I once read a theory from my friend Bomani Jones. I can’t find it, so I’m paraphrasing here, but it was something about how the end of our civilization will not come in the form of some meteorite striking the earth or an alien invasion. Instead, some terrorist is going to figure out a way to end Google, which will immediately take us back to a time when dial-up roamed the Earth.
As far as I’m concerned, that day can’t come soon enough. I used to love Google the way everyone else loves Google. I used to think Google was awesome because when girls who were into me did a search on my name, I didn’t look half bad.
Well that all changed today when I received an email from a girl I used to date. She was talking about a movie that came out not to long ago with a friend of hers and decided to google it. Below, is the screenshot she sent me of the results.
Once again, I’m falling behind on things at the day job, so I have to prioritize accordingly. That being said, I can’t write one of my usual lengthy posts and instead have to make this one short. Please bare with me as I try to get myself caught up, I promise you all, posts will go back to their regular length soon, and hopefully, I will get my usual substantial number of commenters back. I’m beginning to wonder why y’all are so quiet these days, has it been because everything I write lately has been so on point and impenetrable to outside opinion that you all are just nodding your head in agreement? I’m kidding, because I know that couldn’t be the case, unless it is, in which case, carry on.
Putting business aside, let’s move onto today’s topic, one of my favorites: Marriage.
Of course, I know nothing about this topic from personal experience, only outside observations, so I’m not really qualified to wax poetically on it from an insider’s perspective. But I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who asked me why single and unmarried men look at marriage as some sort of prison sentence or analogous to death. My reply, below.
I don’t have very much time to write today, so I’m going to make this post short.
Whenever I discuss my experience with co-habitation, I like to tell people what I learned. Not only did I get lessons about my woman and who I was as a man to my woman, I also learned lessons about being in a relationship with someone you see everyday. Every. Single. Day.
Of all the lessons learned, the lesson I tell people was the most eye-opening, the most amazing, the most valuable, was this:
Posting will be light, and when I say light, I mean pretty much non-existent. I’m in Little Rock for our best friend’s funeral. It’s going to be a joyous and sad occasion all at once, but we, along with the family of Trey Tims, will pull through this.
Thank you to all for the prayers and condolences. It means the world to me and I share them with my boys, it means the world to them too.
“I finally met the one that I knew if I had lost her, it would hurt the most.” -Lamar Odom on marrying Khloe Kardashian
I have not kept up with the gossip behind the marriage of Lakers Lamar Odom and sister-of-someone-more-famous, Khloe Kardashian. Nor will I start. But the above quote will resonate in my head long after the news stops following these two newlyweds.
Is what Odom described all I need to feel for someone in order to walk down the aisle? Someone break it down for me, because this is either the smartest thing I’ve ever heard or the dumbest. It’s so good, so bad, so surface, so deep, that I can’t even write right now. Maybe later today.
But until then, discuss in the c-section (aka comments) and please, no soapboxing on the gossip, just the quote at hand. Thanks.
Dear Ex-Girlfriend who took me to the strip club for my birthday,
I apologize for the $30 ATM service fee they charged at that one strip club, to which I forgot the name. We should have left the moment we saw that shit pop-up on the screen.
I know I didn’t make you go forth and withdraw money, and I know it was my birthday, and I know I used it too, to get cab fare just so you wouldn’t feel as bad (trust me, I apologize to myself everyday). Still, $30? What were we thinking? Instead of saying, “It’s up to you,” I should have just grabbed your arm and said, “Girl, they’re crazy. Let’s get the hell out of here.” But I didn’t and for that, I apologize.
Because I’m having a bad case of writer’s block today and I actually forgot to add this to yesterday’s post. Here it is.
So you know the minute you get out here and step foot into my apartment, I want your clothes off. Don’t waste time. Be naked, wet, and ready before we even get to my room. We shouldn’t even make it to my room. I’m taking you on my couch and I am going to tear you up. I hope you’re ready…
Context: Said by accident to the mother of my ex-girlfriend, who picked up her cell phone just to say hi to me.
So apparently, Chris Brown was sentenced in court yesterday after being found guilty of beating his ex-girlfriend Rihanna. One of the conditions mandated by the judge was a stay-away order. Under this condition, Brown must remain 100 yards away from Rihanna at all times, with the exception of music industry events, where the permissible distance is 10 yards. The order is to be carried out for five years, and if Brown violates it, the singer goes to sing-sing.
When I read about this yesterday, I thought to myself, If I had one of those after my last break-up, things would’ve gone a lot smoother. Initially, after my ex and I broke up, we couldn’t stay away from each other for five days. We thought when one of us said, “Never call me again” what she or I really meant was “Never call me in two days.”But eventually, we found a way to move on and though the order isn’t appointed by the courts, we do a good job of staying away from one another to this day.
That being said, I decided to give all the others who are having trouble staying away from an ex a list of five things they can do to make it easier. Even if the punishment for violating the rules isn’t hard time, the only thing better than getting into a relationship with someone, is getting over them when you break up, and nothing helps more than some good ‘ol fashioned space. Here’s how to get it: