Until I Get Married

Before watching this video, three things about it:

First: It’s kind of ugly. I hate the song and the dancing is hardly sensual. It honestly looks like something out of a dance at a public school named after Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. I should know because I went to a public school named after Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., and I went to the dances.

Second: This is romance, people. Seriously. Look at the laughs, the smiles, and most importantly, how comfortable they are with one another. We should be so lucky they let us even watch such a moment. Not because it’s lewd (that’s actually what makes it somewhat uncomfortable to watch), but because it is obviously something they’ve done plenty of times before in the privacy of their own quarters. For whatever reason, this time, they decided to record it and as a reward we get to see a young couple who may or may not end up together forever have a moment Videos like this should go viral.

Third: If I saw them, I’d thank them, for this is a tutorial on how to have fun as a couple, an example of what happiness in a relationship looks like. It was also a reminder of relationships past. Not ashamed to admit, I like to dance with the woman I’m dating in a room, quietly, with no one around. In my last relationship, we’d dance in my apartment together at least once a week, not as a rule, just as a way to let loose with one another. Couples need moments like this, to remind themselves why they’re together in the first place.

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I know I said I was taking a break, but I was moved to post something quick. Read on. I hope everyone is doing well.

If I haven’t said it before, let me say it now, “Californication” is one of my top three favorite shows on television. Maybe it’s because of the show’s protagonist, Hank Moody, a charming but no-luck-having writer who is, to put it bluntly, addicted to sex. And yet, he is in love with one woman, Karen, his estranged lover and mother of their daughter, Becca.

Throughout the show’s four seasons, Hank and Karen have been on an up and down roller coaster. Their lives, of course, are forever connected through their daughter, but you always get the feeling even if they didn’t have a child together, they would always find some way to be more than friends. I don’t watch every show on television, but I can’t think of a couple more dysfunctional, which is why root for them to be together the way I root for my Pittsburgh Steelers to win games.

This past Sunday I was reminded once more why I watch Karen and Hank with a wide-eyed curiosity usually reserved for train wrecks.

Hank, who has been convicted of statuary rape (long story stemming all the way back to season one), is embraced with Karen and they’re slow dancing to Jeff Beck’s cover of Stevie Wonder’s “Cause We’ve Ended As Lovers” in Karen’s living room. Karen is venting to Hank all that is wrong with him and her and them together, and as she winds down she asks Hank a question I have pondered over with lovers of my own. It was a question Hank answers, and a fantastic end to the episode, because even after the credits were done rolling I was still chewing on the question. So I decided to share the bit of dialogue with all of you below, with the question in bold. Feel free to leave thoughts and/or answers in the comments section. Also, the song they were listening to in the scene. I miss you all.

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Quoting oneself is one of the most egotistical, self-involved acts we can indulge ourselves in and since I am egotistical and self-involved, I quote myself often. But as someone who writes not for myself but for an audience of any size, there is nothing more flattering than when someone quotes me because I myself am a fan of the good quote. To me,  it’s like the next great song: I haven’t heard it yet, but I’m always in search of it.

Those who know me know like to say I write the way I talk, and I find that to be a good thing, because even when I’m talking, I’m writing.  If I say something I like, I write it down and put it away so maybe I can use it for later. Sometimes, a simple phrase I have in my head is nothing more than that, but sometimes, it’s the first step towards another 800 or so words. Even the title of this blog came out of a casual conversation I was having with a friend of mine when we were talking about some crazy night we had in New York. “Man, I’m telling you, until I get married, I’m rolling just like that.”

Today, I’m lacking the energy to come up with a single focused rant on a specific topic, so I have decided instead to write a bunch of quotes about things related to love, relationships, dating, and sex. Think Esquire magazine’s, “What I’ve Learned”.

All of these are things I have said in casual conversations with friends on Twitter, or maybe even in a past blog entry. I encourage everyone to quote them aloud to friends and family,  share them in status messages on a platform of your choosing, or put them on Twitter. I have no idea if they’re worthy of such treatment, but if they are, you’re welcome.

And please, feel free to share any words of wisdom you have either come up with yourself or heard from others. Just please, make it original, none of that “I love you is never having to say you’re sorry” type of stuff.

RE: SEX ON THE FIRST DATE

All women have that no-sex-on-the-first-date rule, and all women want a reason to break it.

RE: BUYING DRINKS FOR A WOMAN

I don’t buy a drink until 2:00, because usually by that time, all they really need is a bottle of water.

If she’s empty-handed, don’t do it.

RE: BEING FRIENDS WITH AN EX

You weren’t friends in the first place, so why bother? You can’t bring a two-seater sports car back to the lot and ask for an SUV.

The key to being cool with an ex is dating someone who was cool in the first place.

RE: THE RIGHT TIME TO HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE

If you ever thought it was too soon, then it wasn’t that good.

RE: BIRTHDAY SEX AS A GIFT

There’s nothing special about birthday sex. That’s like wrapping my television, talking about SURPRISE!

Bring another woman into the mix. That’s a gift.

RE: NEVER TALKING AGAIN

Time will take care of that, trust me.

RE: LIVING WITH A WOMAN OR A MAN

The relationship goes into dog years. After just one year of living with that person, you will feel like you’ve been with them for seven years.

You see them go to the bathroom, and you have to act like that’s perfectly okay, like it’s natural, because it is. But then later on, when she wants to get busy, you have to act like you never saw it.

RE: THE RIGHT TIME TO BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE

When you’re mad at the person, that’s not a good enough reason. It’s when you’re mad at yourself for dealing with the person that it’s time to move on.

RE: MARRIED MEN

We are not alike, and if we are, that’s a problem.

RE: THE TREATMENT OF WOMEN

Why treat her as though they were my mom or my sister when she wouldn’t treat me like her father or brother? I haven’t always been the perfect son or the perfect brother, but no matter what I’ve done, my mom and my sister never wanted to disown me. But when I haven’t been the perfect boyfriend, those girls bounce.

You can treat a woman right and still do the wrong thing, and sometimes, that’s all it takes.

RE: CRYING OVER A WOMAN

I’ve seen men cry and I’ve seen men cry over a woman, and the difference is like the difference between practice and a real game.

RE: DATING ME

It’s a lot of fun, a lot of work.

I will never beat you, I can promise you that. But the whole breaking-your-heart-thing, that might happen.

RE: LYING

I have always regretted it, even when I never got caught because I always wonder what would happen if  I just would’ve told the truth.

There is no lying. There’s just two truths to every story, one of which is made up.

RE: THE TRUTH

There’s consequences to that too, and they’re almost always easier to deal with than the ones we suffer because of lying.

When I have told the truth, I never question the outcome because everything that happened is exactly what was supposed to happen.

RE: BEING SINGLE

Trust me, I’m doing every woman a favor right now.

“Anybody can be a father or a husband. There are only five people in the world who can do what I do, and I’m going for that” – Linda Hamilton, quoting her ex-husband, director James Cameron.

In the October 26 issue of The New Yorker magazine, there is an exhausting profile on director James Cameron, he of Aliens, Terminator (1 and 2), Abyss, and Titanic fame. The story’s author, Dana Goodyear goes into great detail about not only Cameron’s filmography and career but his personal life as well. In an interview with Linda Hamilton (most fans will remember her for her role as Sarah Connor in the two Terminator films), who was once married to Cameron, she talks about what kind of man he was and in doing so recalls the quote I wrote above.

When I came across it, I just had to put down my magazine for a quick second and think about what I read.

As egotistical as Cameron’s quote is, he kind of has a point. After all, name nine other directors who has accomplished in their career what Cameron has in his, bet you only get to five. Even outside of film, where Cameron won Oscars and broke box office records for the same movie (Titanic), most men will never be able to reach a similar amount of success.

But what the quote really made me think about is the male ego and how we men, no matter how successful or unsuccessful we are, allow it to take over our lives and affect our common sense. Cameron would like to believe that women, as great as they are, are a distraction to accomplishing his goals. Most men at some point or another, believe the same thing. As my Pop once told me, Whatever you do, don’t fall in love too early. Go to school, get into college, graduate, then worry about her, whoever she is, later.

As good of a construction worker as my Pop was and as brilliant as he is, he was no James Cameron of construction. But I do believe he felt he could have been were it not for letting his love for women who came in his life, and having children with a couple of them, get in his way.

The differences between my Pop and someone like Cameron are probably an ocean wide, but when Cameron said this quote, I realized no matter how different two men are, women will always be the great equalizer.  The quote made me think: If I want to be as successful as Cameron is, must I choose my career over being a good husband or father like he has? If I don’t, will I end up like my Pop, a talented, but frustrated construction worker who coached my little league team?

But then I thought about men who have done a pretty good job at being both career-focused and family-focused, men like, Barack Obama. From the looks of it he’s a pretty good father to his two daughters and a good husband to his wife. He’s also President of the United States and won a Nobel Peace Prize. And though I don’t think there’s even five people in the world who can do that, myself included, it’s worth a shot.

If interested, click here to read “Man of Extremes: The Return of James Cameron”

“I finally met the one that I knew if I had lost her, it would hurt the most.” -Lamar Odom on marrying Khloe Kardashian

I have not kept up with the gossip behind the marriage of Lakers Lamar Odom and sister-of-someone-more-famous, Khloe Kardashian. Nor will I start. But the above quote will resonate in my head long after the news stops following these two newlyweds.

Is what Odom described all I need to feel for someone in order to walk down the aisle? Someone break it down for me, because this is either the smartest thing I’ve ever heard or the dumbest. It’s so good, so bad, so surface, so deep, that I can’t even write right now. Maybe later today.

But until then, discuss in the c-section (aka comments) and please, no soapboxing on the gossip, just the quote at hand. Thanks.