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Overrated Argument: Phone Passwords

“Why the hell do you have a six-digit password?”

My boy looked at me with sheer confusion on his face when he asked me this question sometime last summer.

“I mean, aren’t you single? Who are you hiding from?”

I didn’t have an answer to his question as I was looking up directions for the next place we were going. He had a point. I had a long password to get in my phone and at that time in my life, the only one who was going through it was me. Sure, I had to account for a crazy girl or two who may be prone to want to see if I received any nudes from anyone but them, but back in those days, I considered snooping a huge no-no in my relationships with women, and the only way to teach that lesson was letting them discover things they really weren’t ready to see on their own. So if they found something, lesson learned.

Considering the strong point my boy made, I decided to take the password off my phone and I noticed the difference immediately. No longer did I have to worry about keeping it steady in my hand as I typed in my password to check it in awkward positions. Sure, it didn’t take more than a couple of seconds to get through my phone security system, but I noticed how much more efficient everything became once I shaved those seconds off by opting not to have a password.

When I got into my current relationship, I didn’t bother putting a password back on my phone. I thought about it, but only in the sense that I noticed I never felt compelled to do so, which was always the case in prior relationships. Even in the past, I can’t say I was always hiding something, but having at least something to hide became such a habit, well, I ended up having a password on things even when I didn’t need them.

About two weeks ago, my employer decided to change email systems. In order to have access to the email on the phone, it was mandatory that we add a security lock to the phone. This was a hassle for me. I grew accustomed to the smooth entry way into my phone. Those couple of seconds I got back when I took the lock off my phone had done me wonders, and I didn’t want to let them go. That’s all I was thinking about until I realized I also had to explain to my girl why all of a sudden I had a password on my phone.

Let me spare all of you reading any buildup: Gina simply shrugged and said okay. There wasn’t a grill session, or a long conversation. The only follow-up question she had for me was what the password was, and I didn’t hesitate to cough up that information. Considering the fact that I know her password, it was only fair she knew mine.

What shocked me is how normal it all felt.

When I was single, I thought my next relationship would have a little more drama over things like sharing passwords on my phone. Truth be told, I’m disappointed there isn’t more to it, but what can I say? I have a taste for the dramatic.

Issues like whether or not our partners should be able to get into our phones are always discussed under the umbrella of larger issues like trust. When I told my girl about the new password, I did so not only because I wanted her to understand she could still trust me, but I also trusted her to not go through my phone simply because she could.

That being said, does this mean I advocate for all couples to share phone passwords? Don’t be ridiculous. Everyone not only has a right to privacy, they also have a right to set the parameters of their privacy. One person’s phone password is another person’s house keys. Arguments over access to phones are overrated. The more proper argument in this case would be about trust, and that is never an overrated discussion to have.

It is no big deal that my girl and I know each other’s passwords for our phones. None whatsoever. If you are one of those couples who know each others passwords, you can join me and my girl in line to collect our prize of nothing. But if you’re in the type of relationship where you’re fighting to know someone else’s password, you’re fighting the wrong battle. There is a discussion to be had if your partner doesn’t want to share their phone passwords with you, but it has nothing to do with the phone.

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  • laddibugg

    Generally I agree, however, if you tell me “I put a pw on my phone so YOU won’t go through it”, I’d have issues.
    I don’t have a pw on mine, and I know the bf’s since we use each other’s phones for various reasons–whomever’s is closer, or if someone’s dies. If I came into our situation and he had one one his phone I wouldn’t ask for it, but locking your phone with no explanation all of a sudden would be at least a yellow flag.