On Kissing: Just Go For It
There is a video being passed around today of strangers kissing in front of a camera. If you haven’t seen it, watch below before you get into the rest of the post.
The people are real, but the scenes are a fantasy. They all know the cameras are watching them, and they all know why they are there. In real life, two strangers never get down like that, at least, when they’re sober. So we can take this video for the entertainment that it is, more than the chemistry experiment some have made it out to be.
If you pay attention, you will see there are some revealing things here; lessons from which we can learn. For instance: Women can make the first move too. At 1:13, notice she is brushing up on him, and the way the guy is such a bundle of nerves, he stalls. In all of the scenes, watch the hands. As a professional kisser, I’ve always paid attention to what her hands are doing. You can’t see them, but they’re a good indicator for when things are going right. As intimate as lips pressed against one another can be, hands – touching the face, wrapping around the neck – tell us what pressure from lips cannot.
Perhaps the most important lesson each scene teaches is the value in just going for it.
I don’t know when I came up with this rule, but at some point I told myself I would no longer wait until the end of a date to go in for the first kiss. I would wisely choose my spot, but I was convinced if the chemistry was there, then it wouldn’t need a whole night to manifest itself in the form of a smooch. If we were getting to the night’s end and the desire wasn’t felt by me or evident coming from her, then it was a wash. Presumptuous? Of course. Inaccurate? Not entirely. I can’t ever recall a girl who didn’t kiss me on the first date wanting to see me for a second one.
Of course some people have rules against this sort of thing. They will tell you they don’t kiss on the first date, and when I say “they”, I mean, women, mostly. They need to get to know the guy first.
I can do nothing but respect that, but I have also said, even women who don’t kiss on the first date would love to feel a reason to break their rule. That doesn’t mean we as guys force ourselves upon a woman. Remember, that video you see above is produced, so I would highly recommend you not try that at home, at least literally.
But, for the men who are reading this, there’s only a slight difference between you and your date and the people in that video. The slight difference being they’ve only know each other for minutes, and you have only know the woman with whom you’re out on a date for a couple hours at most. So your strangers all the same and even if you two have been friends, if you’re out on a date with them, they’re still unfamiliar to you in a particular way. So going in for the kiss might not be as easy as just leaning in, but there are no easy paths to greatness, which is why you have to swallow your pride (and your spit) and go for it.
You do this by first establishing eye contact. In food, they say presentation is important because the eye eats before the mouth does. Apply that same rule here. The name of the game is to charm and look right into a woman’s eyes at every opportune moment. This builds up the chemistry (or at least establishes that there is none) necessary to kiss later. As for making the move, you are on your own. You can pull them in or push up close, but whatever way you choose, it must be done with confidence. If she isn’t receptive, back off immediately, don’t force it and just take the L like a gentleman (take it from me, a gentleman who has taken his fair share of them). She could very well not be ready or not that into you, it doesn’t matter and it doesn’t mean you made the wrong move. It just means you were the wrong person to make the right move, because as we saw in the video above, the right move is always to just go for it. Kiss the girl and see what happens next.