I was trying to think of an introduction to today’s post, something about how this one is for my male readers, but isn’t that obvious by the title?
In any case, ladies who have said any of these things to someone else or even to me, don’t be alarmed by the quotes below. Just because a woman says them, doesn’t mean we count them as a strike. It just means they’re not as noble as you might think, ladies. Also, this is not a list of annoying things women say (that would be much longer), rather, this is a list of things women say with an air of pomposity.Women can say them as much as they like, just don’t expect men to interpret them as favorably as they were intended.
Just so we’re clear, I’m not getting married anytime soon. This is one of those posts I wrote down in my long list of ideas, and finally decided to write after I was having a conversation with Jermaine. Both he and I were talking about weddings. Yes, weddings.
For the uninformed, men talk about weddings. They may not do so as much as women, but if a group of men hang around each other often enough, every single aspect of their life eventually comes up for discussion, things like, their future wedding. Whether it be way far off or just around the corner, a man’s wedding is something he thinks about and plans out in his head, not obsessively, but probably more than any woman could imagine. We have plans for our weddings too ladies. Here are five of the things we’re thinking about well in advance of the big day.
We all have these rules for our premarital relationships. Some of them are big picture rules like, no cohabitation or intercourse before marriage. Other rules are more nuanced like the rule I gave myself that I won’t be having s*x without a condom or if I owned a really nice car, no girlfriends are allowed to drive it.
Whatever the rules we may be, some of them are quite ridiculous. And, the longer a lot of us go without getting hitched, the more rules we add, and the more ridiculous the rules can get. For example, the list below, my sampling of five things I have decided I won’t be doing until I get married. Don’t know if I did this list before (too lazy to read back), but I’m sure I’ve never done a list with these five things.
Did you all miss me? Good. It’s nice to be missed.
When I returned home for the holidays, I had intentions of maintaining the blog, but after last Monday’s post, I fell ill and decided to take the week off. The break was necessary and even though it was the longest amount of time I ever went without posting, I felt it was for the best.
But now, with one full day left before I head back to New York City, I’m getting back into the swing of things.
And so today we begin anew. Like I do every Monday, I’m kicking things off with a list of five dating/sex resolutions I plan to abide by once the clock strikes 12 a.m. on January 1, 2011. Most of these resolutions won’t be sudden changes in behavior, as these are things I’ve kind of outgrown, but apt to regress to from time to time. Though I’m not necessarily a big believer in the idea of resolutions, I do feel another year is a clean slate, one in which I have a chance to do things differently. So with that being said, here are five things I’m going to do (or stop doing) regarding sex and dating in 2011.
It’s not like being around babies was a foreign experience to me prior to meeting my niece. I’ve met plenty of babies, been around them numerous times, but never have I been as hands on with them as I am with my niece.
Ever since I met her, I want to be around my niece every chance I get. Just now my sister came by the house to drop her off for my mom and I to babysit for the day. When my sister walked in with my niece in the car seat, I hurried over to pick her up, only to see she was still sleeping. I felt like the first kid awake at a sleepover, waiting for his friends to wake up. I couldn’t wait for her eyes to open.
Needless to say, this new experience being around my niece, all pro-baby like never before, has taught me some lessons. In a little less than a week, here are five I have learned.
If there’s one thing I’ve been blessed to experience as a single man, it’s dating different types of women, even women who weren’t my type. Dating has become a spice of sorts for my life, and without it, I wouldn’t say life would be bland (I’m sure married folks have plenty of spice in their life), but it would certainly taste a lot different in ways I probably wouldn’t enjoy.
As I think about dating and getting older, I continue to find more and more women I want to date. Since I know I can’t date them all, I have come up with a bucket list of some sorts in my head. This list is not at all definitive, matter of fact, it’s very flexible. I know I’m not in complete control of my dating destiny, but I do feel I have some say. So here it is, five types of women I feel every man should date, with the understanding that I have already dated some of these types.
What’s great about the new gig is the opportunity I have to cover hip-hop extensively, specifically current hip-hop. I’m a man who appreciates the genre’s history; as someone who grew up a jazz fan first and foremost, maintaining my awareness for a music’s history has always been extremely important. But I’m not one of those listeners who longs for hip-hop to be what it used to be. I like the evolution of it and I appreciate what artists are doing today with it.
One thing I have noticed this year is the way hip-hop has been tailored beyond it’s traditional environments. Used to be the music was for the streets, trunks of cars, the club, and pre-game warm-ups. When hip-hop wanted to be something for the ladies, it was always slightly pandering. But these days, I think the formula of making a song for specific environments has either gone away or expanded, because now there are a lot of albums people can play in a lot of different places and it sounds perfectly appropriate.
The bedroom is a perfect example.
Similar to a list I’ve done before, but scaled down for the purpose of being succinct, here are five albums I have either played or can imagine being played in the background of a good old fashioned make out session. This list is by no means an authoritative one, just something I culled together for the purpose of today’s post, so anyone who wants to say I forgot one, shut up in advance and just write it down in the comments section. I’d love to hear other people’s suggestions. For those who have never heard the selections listed, I urge you to do so. All of them are good. I wouldn’t list them otherwise.
Well, what do you know? I had a topic all lined up to write about this morning, and then I open up my inbox. Inside was an email from a reader who found out the man she’s been seeing is still active on a couple of dating sites. To add more context, they’ve been seeing each other for two years and he has a history of lying.
What made her question interesting was not that she asked the typical stuff like, “Do you think he’s cheating on me?” or “How do I confront him about this?” (One more thing: a friend of hers who goes to the same dating sites is the one who tipped her to her man’s activity). She actually doesn’t believe her man is cheating, and however naive she may be for believing so, I still think her question was an interesting one:
She asks, What else is a man looking for when he is looking for women?
That’s a great question, so let me lay out not one, but five things a man can be looking for in women outside of the one with whom he is in a relationship.
Like it’s false to assume women don’t talk about sex as much as men do, it’s false to think all men do is talk about sex or women. When it comes to women, men talk about everything. Yes, even relationships. We swap stories, talk about women we have yet to meet, who was fine, who was ugly, who was a freak, who was a prude, the ones who got away, the ones who won’t go away, the ones we want to stay, the ones we want to leave.
But men also talk about more than women, more than sex.
Last week I wrote a post on how some women aren’t interesting and some women asked me how to keep a man interested. The best answer I can give is engaging conversation about things other than typical relationship talk (whatever that is).
From Thursday to Sunday, a few of my boys and I got together to celebrate life. We had a steak dinner, a Celtics game, parties, a three-hour commute from Boston to NYC, and an hour-long exodus from Harlem to Brooklyn. All the while, my boys and I discussed a gamut of things. Women were of course a hot topic. But here are five other things my boys and I talked about over the weekend.
The other night, a female friend and I were having a very candid discussion about s*x. It was one of those talks where if outsiders were listening in, they would blush. We weren’t delving into each others history or being nosy about each others experiences, but we were definitely letting our thoughts hang out there and asking questions with no filter.
I was grateful for the conversation, because her woman’s perspective helped give me a better insight into what goes on with a female when she is having s*x. The other thing it revealed to me was how often women lie about things related to s*x. One thing I have learned over time is the reason why men enjoy s*x more than women (and I absolutely believe this is true) is because men are more open and honest about what they want and what they like. Women, on the other hand, lie, a lot about, and mostly it’s in the name of protecting a man’s ego.
Well some of us men out there are tied of these lies as well as others. We’re big boys now, we can take the honesty. As a matter of fact, we would really prefer to hear it. After I talked to my female friend, I talked to my boy ER and wrapped with him about the five most common lies we’ve heard women tell us regarding sex. Here they are. We hope to never hear them again.