I mean, they couldn’t possibly expect me to have a definitive answer for all of their questions, because some of them don’t really have a definitive answer. For instance, this latest question I am about to share with everyone.

I share it not because I don’t have my own thoughts, but because I think it’s topical enough where everyone can chime in down in the c-section. So here’s the question, below is my answer, and then below that, in the comments, let the person who wrote the question and myself know what you think. Remember, there is no wrong answer to this question, but there could be a funny one and we’d love to hear it.

The question goes:

Is it bad manners to not say thank you after sex?

So the very first answer that popped into my head when I received this question was, “Well, technically yes.” I mean, if we look at sex as an act of kindness (and it most certainly is), then we should be thankful and thus express as much, right?

But when we look at the context of the act of kindness, maybe saying “thank you” is unnecessary and to a certain extent snarky? Like, if this is our significant other with whom we have sex three, four, or eight times a week, must we always say “Thank you” after the act. What is she thanking me for, a job well done? She didn’t think me the last time we did, is that to say I didn’t give a performance worth thanking?

Though even if we are in a relationship and one of us doesn’t feel like doing it — we have a headache or something — but we give it up anyway, should we not say thank you? And one should always say thank you if it’s someone we barely knew, right? I know I’ve said thank you to women who have chosen to come over to my place instead of me making a trek over to there’s. A euphemism for thank you I often apply is, “Appreciate that.”

This question brought to a mind a story about one of my childhood best friends. We were right at the height of our pubescent years and starting to round the bases on girls — second base, third base, HOME PLATE! You know that stage during your teenage years where every new sexual act with someone makes you feel like you reached the top of Mount Everest.

Well, one of my best friends got to what we considered third base at the time before any of us. He received from a girl fellatio and I’ll never forget the call he made to me right after he left her place. He sounded like he won the Lotto…twice. He broke down to me what happened, but after he was finished with his story, I had a very important question to ask, since I hadn’t experienced this myself, I needed to know what to do after just in case my number was to get called.

So I asked, “Hey, did you kiss her after? Like, when you left, what did you do?”

This question was important because the girl who he did this with wasn’t his girlfriend. At this point in our lives, the only girls we were doing anything with were girlfriends, so doing something as intimate as this with a girl who wasn’t our girlfriend was still a fairly new phenomenon.

He said, “Oh hell naw, I didn’t kiss her when I left,” he said, already sounding like a veteran of the game.

“Well then, what did you do?” I pressed.

“Honestly, dude, I didn’t know what to do,” he said. “So I just said ‘Thank you’, gave her a high-five, got on my bike, and broke out..”

See? Good manners, right?

So what is it folks, ‘Thank you’ after sex, do we say it, if so, under what circumstances? If not, when did we become so rude? Is it rude at all to not say it? I don’t know, tell me. Tell the person who asked the question. I can’t wait to read these answers.

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The Process: Quick, someone tell me how many minutes of jump rope is equivalent to one mile of running.

Poppin’ Questions Podcast: Episode 24 is up now (from there you can also see the new Until I Get Married Podomatic page). Episode 25 is now in the works, and will be up on Friday. Hit me on my Formspring or email me at feedback@untiligetmarried.com for a question to be considered. A

UNTIL I GET MARRIED CONVERSATION: Thank you to everyone who participated in the #UIGM discussion on Twitter last night. We had a fun half-hour talk online about Food and Sex, which turned into a conversation specifically about condiments in the bedroom. We’re going to be hosting another one next week, same day (Wed), same time (10 pm EST). To read the tweets from last night’s #UIGM discussion, click here. And feel free to hashtag #UIGM to chime in on the discussion during off days.

Considering at any given moment someone can hit me on my office phone, cell phone, BBM on my cell phone, Twitter, Facebook, Email, Google Talk, or AIM, I don’t  mind being asked for something other than my digits. At times, I may even prefer something like my email address over my phone number. Others disagree and long for the days when one’s math was all we needed.

What it all comes down to is circumstance. When and why should I ask for one form of contact information over another form? Well, let’s break it down, shall we?

PHONE NUMBER

I have been asking for phone numbers since the days of me trying to hook up with girls at the skating rink and getting dropped off at the movie theater by my parents. Quite simply, the phone number is sending a clear message that I have every intention of staying in touch with her whether it’s via text or by calling. Speaking of calling and talking on the phone, whatever happened to that part of the courtship? I might do a post just about caking on the phone. There should be at least an hour of that before I do other things like spend money on her.

TWITTER

Personally, I don’t mind being followed on Twitter by a new girl I meet if only because I believe it’s a tangible reflection of my personality and wit. And if she has a Twitter, it demonstrates a certain media savvy I can appreciate. But be forewarned, if you’re the type of woman who Retweets everything Diddy writes and fortune-cookie like life lessons every five minutes, I’m going to assume there’s not much going on in that head of yours and we probably wouldn’t get along in real life.

EMAIL

To me, this is the phone number of the new millennium. I’ve been preferring to stay in touch over email since 2004, when I got my first office job and I found myself in front of a desk and computer for the majority of a day. Then eventually my email became synced to my mobile device, so now it’s like having my phone number only less intrusive. I think the other reason I prefer email is because I know I can write. I certainly can talk too, so email wouldn’t be covering up any flaws in my game, it just enhances it. Besides, there’s also the great email address litmus test. If a woman still uses Yahoo for her email carrier, well, I’m just going to assume she also still forwards chain emails to ten of her friends just so she can be blessed for the next 6 years.

BBM

All you iPhone users move on. All my Blackberry follow me. BBM. Let’s talk about it. This sneaky little jerk of a communication method gets on my last nerve, and the women who ask me for my BBM before anything else are just as annoying, unless they’re fine. Then I don’t mind so much. The problem with BBM is it snitches on you. It tells you when something has been read or unread and because you can communicate in real time, anyone who is hitting you on BBM is expecting an immediate response. I personally prefer not to give out my BBM until sometime after I slept with a girlr which is not to say it always works out like that, but I mean, geez, what do I look like giving out my BBM all fast and stuff?

iCHAT/AIM or GChat

A close cousin of the email method, for me iChat or Gchat is great if only because, again, I spent large chunks of my day working in front of a computer. It also is one of the more flexible methods of communication. Unlike BBM which tells the sender when a message has been read or unread, computer chatting can be both instant and delayed. If we’re being hit up by someone we don’t like, we can just claim we weren’t in front of the computer. We can also hit someone up late at night if we just so happen to see them on. You know the classic opening line on Chat after 12:30 a.m. don’t you? It’s usually something like this: “Go to bed…” Once they respond back, you know something after dark is about to go down.

But I have a question, and this is something I posed to my Twitter followers the other day. If I do hit someone up on chat sometime after 12 a.m., during the booty call hours, is it the modern day equivalent of getting a booty call? I don’t want to hear any answers that depend on intention, I’m just wondering how is it perceived. Whether a guy was hitting you up for a mundane conversation or a freaky one, if it’s 12:30 a.m. and you get that message — “Go to bed” — what’s your first thought as the recipient?

FACEBOOK

A few months ago, I met this wonderful lady in the club and from the moment we introduced ourselves, we got along famously. The vibe was cool between us and there was definitely some attraction, but there was also a lot of drinking involved. At the end of the night, we exchanged phone numbers, and the next day we had a sober conversation. The two of us made plans to see each other shortly thereafter, but we still had one more thing to take care of before we felt completely comfortable with this arrangement. So we Friend Requested each other. Luckily, we were both pleased by each others profile, but it was good to know she understood to handle business before pleasure.

If I’m asking for your Facebook either within the first ten minutes of meeting you or within the first conversation we have after we have met it’s for one reason of three reasons: When we met, I was either tipsy, there was bad lighting where we met, or a combination of the two, and honestly, before we go any further, I need to know what you look like. You should care what I look like too.

ADDRESS

If this is what I’m asking for after meeting you for the first time, and this is what you’re giving me, well then, there really isn’t going to be any need for any of the other forms of contact information mentioned above, now is there?

We all have memories of Michael Jackson. I don’t know one person who doesn’t have something profound to say about the impact he made on popular music and popular culture. I don’t know one person who doesn’t remember where they were when they heard about Michael Jackson’s death. I don’t know one person who isn’t talking about either of those things today.

So considering everyone who is reading anything today will probably read one or two things about Michael Jackson, let me throw my hat in the ring.

Everyone has a favorite Michael Jackson hit. There’s “Thriller” of course. Then we have “Beat It”, “Billie Jean”, so on and so forth. To me, Michael Jackson’s hit records always sound like they were made to be as big as they were. While some songs we loved when they first came out, now in retrospect make us smack our foreheads and rhetorically ask, “Why did I like this song again?” Jackson’s number ones sound like they were destined to be on top of the charts, as though God required all of humanity to listen to those songs.

But in addition to our favorite hits, everyone has their favorite MJ songs other people don’t really talk about and they never get to hear on radio. This is especially true of the work MJ put out in his later years. I remember reading a lot of tributes to Michael Jackson, a lot of critical analysis of his discography and always being disappointed by the way writers glossed over Jackson’s Dangerous album and some of the songs on Invincible. Sure they were nothing compared to Off The Wall, Thriller, and even Bad but some songs on there were indeed bad and remain so to this day.

Two of my favorite underrated Michael Jackson songs are “Remember The Time” and “Heaven Can Wait”. Arguably the former isn’t underrated. Of all the work Michael Jackson did in the 90′s, “Remember The Time” is probably the song with the most staying power. To this day, when I’m at a party, I can tell a DJ knows what he’s doing if he puts on “Remember The Time”, arguably his most underrated cut for the dance floor and definitely one of the few good things to come out of the New Jack Swing Era.

Then there’s “Heaven Can Wait” from the Invicible album, which as an entire album sucked, but that one song still gets burn on my iPod. Shall the day ever come when I get married; we’re slow dancing to this. Hear that future-wife-who-I-don’t-know?

What’s so cool about the record is how modern it sounds. This was Michael Jackson’s ode to Quiet Storm radio and one of the clearest signs he was listening to people like R. Kelly at the time he was making Invincible. Like most of the good modern day R&B records, “Heaven Can Wait” has that double time back beat, allowing two people slow dancing with one another to slow grind like no one is watching, but it’s true beauty comes into the lyrics.

Am I the only one who has a hard time understanding what the hell Michael Jackson says in like half of his songs? I always felt MJ enunciated his lyrics not to be understood, but to blend with the beat of the track, like an extension of the rest of the track’s percussion. But “Heaven Can Wait” is something different, one of those songs where every word is clear and more importantly, heartfelt.

Tell the angels no, I don’t wanna leave my baby alone. I don’t want nobody else to hold you. That’s the chance I’ll take, maybe I’ll stay, heaven can wait.

No, if the angels took me from this earth, I would tell them bring me back to her. It’s a chance I’ll take, maybe I’ll stay, heaven can wait.

I mean, come on, who tells the angels no and for heaven to wait? Words like that let me know when it comes to love, a lot of us ain’t felt nothing yet.

Click here to hear “Heaven Can Wait” and then share your favorite underrated Michael Jackson song in the c-section.

I realize my hypothesis above is a bit of a stretch. Sometimes sex isn’t a compliment at all, but maybe an act of obligation or even an act of redemption. Each encounter must be evaluated (if we want to  bother with such things) in context because sex is a lot of things. But I know what it isn’t. Sex, as far as I’m concerned, is never disrespectful. Nor is my desire to want to have sex with a woman disrespectful.

For longtime readers, bare with me if you feel like I’m repeating myself. I probably am, but I’m sorry, some women still seem to think just because all I want to do is have sex with them, it means I don’t respect all the other great things they offer. And frankly, that’s not even remotely the case.. I just don’t care about what else they have to offer at the time I want to have sex with them.

If there’s one thing I hate is when a woman with whom I express a desire to have sex paints me as someone who doesn’t respect her in full or looks at me as being not being respectful of a friendship. To me, this is not only one of the most off-base things a woman can think, it’s a perfect example of how some (please notice I said some) women have a tendency to misinterpret the actions of men.

There are three type of women I know. There are the women I have slept with and will more than likely sleep with again or probably already have. There are the women I haven’t slept with yet, but given the right opportunity I most definitely would. And there are the women who I have never thought about sleeping with at all and would twist my nose up at the mere thought of such a thing, let alone even try.

Now that we have that out of the way, let me tell all you women out there which group you don’t want to be in. I’ll let you guess no I won’t, THE LAST ONE.

I mean, come on. Even if the woman has no desire to sleep with me at all, why would she want me to put her in the same category I put family in, especially when she isn’t family? As I have said before, just because a man can have a hour long conversation with a woman about non-sexual things doesn’t mean he respects her mind anymore than the man who makes his sexual desires clear from the beginning. Trust me, I adore a woman who graduated from college magma cum laude, but I also want to take those ropes they give out to all magma cum laude members and tie her up in them. How is any of that disrespectful? Maybe if I start telling women they can replace their lingerie with a whole bunch of paraphernalia they bought from their college bookstore, they would understand I like their mind, but right now “mind” isn’t on my menu and if it is, take it off! Tonight, I want the body for the entree and if there is room afterward, the “mind” for dessert (excuse the food analogy, I’m writing hungry.)

The only thing the man who doesn’t want to sleep with a woman and never expresses a desire to is respecting is the woman’s feelings because he’s holding back the real reason he isn’t making a move, which is this: He doesn’t find her attractive. And if that is disrespectful, I apologize, but someone had to say it.

Some (again, please notice I said some, not all) women don’t have a convoluted sense of self so much as they have a convoluted sense of men. If the cute, sexy friend she has isn’t taking advantage of their friendship by making a move, she thinks something is wrong with him, like, you know, he’s gay. If the okay looking, but very smart and funny friend does take advantage of their friendship by making a pass or two at her, there’s something wrong with him too, like, you know, he’s disrespectful just like all those other guys. And she can’t believe he would do such a thing.

Well, she needs to start believing such things and stop believing a guy is just like all the other guys just because he wants to stretch the definition of friendship.

He’s not like all the other guys out there because not all the other guys out there want her, case in point: Her cute, sexy friend who probably needs a platonic female friend with whom he can talk about other females he does want to get with. Both men — the man who won’t make a move and the man who will — have the same level of respect for a woman, it’s just one wants to do a little bit more than the otherl, and if I were her, I’d give that friend way more credit. After all, he means no disrespect.

We then talked for an hour about everything that had to do with my new life and your new life. You even playfully suggested I was going to write about the phone call on this blog, but I didn’t. And now, while the details of our conversation still aren’t for public consumption, I will say this: Thank you for that phone call back in May.

If it wasn’t for your foresight to share the news you were expecting, who knows what would’ve happened when I saw you on Saturday?

You came out of nowhere, on 7th Ave, walking in all black everything and your hair worn up like a crown. Your friend was there too, and I think had it not been for her, the chance encounter might have been more emotional, but feelings were kept in check.

For so long I wondered what the moment would feel like. What would I do? What would I say? How would I say it? Then you called me in May, told me you were pregnant, and all those questions about how running into you would play out were replaced by one question: Would I be able to handle the sight of seeing you pregnant?

Well, the question was answered and I think I handled it quite well. Awkward for only a moment, then normal for the rest. It was nothing like I expected it to be. I mean, you really are pregnant. You’re showing, and you carry small (just like you told me over the phone), but man, you’re pregnant with another man’s child and not mine, which is weird when you think about how we used to have conversations about what we were going to name our child.

But those are conversations everyone has with someone they swear they’re going to be with for the rest of their life. So I wasn’t looking at you on Saturday, thinking of our past, and crying foul. There is no harm, so now there is no foul. What exists is the reality things have forever and permanently changed between us, and had it not been for your call to tell me you changed in this huge dramatic life altering way, my knees might have buckled at the sight of you.

Instead, they kept moving forward.

Moving on is always easier said than done. People always told me I still wasn’t over you and I thought they had it twisted, but I didnt know if I was right when I told them they were wrong.

How did I really feel about you? How did you really feel about me? Did you miss me? How much did I miss you? My feelings toward you were a mess of things punctuated by a question mark. And it was the damn question mark driving me crazy. It was the damn question mark that had me convinced I had to see you one more time to figure out the answer to all these questions. Sure I missed you but how much and how bad?

Well, I saw you. You looked good; as beautiful pregnant as I always, always imagined you would. And I felt nothing but good standing there in the hot sun talking to you for a few minutes, but I felt even better as I walked away.

When our lives change forever, we so rarely get to identify the specific moment it happened. Most of the time, such moments pass by without our knowing, and we just wake up one day to see everything around us is different than it used to be. But I am fortunate enough to move on fully aware of the exact moment everything changed. It was this past Saturday.

Before we parted ways, I asked where you were headed, and you said it was to this park in Brooklyn,  coincidentally the same park I was headed to. We both laughed then jokingly said, “Oh no.” Was I really going to run into you twice in one day after not seeing you one time within the last year? Well, it turns out we didn’t, which is fine because as Saturday proved, we’re ready to run into each other for the rest of our lives. There’s no question about it.

My sister’s in great shape post-delivery, the father has stayed at the hospital with her every night, and our family couldn’t be happier. I know I couldn’t be happier. With Armoni in my family, my whole life has now changed for the better and now it’s time for Uncle Jozen to do everything he can for his only niece, but just as important, for his only sister too.

I was never an over-protective big brother, and to my sister, I don’t think I was ever the kind of brother she wanted to be like as she got older. If anything, my sister, much like me, wanted to prove there wasn’t only one definition of success, there were many, and she was about to define it on her own terms. My sister didn’t graduate from college like me, she didn’t play in a jazz band like me, she didn’t leave Seaside like me.

But in every way my sister’s life is different than mine, it is every reason I am proud of her. I don’t think she will ever realize how much I learn from her from afar. While I was always about my career first, my sister has always been about family, and though I love this big city life I live, my sister’s small city life looks just as good.

While I moved across the United States to go to college just so I could say I made it out of my hometown. The furthest she moved from home was  two hours north to Hayward, California to go to college just so she could be closer to our favorite uncle, Uncle Jeff. I have had more girlfriends than I can count. My sister has had like three boyfriends, and the one she’s with now, she’s been with for something like three or four years. I have close to 2,000 friends on Facebook. My sister has like 12.

The simplicity of my sister’s life is just as rich as the very complicated one I have created for myself, and every now and then, when things get hectic over here on my side of the map, I think about her and wonder why I can’t do what she has done.

My sister may be three year’s my junior, but when it comes to wisdom, she’s definitely my senior. She is more ready to be a mother than any person I know, and now, after all these years of me helping her grow up, my sister will teach me how to grow up. She is going to show me, through her own methodology, just how to be a person who puts family first, even if I’m thousands of miles away from them. For once, I’m ready to follow her lead instead of telling her to follow mine.

When I talked to my sister after she delivered the baby, I told her all I wanted to do was be a great uncle the way our uncles have been great to us and, because she was groggy and tired (I called her at 7 a.m. her time), she only said, “You will.” And like others told me when I wrote my post on Unclehood after I first found out my sister was pregnant, being a great uncle is something we grow into. But in order to grow into my role, I have to grow up a little, and though I have no idea what that means and how that will play out, I know what I want to do.

I know I want to be a man my family is proud of not because of what I accomplish outside of it, but what I do inside of it as well. I want to be a great uncle, and a better older brother. And if I don’t accomplish anything else in life, so be it, just let me accomplish those things, is the prayer I have been saying as of late.

This is me, honestly, rambling, and not having a clue as to what to do first. So I’ll end here, and go back to tossing around in my head what it means to be a great uncle. In the meantime, I know I have asked a lot of you all to do this before, but let me ask again: Share your best uncle stories in the comments for me please. The last time I made this request (here’s the link again, in case you missed it up top: “Unclehood“) , a lot of you did such a beautiful job I still go back and read them to this day, but I want to hear more, because I have no idea what I’m doing and I could use the guidance.

Thanks in advance,

Uncle Jozen.

In it’s place, I would like to continue my ongoing, sporadic series called “Stupid Arguments.” These posts are centered around exactly what the title suggests, the stupid arguments I’ve had in relationships and how they have spun out of control.

To be clear, I really do believe every argument is valid because even  when they seem so trivial, they probably have some deep seeded issue tied to them. But still, how we get to the real issues is often times the long way there, and usually comes from a place so silly and trivial, we almost can’t believe how it started. Here are two examples, courtesy of Lord of The Rings.

It should be said up front, I don’t really do fantasy when it comes to television, films, books, or even video games. I’m not a Star Trek fan, a Star Wars fan, or really anything with the word “stars” in the title. I also don’t do Willow, Harry Potter, or the Twighlight series, and any girl I date should know this up front.

(Although, full disclosure: I did see the last Twilight movie with a girl I was dating at the time. Not bad, but not being seen ever again either.)

For the most part, girls I have dated respect my tastes, not really pushing what they enjoy on me to enjoy too. But for some reason, there have been two girls I dated who insisted, and practically prison-raped Lord of The Rings onto my eyes. Both times I told them I wasn’t into it. I know I wouldn’t be into it. They insisted I would be, to just watch it with them and watch, my mind would soon change.

So fine, the first time I gave it a shot was with my girlfriend in college. She, of course, already saw all three of the Lord of The Rings, so we had to start from the beginning. She pops in the first one, I position myself on her living room floor, and before she comes back with the popcorn, before the opening credits even end, I’m asleep.

My college ex kicks me gently in my side. “Wake up,” she said. “I’m up,” I said. Then I sat myself up, so I could get through the remaining 2 hours and 54 minutes of the film. Not even two minutes later, I doze off again. And this time, my ex gives me a love tap on the back of my head.

“You know, if you’re going to go to sleep just go in the bedroom,” she said.

“Fine,” I replied. “I’ll just watch this in the morning.” Then, I got up, went to her bedroom, and fell asleep.

I couldn’t have been asleep for five minutes before my college ex comes into the bedroom, turns the light on and says, “If you’re going to go to sleep, go home.” At the time, I believe my car was in the shop, so she had to take me home. I didn’t want to argue so I said, “Look, I’ll watch it in the morning. Just let me sleep.”

“No,” she said. “Get out.”

Still not arguing.

“Fine, cool. Take me home then.”

She crossed her arms and just looked at me.

“You’re not taking me home?” I asked.

Still looking at me.

“Okay, fine, I see how it is.” So I got my keys, called my boy and asked him to pick me up as I walked outside into what was at least a Category 3 storm. As I’m waiting for my boy to come and pick me up in the pouring rain. My college ex comes outside and from her porch, throws a garbage bag of my stuff onto the sidewalk, where it lands at my feet.

“And don’t bother coming back either, you inconsiderate motherf*cker!” she yells.

All this, I thought, over Lord of the Rings.

We would later get back together and break up for good over entirely different reasons, but to this day, we laugh about this.

Four years later, Lord of The Rings would end for me the same way. This time, it was the ex from my last relationship. I already told her about my ex in college and what happened. Still, she insisted it would be different, and I foolishly thought the same. So I gave it a shot, and within the first 15 minutes, I was fast asleep. This, of course, upset my ex-girlfriend, upset her to the point, where I think she actually let me stay asleep, went to the gym in a huff, and took my phone, only to throw it in a trash bin on the corner of the street.

Of course, I know neither of these blow-ups at me had to do with Lord of The Rings specifically. Lord of The Rings was just an impetus to blow up at me over some serious issues, but right now, those issues aren’t important. I’m just saying, I still have yet to watch Lord of The Rings, and after two failed attempts, I will never try again. I already know how that movie ends.

Now it’s your turn. Share your own stupid arguments in the c-section.

REMINDER: Don’t forget to check me out on June 3 at the Modern Day Matchmaker Live in NYC Event. This is going to be one of the hottest tickets in town. You get a  live show, concert, and after party for only $20 if you use my discount code “BACHELOR”. Most importantly, you get to see me do the thing I do on here, in person. Click here to purchase tickets Modern Day Matchmaker Live in NYC Event

Do the comments ever hurt your feelings?

There’s not one particular type of comment that has that kind of effect on me, but when people think they know me through one post or the other, or even reading all of these posts, it does get under my skin to an extent. A good example of this is a post I wrote a couple of months ago entitled, “On Laughing”. If you look through the comments, there is one comment a person left that said “You still live @ home.” That got under my skin, and as badly as I wanted to say something, I held true to my rule and let it slide, knowing that if they keep up with the blog, eventually they will see I don’t live at home. But yeah, times like that, I definitely have to exercise some restraint, and maybe do a push-up or two to get out my frustration.

Favorite hairstyle on a woman?

My friends would say I love women who wear their hair natural, I would say it’s just a coincidence I dated a lot of women who wear their hair natural. My personal favorite hairstyle on a woman is anything above the shoulders. Even if I date a woman with long dreads, I love when they put their hair up. I’m into short hair on women.

What’s the best way to deal with a break up if you didn’t really break up on bad terms but because it simply wasn’t working out? On top of that, you work together?

Remember why you two broke up, and find a new job would be my advice. It’s all about agreements. You don’t have to break up because you disagree with each other. You just have to break up if you agree it’s best not to be together. So long as you two are comfortable with that, it shouldn’t be a problem. Don’t confuse an ability to get along with an ability to be together. The two aren’t the same.

What are your thoughts on weaves?

Honestly, I’m tolerant. I’ve never dated a woman and thought she needed a weave or she needed to take one out. If that’s what she likes, then I don’t say anything. Plus, it’s not about whether or not she wears weaves, it’s whether or not the weave looks good on her.

Have you ever been truly intimated by a woman to the point where you felt too inadequate to date her?

Nope. I actually follow the advice of a friend of mine, which is as follows: “Holler at women you have no business hollering at.” I do that all the time. For instance, I love tall girls. If they’re 5’9 and up, I’m in there. I’m only 6’0, so I probably have no business talking to a woman who can be slightly taller than me if she wears heels, but still, it’s what I go for. I’m never intimidated.

What do you think of Drake’s “Find Your Love” video?

Drake’s video is dope, I don’t see what the controversy is, but then again, I’ve never even set foot in Jamaica, so what do I know?

As a mixed individual, how do you feel about dating mixed females because I know you said you love your black women.

This is a weird question. Because I’m mixed I should be into other mixed women or I should be more tolerant of dating them? Like I said before, my dating black women isn’t a part of some race-based agenda I’m trying to put forth. I like to date beautiful women. If they’re mixed with a little something, it’s all good.

Who do you think will win the NBA finals?

Celtics in 7.

Do you have a hidden talent?

At this point in my life, I would say my ability to play trombone is a hidden talent. Before I decided to go to Howard, I was heavily considering Berklee College of Music in Boston to study Jazz. I wasn’t phenomenal, but I was decent enough to play in an honor jazz band that toured Europe.

If a movie was made about your life, which actor would you want to play you?

I have no idea. But I would love to hear some suggestions in the comments, and if one person says Drake, I’m erasing their comment. (Kidding)

Who’s your favorite writer?

There’s a few of them and I don’t really have a set criteria, but I will say the following authors: Junot Diaz, Malcolm Gladwell, Ta-Nehisi Coates, Kelefah Saneh, Danyel Smith, Jon Caramanica, Benjamin Meadows-Ingram. And yes, some of these folks are people I’m privileged to know beyond the page. But the list is really endless.

If money was no object, where else in New York would you live other than Harlem?

I’m sorry to disappoint, but honestly, there’s no where else I would want to live in NYC other than Harlem. I just love it too much and it’s where I will remain until the day I leave. Even if I won the Lotto, I’d just buy a whole building somewhere in the 130′s and live there.

During sex, have you ever thought, “Wow, I can’t believe I’m having sex with a body like this!” Do you think thoughts like this run through a guy’s mind often?

I know they run through mine. There have definitely been women I’ve been with whose bodies are just incredible, and a part of me always goes back to that guy who could only dream about being close to such bodies. It’s a surreal kind of experience sometimes. And then, we actually do it, and they’re wack, and yeah, it just gets you down.

Someone has asked you about having a editor and I think you need to get on that. One thing you always do that drives me crazy: you say “might of” or should of” instead of “might have” or “should have” I love your blog and would help you edit for free.

Look, my writing isn’t perfect nor do I claim it to be, but I would honestly say 90 percent of any post is punctually correct and spelled correctly. I don’t think I’m doing that bad of a job and I pride myself in fixing my own mistakes. I have said it before and I’ll say it again, if something in a post is wrong, if I’m missing a word, or I used a word wrong, or I misspelled something, anyone can just email me and I’ll gladly fix it. But hiring an editor to do what I already know how to do and only miss on occasion is not only ridiculous, it’s a waste of time for everyone involved. I appreciate people being so passionate about my work they want to help out, but I’m not hiring an editor for anything UIGM related, until I get a publishing deal. Just emailing me with something that’s wrong is all the editing and help I need and I would encourage everyone to do it.

What’s your favorite cuisine? meal?

It’s weird. My favorite cuisine is seafood. My favorite meal is tacos. I don’t like fish tacos. Like I said, weird.

I’m wrapping it up here, folks. But leave comments on some of these questions, especially the one about who should play me in a movie about my life. I’m curious to see those answers. I kind of rushed this today though, so I might add more questions later. Keep ‘em coming. Oh and one more thing…

REMINDER: Don’t forget to check me out on June 3rd at the Modern Day Matchmaker Live in NYC Event. This is going to be one of the hottest tickets in town you get a  live show, concert, and after party for only $20 if you use my discount code “BACHELOR”. Click here to purchase tickets Modern Day Matchmaker Live in NYC Event

Remember what this is about. Just giving you all a better idea of who I am, prompted by your questions. I appreciate all of you supporting me in the comments with last week’s installment. I’ll continue to do this twice a week, then once the event is done, probably go to once a week, every Friday. Tomorrow, I’ll give you all the regular posts for those who still aren’t feeling the “Questions” installments. Now, here we go, Poppin’ The Questions 3.

Favorite Disney character and why?

The Beast from Beauty and The Beast. I appreciated the way he checked Belle when she went to the side of the castle she was given instructions not to visit, but turned around and refurbished that library for her.

What happened with you and the social worker?

I’ve dated and mentioned more than one social worker, so you have to be more specific to get a more specific answer. But I do know one thing, seeing as I’m single right now, whatever happened to me and whatever social worker you’re referring to, I can safely say we’re no longer together.

Ever thought about getting a dog?

Yes, I actually want a dog pretty badly, but in New York, they’re a lot more work than they are in other places. But when I do get a dog, I already know its name: Mike Vick. Think I’m playing? Watch.

Thoughts on Obama now that the dust has settled and we got him in?

I’m really just happy he’s remained cool in the face of any and all adversity, I think years from now we’ll appreciate that about him. He’s not cool because he’s black, he’s cool because his demeanor is such.

Living in new york and all I was wondering…do you have a car or do you subway everything?

I’m the proud owner of a BMW, which is shorthand for Bus, Metro, Walk. I basically subway it everywhere, and cab it anywhere else. As much as I love driving and I do miss it from time to time, I’m a kid who grew up with dreams of living in New York and taking the subway everywhere, for me, was always a part of that dream.

Mountains or beach?

I like the beach because I grew up near them, but I’ll be honest, the ocean puts the fear of God in me. Where I grew up, we always heard of people drowning and getting caught in undertows, for those who have never been to a beach and seen the ocean themselves, take it in. When you think about it, it’s an unforgiving monster.

Name the last book you read.

I finished reading a few. Love Is A Mixtape by Rob Sheffielf; Cad by Rick Marin; No Belongs Here More Than You by Miranda July. Right now, I’m working on Manhood for Amateurs by Michael Chabon and Racing While Black Leonard T. Mill with Andrew Simon. Andrew was the guy who hired me for my internship at VIBE back in 2003.

I know you try to avoid drinking but when you do, what’s your drink of choice?

Stoli vodka martini with three olives or anything with vodka in it pretty much. I’ll also do Jack and Cokes. Beer is cool for me too. Oh, and shots of Patron are also welcome because I always know what kind of night those imply.

Describe your typical weekend.

If I’m doing it right, my typical weekend will include a good party, brunch, the Sunday New York Times, and of course, church.

What DID happen that led to the end of your last relationship? Curious to know what led to the conception of UIGM.

My breakup with my ex was a full year before UIGM was even started. I never even thought of starting a blog after we broke up. UIGM really started because I wanted to do a relationship blog with my own personal twist, and if there was one event in my life that led to its beginning, it would have to be me losing my job when VIBE shut down in June 2009. As to what led to the end of my last relationship, there are a variety of reasons it ended, and one reason it ended on the day it did. But all that will be revealed at a later point in time.

I’m 21, a virgin, and tired of being one. I want to lose it soon to a guy that I’m not serious with so that I can enjoy sex more intimately later with a guy that I love. Does this seem rational to you?

Yeah, but rational is relative, and in this case, if you’re talking about sex to a guy, most guys are going to find your reasoning rationale. I also want to say,being a virgin is a lot like being sexually active: If you’re going to do it, you better be comfortable with it. When you’re not comfortable with it, then stop living that way. I have no problem with virgins who are completely comfortable with it, but the ones who are not get on my nerves.

I know the whole thing is “until i get married” but are you really LOOKING for her? It’s hard to tell through your posts if you’re on a mission or just having fun or are you doing a combination of both?

I’m never looking for her because I honestly wouldn’t need to look that hard. There are plenty of women worth marrying walking around out here, I run into them everyday, but they’re not the women for me. I’m more like open to her. I’m right here. She can come whenever she’s ready, door’s unlocked, she just has to remember, I have to like her as much as she likes me. Until then, I’m having a good time and enjoying my life. This idea that I have to settle down before I settle down has never quite made sense to me.

Where are your favorite places to shop?

Anywhere there is a sale, but I do enjoy The GAP, Zara, H&M, and Uniqulo.

Are you trying to write for other magazines because every time, for example, I read Men’s Health, I’m like Jozen should be writing for them.

Thank you, I’ve always enjoyed Men’s Health though I’m not a loyal reader. But yes, right now, there are a couple of other magazines I’m trying to break into. If and when I do, I’m sure everyone will hear about it via this website.

When was the last time you cooked for a woman?

Within the last couple of weeks, but I’m not sure of the exact date.

What is your opinion on men who leave women because their “friends” were in their ear about breaking up with a girlfriend?

I understand them. In those situations, I always look at the women before I even speak on the man because I think most men don’t generally have opinions on the girls their friends date. They’re like, “Yeah, whatever dude. Enjoy that.” But if they start speaking out against her, and say they don’t like her, they probably have a good reason because if they didn’t, they’d just shrug shoulders.

What are your opinions on casual sex?

More women need to be down for it. That’s what I think.

Before we get into the latest installment, a quick reminder:

For all those in New York City on June 3rd, come check me out along with other esteemed relationship writers as we discuss matters of the heart at The Modern Day Matchmaker event. Look to the right of this post, tickets are $20 if you buy them through this site.

Now, time for the questions.

How do you feel about ‘open relationships’?

The same way I feel about skydiving. It looks fun and absolutely amazing, but the chances are, I’d probably never do it.

I think grieving as a single is different than grieving with a significant other. How did you work through grief as a single person?

When I’ve grieved, I’ve usually concentrated on the people who were there for me, rather than the people who were not. But I will say, when the smoke clears, and things get back to normal, and it’s just you standing there, the feeling is a little jarring, but that’s when I look within and talk with God. I know some people will say I should be doing that all the time, but I do, it’s just a different conversation we’re having.

Do you believe in setting timetables for your life? Like, “In 5 yrs, 10 yrs I want to be doing XYZ?”

No. I’m goal oriented, but not deadline oriented. I believe things will happen exactly when they should and not a moment before.

A friend was telling me that a guy just knows when the woman he’s with is the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with; as in, it’s a simple yes or no answer. Do you agree?

Yeah, that’s how it worked for me, but what your friend didn’t tell you is he’s running into a lot of other girls he wants to spend one night with. So there’s the dilemma. He may see the girl he wants to spend the rest of his life, but he doesn’t know how to commit just that.

What’s the difference between dating “exclusively” and being a boyfriend/girlfriend?

This is easy. Dating “exclusively” is  just a fancy way of saying we don’t really have time to date anyone else or no on really wants to date us, so we just date the one person we’re dating out of sheer circumstances beyond our control. Boyfriend/girlfriend situations are willing commitments.

I notice you like to list things in fives. Can you give your top 5 list of how you know you’re over someone?

I’ll get into this in a more extensive post sometime in the near future but here’s an abbreviated list.

1. They call while you’re in the middle of something and instead of trying to pick it up, you just let it go to voicemail.
2. You start thinking of the good memories more than the bad ones.
3. You change one thing about your look they used to love. For example: My ex liked my hair grown out, I kept it that way for a while after we broke up. When I was ready to move on, I cut it.
4. You can give your ex some sound relationship advice without hating.
5. You’re more concerned with how they’re doing than what they’re doing or who they’re doing.

Please, act as if you’re a “career coach.” How do I know what I’m destined to do or what career to pursue?

Just do whatever you’re best at, trust me. If you’re doing something you’re not too good at, you’re going to make less or advanced at a much slower rate than those who you’re working alongside, the people who were destined to do your job. What gets you the most compliments after you’re done doing it is always a good indicator of this. If no one is complimenting you on your cooking skills, might not want to be a chef.

Female junior in college, dating older man; he has kids, I have deadlines to attend to. We’ve been dating, no title, but what seems as official as possible; is it safe to say if he was going to make things ‘legit’, he woulda done so by now?

I don’t see what the first part of your question had to do with the second part, but let me see what I can do. If you have deadlines to attend to, then do it and don’t let anyone stop you. He clearly has a different deadline, and that more than anything is probably why he hasn’t made things “legit”. He’s working on his own schedule, so if that doesn’t coincide with yours, you know what you have to do.

What is it about black women that makes you exclusive to them or why do you care for black women so much?

I get this question a lot. A whole lot. And I’m beginning to think it’s because I’m mixed and therefore, it’s puzzling to some why I’m not into Japanese women or Puerto Rican women, because I’m of those groups of people too. Now I can get into a lengthy diatribe about this, but I’ll save that for another time. My short answer is this: Everyone has a type and my type is black women. It’s no different than the guy whose type is white girls. It’s not a race thing. It’s a type thing.

Would you date a virgin?

Absolutely! I just wouldn’t sleep with her, so I don’t know how long we’d be dating.

Who was the last girl you met that you liked/in to?

She knows exactly who she is because she’s smiling now that she’s reading it.

Why do men enjoy the thrill of the chase so much?

Because it feels so good when we catch whatever it is we’re chasing. But I would go so far as to say, chasing can be overrated or abused, so if you like a guy don’t keep him chasing because you think you’re going to keep him. You’re not.

What’s your favorite candy?

Sour anything, Payday’s, peanut M&M’s, and Skor.

As I read your post and blogs, I wonder if you would be a good date and great mate, do you think you are there yet?

I’m going to be there in 20 minutes. Wait up.

Oh, before I sign off a quick request to my commenters:

Comments for these posts are encouraged Many of my readers tell me my comment section is just as entertaining as my post, so please know not only are the people who asked me a question reading my answers, they’d probably love to read yours as well.