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This Is How Arguments Start

People ask me if Gina and I have argued yet, and I’m proud to say we actually have. Thus far, they haven’t been over anything deep, but of course, they have been caused because one of us or both of us were being petty. Below is an example of what I’m talking about. This actually happened and I’ve rehashed it as accurately as I can remember.

BACKGROUND

Like most New Yorkers, Gina and I travel around the big city mostly by public transportation, but every couple of weeks, she travels out to her parents place in New Jersey to pick up her old car and use it for a week.  Save for an easier trip for a grocery store binge, going on day trips out of the city, and moving large items from one place to another, the convenience of a car is minimal. As much as I love to drive, doing so in New York City is a hassle not worth the time or the energy, which kind of doesn’t matter in this instance because I can’t drive Gina’s car anyway. She uses a stick shift and I only know how to handle an automatic.

But that is not where the inconvenience lies. The biggest frustration with driving in New York City is a bitch named parking.

In New York City, the more residential neighborhoods have alternate side street parking. On Monday and Thursday and Tuesday and Friday, you must move your car and park on the alternate side of the street generally before 8 AM until 11 AM (Wednesdays and the weekends are exempt in most areas). This means finding parking the night before or in the hours before the alternate side rule takes effect is  like trying to find a spot in a mall parking lot the day after Thanksgiving.  Imagine feeling that anxiety and frustration four days out of the week.

Now try to picture two people in this situation trying to get along.

OUTSIDE MY APARTMENT

Gina is waiting for me to come downstairs so we can move her car. I figure she’d appreciate my company and my extra set of eyes. It’s also late and I don’t want her having to walk through my neighborhood from wherever she parks by herself.

GINA
I’m downstairs.

ME
Coming down.

We exchange pleasantries, a kiss, a hug, questions about each others day as we walk to the car. We always get along well. We get in her car and buckle in. Gina pulls out of her spot.

ME
Wait, why are we moving your car tonight if we don’t have to move it tomorrow?

GINA
I told you, because we’re going out tomorrow night,
and I don’t want to move it when we get home,
so I’d rather find a spot I can stay in until Friday.

ME
Oh, okay. That makes sense, I guess.

GINA
It makes perfect sense.

ME
And why are we trying to park it up here
and not by your place?

GINA
Because I packed for two days at your place
so I didn’t need to go home.

ME
Oh yeah, okay.
Hey, you think you can
park right over there?

Points to an area near a fire hydrant
that may or may not be far enough to avoid a ticket

GINA
I don’t want to risk it.

ME
Okay. Make this left.

She makes the left.

GINA 
What side is Friday here, North or South?
Oh, North, okay. Look for a spot on this side.

ME
Got it. So today, I was…

GINA
Is that a spot?

ME
Nope, that’s a hydrant too.
So, anyway, about today…

GINA
Wait, can we park here in this area?

ME
Yeah, you can park here.

GINA
Is that what the sign says?

ME
I don’t know, but I see cars here
and this is my neighborhood I see
cars park here all the time.

GINA
What does the sign say?

ME
I just told you, I…

Gina glances to her left as she slows down

GINA
Okay, we can park here.

ME
Amazing.

GINA
What? I wanted to know
what days were in effect.

ME
It’s cool.

GINA
Wait, is that person pulling out?

Gina passes the car as it turns on its headlights.

GINA
It is. Should I wait here?

ME
No, traffic is coming. Go
around the block, they
haven’t pulled out yet and
we can catch it.

We come back around the block, a car is pulling into the spot

ME
Oh, damn.

GINA
**Every curse word imaginable, then**
This is why you don’t circle the block!

ME
I mean, I thought we had a chance.

GINA
No, you don’t circle the block.
We should’ve just waited.

ME
But traffic was…

GINA
I don’t care!

ME
Okay, calm down.

GINA
I need to calm down?
Are you driving?

ME
Here we go…

GINA
Damn, I wish you knew
how to drive stick!

ME
I wish your car was
an automatic.

GINA
Don’t start.

ME
Wait, there’s someone else
pulling out!

GINA
Where? Oh! Should I…

ME
Bust this U-turn before
the lights change and these
cars make a left. They
might take it.

Light changes

ME
Make the U!

GINA
I can’t, the cars are coming.

ME
But…okay, you can do it now!

As she makes the U turn a car pulls into the spot

GINA
DAMN IT!
**says all the curse words once again**

ME
You could’ve made that…

GINA
I could’ve stayed and got the first
parking spot instead you told me
to circle the block!

ME
Yeah and then after getting mad
at me, you decide to get shy about
making that U turn in the street!

GINA
Ugh…you need to learn how
to drive my car.

ME
I have no problem with that. I
have told you I wanted to learn.

GINA
This weekend.

ME
Fine. This wee…where are you going?

GINA
Down this street to find parking?

ME
Eh, I don’t know if this is the best street.

GINA
Why?

ME
This is my neighborhood’s version of 114th.

GINA
What?

ME
We never park on 114th for a reason and you know
why. This is the same type of street.

GINA
Well, let’s just see. Is that one?

ME
No. That’s a church. Can’t park
in front of a church.

GINA
Okay, should I make a right here?

ME
If I told you to do that, would
you listen?

Gina glares at me

ME
Don’t look at me like that.
You know you’re going to
do what you want.

GINA
Then where should we try?

ME
Go down to 145th and make a right.

GINA
Okay, but I don’t think they have
parking there.

ME
Well, we have to go down to find out.
Or, you know what else would work?

GINA
What?

ME
If that parking app idea I told you about
actually existed. We’d know before we
got down there!

GINA
Let that idea go!

ME
I’m just saying, if you…

GINA
You’re right, baby. It is
a great idea. I’m sorry I told you
it wasn’t when you first said it.

ME
Are you being sarcastic?

GINA
No! Of course not!

ME
Because there’s no need for that.

GINA
It looks like there’s also no parking
here on 145th.

ME
What about over there?

GINA 
What does the sign say?

ME
It says…Oh, limited time parking Monday
through Friday. Okay, go up to St. Nick. Make a right.

GINA
Wait, is that woman walking to her car?

ME
I don’t see…oh, OH! I think…

GINA
Yeah?

ME
She’s reaching in her pockets! Maybe
she’s getting her keys?

GINA
Yeah, she’s walking to the driver’s side. But,
is she parked legally?

ME
I can’t see the sign, but it looks like it!

GINA
Can you get out and check?

ME
Yeah, hold on.

I get out and run down to a sign. 

ME
We’re good!

Gina parks and gets out of the car.

GINA
You need to learn how to drive stick.

ME
Fine. This weekend. But can you
admit my parking app idea would be
useful for times like this.

GINA
I told you, it’s good.

ME
Are you being sarcastic?

GINA
No, I’m not. You should
work on that, babe.

ME
I will.

GINA
After you learn how to drive stick.

We walk back to my apartment in silence.

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  • carissa

    This was hilarious! Sounds like a similar conversation that would take place in my car.

    I’ve missed your posts!!! Glad to see them coming back~

  • Lashuntrice

    LOL

  • Amethyst

    Lol, now that was funny. Great read 🙂

  • AmBam

    omg. This was the most pointless argument. But it happens.