Until I Get Married

Nothing humbles a man more than the news his ex-girlfriend is dating some new guy.

If we receive word from a mutual friend or associate of ours, usually we get a good idea of details and whether or not he measures up to us at least on paper. But sometimes we hear the news from the girl herself, whether she takes it upon herself to tell us she’s found someone new or we inquire about their latest goings on and they casually bring up the news.

This of course causes us to make all sorts of assumptions about about who the mystery man is. Usually, we think he is an actor or a ball player or some magical God on Earth who does both at the same time at the highest level, like Dwyane Wade who is not only an NBA Champion but also an accomplished actor (doubt me and I’ll chalk it up to the fact that you haven’t seen Just Wright).

Read more…

So it’s been told to me by a few people I have a snoring problem. Nothing too bad, they say, but still, I can admit I’m self-conscious about it.

The thing is, I have slept with women who have a snoring problem, and I’m going to be honest, whenever I shared a bed with them, I always felt like stuffing their mouth with a pair of folded up socks. Because this is how I feel about their snoring, I assume this is how women feel about my snoring problem. I’m grateful for their mercy, and their patience with the problem, but what if we go to bed angry at one another? That snoring I do is only going to make matters worse. Next thing I know, the two of us are looking like Ray Liotta and Lorraine Bracco in Goodfellas, with her sitting on top of me and a gun to my face talking about, “I’m tired. Stop. That. Snoring.”

To avoid such a disaster, I want to be proactive about solving this snoring problem. I did some research and I think I found a way to tone it down during night-night time. But here’s the thing, I’m hesitant because it’s not a sexy solution, and well, ladies, all I really want to know is if I choose to use this thing to help stop my snoring, can I still get some in the middle of the night or will you make me take this thing off before we do anything?

Here it is…

Read more…

The rules are the rules.

No talking. No checking in. Maybe a holiday and a birthday, but never a phone call, only a text. There’s no Facebook. No Twitter. No online chatting. No emailing.

Day-to-day business, I don’t need to know. Week in, week out, what are you up to? None of my concern. The rules are the rules. I understand them. I follow them. But the other day, I was thinking, what if something big, good or bad, happens? Am I to know? Won’t you tell me?

Probably not and that’s fine. I understand. The rules. I remember.

But please remember this:

Read more…

This is what happens when a person stays single for an extended amount of time. They start reassessing certain things that might not need reassessing, things like having a girl spend the night.

What was once no big deal and happily encouraged, is now something I weigh upon heavily.  Do I want her to stay? If I don’t want her to stay, should I even invite her over in the first place? If I do invite her over, can she possibly get here by 7 p.m. so she can leave by 9 p.m.? I once dated a girl who wanted to do everything before 11 p.m. because that’s when she watched Law & Order and for such an occasion she preferred to be alone. Why can’t I find more girls like her?

Read more…