Five Things To Do Before She Goes On That Ladies-Only Vacation
Tomorrow, Gina is going on a ladies-only vacation with her friends to some island in the Caribbean. She will be gone for four days.
Now, if this was about five years ago, I would be completely and utterly sick over this. When I was younger, the idea of my woman going on any trip without me had my anxiety levels going up like an airplane. Even if we were in a perfectly good place as she packed her bags, even if I trusted her completely, whenever a woman I was dating said they had a girl’s trip on deck, all I could think about was the possibility that she might meet a Dexter.
Gina’s trip is a little different. She actually invited me to go originally, but for reasons that are I will save for another post, I couldn’t make it. As a matter of fact, I believe the original plan was to make it a co-ed trip, for all parties, and it just so happened things dissolved into what is now a women-only excursion. Besides, I’m not the same guy I used to be, and I’m not really worried about anything happening while she’s sunbathing on the beaches of this island she will be staying at.
But, it took me years to attain this level of calm as she embarks on a great adventure, and for the guys out there who still get knots in their stomach when their girl says she’s going on a trip and you’re not invited, I feel your angst. So for you fellas out there, here are five things you can do to, at the very least, quell your worries.
FEED HER WELL
As soon as your woman has booked her flight to that place with a beach, expect to see her in the gym trying to whip her body into bikini shape. This is fine, and it should be encouraged, but if you want to stagnate that progress, become her personal chef. Load her up with all kinds of things she should not be eating, but pass it off as you just trying to learn some new recipes from a cook book, preferably by Patti Labelle.
TELL HER SHE LOOKS GREAT IN THINGS SHE DOESN’T NECESSARILY LOOK GREAT IN
If she tries on one of her vacation outfits, and has some doubts about it, tell her there’s no need to fret. She looks great. Even if you see yourself why that outfit may not work, remember, she looks great in it. If she’s going with some really good friends, they will more than likely tell her the truth, but you don’t need to be this honest. It’s not your job to help her look good for other people.
STEAL A SWIMSUIT FROM HER SUITCASE
Just because I said you should praise whatever outfit choices she doesn’t look good in, doesn’t mean you should trash the great sartorial picks she has made. You don’t want her catching on to your plans, which means you have to be balanced in your approach. Chances are she will have some really incredible looking piece of swimwear. It’s so good even she can tell, and when she asks you what you think, she doesn’t ask IF you like it, she asks how MUCH you like it. Tell her something like it would look better on the floor, then make passionate love to her. On the day of her trip, while she’s in the bathroom getting ready to leave for the airport, sift through her suitcase, take out that swimsuit and hide it somewhere quickly. She won’t know until the destination that she “forgot” to pack it.
HERE’S A BETTER SWIMSUIT IDEA
If the above tip seems like it lacks integrity, then do something more creative. Go buy a swimsuit and silkscreen a picture of yourself on it, sort of like one of those RIP t-shirts. To ensure the guys who see her on vacation know that it isn’t an RIP swimsuit, make sure you also have the words “my boyfriend” written on there too, right underneath your that image of your smiling face.
TAKE A LOT OF NAKED SELFIES AND GYM PICS
People will tell you girls get nothing out of pictures of your junk, but that’s only if they’re not into you. If you’re in a relationship, she loves you naked and to see you naked, so inundate her phone with an album full of you in all your nude glory. Go one step further and change her wallpaper to a picture of you flexing. This way, when she’s tired of looking at all the skin at the resort where she’s staying, she can look at her phone to remind herself what she has waiting for her at home.