About That Life…Together
Last week, after we wrapped up the final episode of House of Cards’ second season, Gina said, “I don’t ever watch that much TV.” That wasn’t shade thrown in my direction, even though I’m the one responsible for getting her hooked on the show. I understood what she meant as do most of us who watch HOC. That show is a marathon, even when we exercise a sort of portion control. Watching only one episode, knowing the next episode is just a click away, is a feat no one I know has figured out how to master.
But her comment did have me thinking how the two of us spend time together. I understand our relationship is still in its newborn phase, but we have spent a significant amount of that time together. Since she’s come into my life, I can honestly say the both of us have spent more time with each other than anyone else. And so there’s enough of a sample size to spot a trend in how we spend time together. When I thought about it, I realized, we very rarely have a quiet night inside watching something on television.
We like to party.
The same weekend we wrapped up House of Cards, we also worked on our individual projects together at a coffee shop. Then there were a couple of hours she spent cleaning up her place while I prepared things for my next trivia night. We were going to go running on Saturday, but what had happened was…We went out on Friday. We probably would have ran on Sunday, but what had happened was…we went out on Saturday. Both nights we were out until at least 3 AM. On Sunday night, went to go see Schoolboy Q and if it wasn’t for the fact that I was exhausted, we might have gone to the dance party that was happening in the same venue afterward.
I thought to myself, Damn, I haven’t slowed down since I’ve been in a relationship. If anything, I’m out more.
When I was single, I went out a lot. I liked it. If there was a party, and I knew about it, it would take more for me not to be there than to be there. Part of the reason is my job put me in a position where being social helps me so I always felt somewhat obligated to be somewhere people were going to be. The other part is I just liked to go out all the time. Such was my life not in my younger years. This was me last year. This was my life right up until I met my girlfriend. Hell, the night I met her, it was at a party as well, the first of two I was hitting up. If I recall, she too had another party to attend.
Of course, as much as I was certain about my lifestyle, there was a part of me that felt like Van Wilder. Certainly before I turned 30 I always thought that phase of my life would be done by the time I was in my third decade of life, and often times, I did feel a nag of self consciousness about the whole thing. Other women and their opinions of my lifestyle didn’t help either. I was always the guy who went out more than any other guy they knew. They’d say this as a matter of fact, and try not to insult me, but I heard that tinge of disapproval in their voice. Sometimes they didn’t hold back and told me what they really thought. They said they were getting old and going out was overrated; that a guy like me was suffering from arrested development.
I felt like a lot of them were suffering from a condition themselves, but I don’t know what the technical term is for being in a rush to live like our parents.
There are guys who want women to believe they can’t meet a good man at a party or in the club. For whatever reason, many women have bought into this theory, which is why so many believe they have no place at the party after a certain age, and the men who do are looking for women of a certain, younger age. But if anyone thinks hard enough or has actually experienced life, they would know how flawed this logic is. I have met women everywhere from coffee shops to OkCupid, and not one of those women were given an extra point because of where we met. If I met a woman at a bookstore, I would hope she likes to go to the club every now and get her dance on. If I met a woman at the club, I would hope she likes to go to the bookstore every now and then to get her read on.
If you are the type of person who likes to go out and party, no matter what age you are, understand there is nothing wrong with you or your lifestyle. If you party responsibly then party on and don’t worry about those who think you’re never going to find someone. What matters more than where you are according to your GPS is where you are mentally and emotionally, that doesn’t change entirely based on physical surroundings. And if you think the clubs and the bars are holding you back, then stop going out. Don’t wait for some person who prefers nights inside to change you, because eventually you’re going to get that familiar urge to change clothes instead.
In the three months I’ve been with my girlfriend, I have partied just as much if not more than I was partying before I met her. All the while, we’ve been doing it together, because not only does she not judge me for how much I go out, she joins me and I’ve had a blast. Hell, I could make a case that going out with her has been more fun than when I was roaming as a lone wolf, always wondering who my plus one would be to an event.
The other night I asked my lady what she would do if I was the type of guy who didn’t like to go out. She said she would just go out without me. Thankfully she doesn’t have to worry about that. I like to party. She likes to party. We like to party and we probably will continue to do so. Honestly, man, turn down for what, for who? Relationships don’t have to mean the party’s over; sometimes they can mean the party’s just getting started.