coupons on a Date?

May 29th, 2013 14 comments

Now you can tell from my everday fits I ain’t rich
So cease and desist with them tricks
I’m just another black man caught up in the mix
Trying to make a dollar out of 15 cents

— Shock G from “I Get Around”

Every now and then I ask a group of my lady friends the following question:

Is it okay for a man use a coupon deal on his first date with you?

In my unscientific research, very few women say it’s fine. Most women tell me it is not. For those women, I follow up with this question:

Is it okay for a man to take you to a restaurant during Restaurant Week?”

The majority of the responses are some variation of this phrase: “Yes, that’s different.”

So here’s the question I ask all of them, and I’m extending to my readers.

What. Is. The. Difference?

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Categories: dating Tags:

For the Girl Who Asked You to Write

May 28th, 2013 4 comments

“New faces,” he said finally, “don’t tell me about new faces.” It seemed that the last time he had gone to a party where he had been promised “new faces,” there had been fifteen people in the room, and he had already slept with five of the women and owed money to all but two of the men.

Joan Didion from “Goodbye to All That”

There is a sea of people in front of the actual sea. You are standing at the bar looking out at both, in a slight daze, waiting on your boy, who is somewhere in this crowd. The music is loud, making the outdoor space feel like an indoor one. The crowd noise is a quiet hum underneath all that bass and treble, and squeaky electronic sounds. How the speakers can take over all of outside is fascinating.

“Hey, you, YOU!” A girl, sitting at a table with friends a good 20 feet away from you stand, is waving her arms in your direction. You make eye contact with her and she confirms it is you she’s waving at. “Yeah, you,” she says. “Where’s my blog? I’m a big fan, you don’t update as much.”

Thank you. I know. I need to get back on it.

“Yeah,” she says. “Get back on it. I used to start my mornings by reading your blog. I need that.”

Thank you. I promise. I will write something this week.

“You better,” she says with a smile on her face.

You have no idea if you’re going to write anything that week, because lately you’ve had no idea what to write about. You built a following by writing personal things, and being honest, but over time you started holding back. It used to be easy, writing five days a week, back when you were actually getting out old feelings about girlfriends in your past. All those thoughts and emotions have been exhumed, and therefore you’ve written less, but there hasn’t been less to write about.

There’s been less you’re willing to share.

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Categories: Stories Tags:

SPONSORED POST: Help People Meet More People with Match.com and Stir

May 21st, 2013 3 comments

Since 80 percent of my job is to meet single people for the purposes of my column, I’ve been to more than my fair share of mix and mingles, etc. Without question, the best ones I’ve been to are Match.com’s one-year-old Stir events.

I know you see the “Sponsored Post” tag on the title of this post and think I’m being paid to say that, but believe me I didn’t have to be paid anything to spread the good word. When I was invited to check out a Stir event last year, I had no idea what to expect, and I was hardly excited to go. But it was a Saturday night, I had no other plans on my calendar, so I thought why not. It was a straightforward night of cocktails at one of my favorite Midtown venues, Lounge 48.

When I walked in that night, I did so by myself; a stranger amongst strangers, which is never comfortable. Two hours later, I was leaving with three girls and two guys who were friends of theirs. We ended up at a karaoke lounge (I sang a Drake song, of course), and then a club on the Lower East Side where a friend of mine was spinning while Adrian Grenier stood off to the side nodding his head in approval with some friends.

Match_logo_vector (3)

 

How I got there with people I didn’t know prior to leaving my apartment that night can be credited to the Stir event. Unlike a typical night at any non-descript lounge or social venue, everyone at the Stir event is 1) single 2) there to meet someone they’ve never met before. That’s not something I considered when I walked into the event, but after experiencing it for myself, I can honestly say Stir events are one of the best ways to meet new people, and that includes the next person you might call a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Though that wasn’t the end result with my own Stir experience, I still came away with some good friends and good memories, which is probably more than I would get on a typical Saturday night out at a less formalized gathering.

But that sort of magic isn’t exclusive to the adult playground known as NYC. In just one year Match has hosted 2,850 events – broken down, that’s 14 events each day, 75 events a week, 320 events per month! Match has collaborated with over 1,200 venues and partners, including House of Blues, Banana Republic, Sur la Table and Warrior Dash, along with local gems in each city. Match is throwing singles events in over 80 cities across America – including events in Anchorage and Honolulu! Over 225,000 singles have attended a Stir event to date! In celebration of the Stir anniversary, Match.com is offering the opportunity for singles to create their own Stir event, and if their event is chosen, to work with Match Stir event planners to bring it to life!

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