The other day, I heard a story about a woman who cheated on her boyfriend. It was so sad, the story, not because of her act of infidelity. I know all too well women are just as capable of being unfaithful as men are, so anytime I hear about a woman stepping out on her boyfriend or husband or fiancé, I don’t really flinch.
What makes me wince, and what made this story so particularly disturbing was the act itself was something she would have never done with her boyfriend.
Read more…
The easy answer to the question I pose in the title of today’s post is we just break up with that person. Right? Why waste our time and energy being devoted to someone we don’t love?
But I think if it was an easy question to answer, I wouldn’t be asking. Also, I only ask because I have answer of my own to the question, and I want to write it out here to bounce it off my readers. But first, an explanation as to why I believe the obvious answer isn’t necessarily the easiest one.
Read more…
Today’s post is for a close friend of mine, a girl who is like a sister to me. We don’t keep in touch as often as we should, which is probably why when she reached out to me about some drama going on in her life and asked me if I could weigh in on it on this blog, I didn’t hesitate to say yes.
Of course, people who have read my blog know I never really take requests. I’m also pretty sure anything I write on this blog could have been kept between herself and I via email.
But she’s going through some trust issues, all of which stem from her boyfriend cheating and lying. Details do not need to be divulged for people to understand what she’s going through. If you’ve been cheated on or if you’ve ever admitted to cheating, you know what this is, and you know it’s not easy.
When she explained her situation to me, she laid out everything as though I was her boyfriend. Ironically, even before she went into specifics, I knew what her boyfriend was going through, because I too, have cheated, I too have lied, and I too know what it’s like to stay with a woman once those two things have been revealed.
Read more…
We’re talking about cheating, aren’t we? We’re talking about being with someone we shouldn’t be with because we’re already with someone else. We agree this is wrong, that if we were to partake in something on the side, trust is gone, and so is the relationship.
Understood.
It’s a guilty indulgence, a selfish act. Cheating, whether it’s emotional or physical is wrong on any level.
But have we ever thought that maybe, possibly, this person we began seeing while we were seeing someone else was the person with whom we were actually in love? And if that is the case, have we done something wrong if we eventually make the decision to break off things with the one we’re with to be with the one we want?
Read more…
EDITOR’S NOTE: Disqus Comments system seems to be going through some technical difficulties right now. We are in the midst of working on it. Hang tight and thanks for reading!
I’m different than most guys.
I have this whole blog where I confess to a lot of my mistakes I made in the past. As a matter of fact, I think I write more about how bad of a boyfriend I was more than I write about how good of a boyfriend I was, even though all of my exes would probably say I’m not as bad as I make myself out to be. Call it accountability, call it humility, or call it something else, but I’m more than aware of the fact that the reason my blog stands out is because not too many men are going to say they have done things I have done.
The reason why? Some men would much rather learn the lessons of their past ways on their own than deal with a woman in the present who discredits him for what he did to someone else. We made a mistake and the last thing we want a woman to tell us is if we made it once, we’re bound to make it again.
Read more…
What should he do with a past unfamiliar? Maybe let it go; let it be forgotten. Don’t go searching for it. But sometimes, he can’t help but wonder if it’s ever happened to him and if it has, who did it.
How naive would he be to believe no woman has ever cheated on him? He has not seen any evidence to the contrary, he knows of no time when it actually happened, save for that one night he wrote about a while back. But still, that was a flirtation with the idea at best, not the actual act. So it still has yet to hit him, the discovery of a physical act having taken place, but then again, maybe he should have been looking for another type of cheating.
Read more…
People always ask me why I haven’t been in a relationship, and I say, “Because I have yet to meet a girl I wouldn’t cheat on.”
I say it as a joke, sort of. The truth is, I know when it comes to cheating, it’s a personal choice. No one ever put a gun to my head and told me to cheat anytime I did in the past. But I also think it’s my choice to find a woman who makes it the easiest choice in the world not to cheat.
Read more…
September 23rd, 2010
Jozen
I don’t think all men cheat. I used to, as recently as a couple of months ago as a matter of fact, but then I woke up and realized all that was a belief. I had no actual proof all men cheated. Why would I believe such a thing? I could easily believe something different. So I did.
These days, I don’t put the act of cheating beyond any man, but I don’t automatically think a man will cheat. I do think men have it in them to do so. And if they ever do, I know exactly the type of woman with whom he’ll do it. Now before I reveal her, understand, this is a theory I have. Just a theory. I don’t know if this is true or not, but I do know a thing or two about cheating, seeing as I’ve done it once or twice in my life. I say that with no pride in my heart, just stating the facts.
But who knows? I could still have no idea whether or not any of this is true. Like I said, it’s just a theory, but I’ll give it a shot anyway.
Read more…
September 15th, 2010
Jozen
In the years since I graduated from Howard University, I have only missed homecoming once. That was in 2007. Anytime I bring this up, a person (always a woman) ask me why, and I tell them I was in a relationship. They ask me why I let that stop me, I say, “Well, I wasn’t going to bring her and I for damn sure wasn’t going to go by myself because that would be trouble.” They ask me why would it be trouble.
Months prior to homecoming, that same year, one of my best friends was living in London and insisted all of us, my whole crew, come out to visit. I was, of course, in a relationship with my ex at the time and I told her about the invite but I told her I wasn’t going. She asked me why. I said it wouldn’t be good for me to go. She asked me why again. I said I have a thing for black women with English accents. She asked what’s that have to do with anything. I said well if I meet a black girl with an English accent, I’m going to get in trouble. She asked me why I would get in trouble.
Read more…
Okay folks, I know I’m a little behind today, and I’m sorry for the delay, but I’m a busy man over here. I have ESSENCE FESTIVAL coming up in three days, so office time is limited and therefore, extremely important.
Still, I have a lunch break today, so let me go in on this particular thing I’m starting to see people do on Facebook that is getting on my last nerve. It’s not so much the people who are doing it so much as it is the reaction to the people who are doing it. So yeah, those people, whoever you are, pay attention. I have something to tell you.
Read more…
What The People Are Saying