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Three Dating Tips For Guys I Gave on ‘Sway In The Morning’

Last week, I had the privilege of appearing on Sway In The Morning on SiriusXM Channel, Shade45 for a segment called First Aid with Kelly Kinkaid. I was brought in to discuss dating during the Spring/Summer season, but as with most live radio, things can unexpectedly go into a different direction.

I’ve gotten to the point now where most appearances don’t make me nervous, but admittedly, sitting down with Sway had me rubbing my hands on my jeans to get the sweat off. Personally, Sway has been one of my media heroes. His most remarkable trait is how straightforward he is with all his guests, no matter who it is. From the rapper we have never heard of to Barack Obama, Sway’s questions may change but the guy doesn’t. There is no code switching going on. He was sitting to my right, as you will see, and Kelly was on my left. Props to her as well for making me feel like I had the credibility to be given the platform to speak on this topic.

So I’m sitting in between both of them, and waiting for the questions come to me. I’m expecting us to talk about how to navigate the dating scene during the warmer months when folks start seeing more skin. This is a conversation I’ve prepared for in my head, but out of nowhere, Sway hits me with a question for which I was not prepared.

“What are three things, as men,we should be doing?”

I had no time to prepare for this question, but I have been asked a variation of this question so many times, I confidently listed the first rule I have. But no sooner do I say my first rule (more on that below) do I hear a bell. And all of a sudden, in my head, I’m thinking, “Oh, this is serious! I don’t even know if I have two more.”

Fortunately, I know how to think on my toes, and I was able to rattle off the other two. Admittedly, I liked these rules I came up with, so much so, I am now going to share and expound on them a little bit more here. You can watch my entire interview on Sway in The Morning with both he and Kelly Kinkaid at the bottom, but get these dating vegetables first!

Here are my three dating tips for guys:

Dude, if you ask a woman out and she says yes, the next questions should NEVER be, “So what do you want to do? Where do you want to go?” Always, always have a plan for your date before you even ask the woman out. You have to understand, most girls like going out on dates more than they like guys. You aren’t special, but your invitation is, so she will more than likely say yes. What makes you stand out is your ability to actually make the plans. This is your first opportunity to show her your good taste in restaurants or your penchant for finding fun things to do, it also allows you to control the budget of the date. If someone asked me out and then they asked me where I wanted to go, and I knew my wallet wasn’t going to be taking the hit, I would show OUT. I would ask to go to the type of restaurant where they serve lobster but not with complimentary cheddar bay biscuits. So not only is it important for you to make the plans so you can show your ability to take the lead and be creative, it will also help you stick to my next dating tip.

If you’re a rich man reading this blog, don’t think you can skip this step. It applies to you too. You can disagree all you want, but even rich men know what I’m talking about.

If you’re single, dating should be on your budget somewhere between Entertainment and Groceries because it’s something you need in moderation and something you need all the time. Once you have determined how much of your income will go towards dating, stick to it. A long time ago, when I wrote a post on this blog about taking women out for soup during the winter, people took me to task saying I was being cheap, which is unfortunate. Not only is soup delicious, but it’s effective. I know this because the first date I went out on with my girlfriend was to a ramen shop. She did not complain and as a matter of fact, she will be the first to say our first date was perfect.

How much did the perfect date cost me? $25.00

As you will see, even Sway was amazed when I said this on air.

How did I do that? I’m glad you asked because it leads me to my final tip:

Not only do I make the plans on a date and not only do I keep them within a budget, I also try to make them as creative as possible. Is dinner on a first date that creative? Hell no. But sometimes delivery of the invitation is as important as the event myself. When I asked Gina out, I wasn’t like, “Hey, you want to go get a bite to eat?” “Do you want to do dinner?” Those are lame ways to ask someone out and since I’m not lame, here’s what I told her:

“There’s a new ramen shop that just opened up over in Midtown West and it looks like it’s going to rain on the night we’re supposed to go out, so let’s go there. It’ll be perfect ramen weather.”

Not only did she say yes, she’s been saying yes to me ever since because the invitation has multiple points of entry. Let’s examine them:

  • *Keyword: New: I keep up with restaurant openings both because of my job and because I’m into going out to eat. Saying that it was new demonstrates my enthusiasm for discovery.
  • Not soup, but ramen: “Soup” as a word, doesn’t sound appealing, to most people it harkens a memory of Campbell’s can. So even though we’re going to soup, I never say soup, I say ramen. I’m being specific so it sounds a little bit nicer.
  • Weather plays a factor: Because it was raining and we were getting hit with our first cold front of the season, I wanted to make the date sound seasonally appropriate. Whether it’s sunshine or rain, mother nature can be a factor in how dates go, learn how to utilize her effectively.

It’s little touches such as these that make you look good in a natural way. Also keep in mind, if you actually decide on an activity, it automatically lowers the cost of whatever else comes after. Example: If you decide to take her to a concert, for which you got free tickets, guess what? A couple of slices of pizza after will suffice because it came with a side of great concert!

So do your research (girls dig that), budget accordingly and then ask her out on your version of “soup.” Maybe it’s a museum, maybe it’s an open mic at a coffee shop, maybe it’s a minor league baseball game or a free concert somewhere. Whatever it is, if you follow these rules, you will be able to relax because you know you have everything under control, which helps you focus on the most important part of the date: Her.

Jozen on Sway In The Morning

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  • jack

    I thought you were great, I totally thought your answer was rehearsed based off your delivery so the nervousness didn’t even come across in that respect. Good job!

  • TG.


  • Beautifully Complex

    These are spot on Jozen. I promise you my new husband of 6 months followed these exact rules when he started dating me & locked me down quite easily, LOL. BTW I have been lurking for a long time & it is great to see how you have grown as a writer & I am excited for you & your new relationship.

  • sunshyne84

    #1! I don’t know why guys can’t get this together. I’d rather be asked out for soup though, ramen sounds like noodles you can get 5 for $1.