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Dear Future Girlfriend, RE: Gifts You Should Never Get Me

February 10th, 2011 22 comments

Dear Future Girlfriend Whose Name I Don’t Know Yet,

RE: Gifts You Should Never Get Me

So look here babe, before I get into this one particular thing you should never ever buy me, a quick preface.

Your clothes.

I can never ever wear one thing you own, even if it’s in a man’s version. I won’t be wearing your scrubs (if you’re a doctor), I won’t be wearing some athletic t-shirt you own. Not even if the Pittsburgh Steelers logo is emblazoned on the front and it used to belong to your brother and he’s the same size shirt as me. Perhaps the only thing of yours I will allow myself to put on is a pair of your slippers and that’s only if I have to make a quick run to the garbage chute. Even then, I’d much prefer to put on my shoes, but chances are if I’m squeezing my feet in your slippers for a 10-second jog, it’s only because I’m lazy.

I want you to remember this on Valentine’s Day. I say Valentine’s Day because it’s around the corner, but really this is for any day in which you are required to buy me a gift. Babe, the picture below is a picture of a gift I never ever want you to give me. Not ever. Understand? Good.

Your Man,

Jozen

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Dear Future Girlfriend, RE: Team Jerseys

December 8th, 2010 21 comments

I’m swamped at the gig today, so I don’t have much time to write an in depth post. Unfortunately, I also wasn’t able to record the Sixteenth Edition of the Poppin’ Questions Podcast. But you all can still listen to the Fifteenth Edition at the bottom of the post, if you haven’t already. Also there is a link for you to submit a question I can consider for the next podcast. I encourage those who haven’t yet to just take a chance and listen, they’re quick, 20 minutes, and if you enjoy the blog, I have a feeling you’ll enjoy the Poppin’ Questions Podcast.

Now, onto this week’s letter to my future girlfriend.

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Dear Future Girlfriend, RE: Facebook Profile Pictures

November 30th, 2010 50 comments

Since I’m not in a relationship, there are things I want to write about but often can’t because, well, I’m not actually going through it. Anyone who’s followed this blog knows I place a premium on writing about things I’m either going through or have gone through.

But there are some things I want to write about even if I’m not going through them right at this moment. They’re certain issues or points of conversation I’m sure I will have with my girlfriend of the future. I don’t know what she looks like (well, maybe I do). I have no idea what she will bring to the table, and I definitely can’t predict the contentious points of our relationship. but I know at some point I will be in a relationship and at some point, certain things will come up.

What I want to start doing is getting in front of these issues now, before she even comes into my life. We can certainly talk about them at some point, but I do believe these letters I write to her will be a good starting point for the conversation.

So future girlfriend who I don’t know yet, I’m going to need you to read these letters carefully. They’re not all the answers to the test, but they’re definitely a helpful study guide.

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