Anytime I write two s*xually related posts two days in a row, the claws come out. People start complaining my blog is about nothing more than s*x. They say all I care about is getting women in bed. I don’t want a relationship, etc.
Well, all I ask is for any reader who feels like writing such a comment today, please email it to me instead, because today, once again, I’m writing a post about s*x. It’s nothing perverse, just something i want to get off my chest. So, to those who feel like saying something else about my writing about s*x, please find a way to take it out of the comments section because in there, I want to stay on topic.
Now, let’s get started shall we?
The other night, a female friend and I were having a very candid discussion about s*x. It was one of those talks where if outsiders were listening in, they would blush. We weren’t delving into each others history or being nosy about each others experiences, but we were definitely letting our thoughts hang out there and asking questions with no filter.
I was grateful for the conversation, because her woman’s perspective helped give me a better insight into what goes on with a female when she is having s*x. The other thing it revealed to me was how often women lie about things related to s*x. One thing I have learned over time is the reason why men enjoy s*x more than women (and I absolutely believe this is true) is because men are more open and honest about what they want and what they like. Women, on the other hand, lie, a lot about, and mostly it’s in the name of protecting a man’s ego.
Well some of us men out there are tied of these lies as well as others. We’re big boys now, we can take the honesty. As a matter of fact, we would really prefer to hear it. After I talked to my female friend, I talked to my boy ER and wrapped with him about the five most common lies we’ve heard women tell us regarding sex. Here they are. We hope to never hear them again.
Without fail, it always happens. I write about hooking up with a person quickly (one week!) or randomly, and someone in the comments section says it’s the kind of behavior that leads to the spread of STIs. All the time, someone is trying to educate me on the hazards of sleeping with someone I barely know or don’t know beyond a two-week period of time.
Well, can someone explain to me how the period of time we choose to wait before we sleep with someone increases or decreases our chances of getting an STI? I’m just wondering when this new science became a part of the sex education curriculum. It had to be after my time because I remember taking sex education in elementary school, middle school, high school, and even college (Human Sexuality 101, great course!) and I don’t ever remember being told sleeping with someone quickly will increase my chances of getting an STI and taking my time to sleep with someone will decrease my chances of getting an STI.
I never understand why women tell a man they never did something they just did with him. When are they going to realize he never believes her when she says that, and more importantly, he never really cared if she did in the first place?
Before I get into today’s list, I just want to say I hope we can have fun and talk about today’s post in the comments section like mature adults who know how to laugh. Remember: Just because you don’t find it funny, doesn’t mean it’s serious.
Without saying too much about myself, I would like to think I’m fairly adventurous when it comes to bedroom activities. There is a short list of things I absolutely positively won’t do, or should I say let be done to me? Yeah, I’ll say that, a short list of things I won’t let be done to me, so go ahead and connect the dots on that one. But when it comes to her? Hey, whatever we need to do for her to enjoy herself, I’m game. There’s not too much I won’t do for her pleasure, but every now and then, I want to draw another line.
Whether it was something I experienced first hand or it was an experience one my boys told me about, the following is a list of five things women have wanted to do to enhance the experience, but in doing so, pushed the envelope a little too far. It’s not to say the show will stop. Not at all; it must go on. But just know, these five things are making me slightly uncomfortable.
Let me be clear, this post is not my attempt to get a woman to sleep with me or any other man she is dating before she is ready. I have said it before and I will say it again, a woman should not sleep with any man until she is comfortable doing so.
But with every day she lets pass without giving up any “insert-word-that-rhymes-with-pass-here”, she must understand the effects it’s having on the guy she is dating. Make a man wait, and the anxiety starts to build because the more a man likes a woman, the more pressure he puts on himself to perform well. Once that anxiety kicks in, he starts getting a virgin mentality. Sure he’s been with other women, but he’s never been with her and he starts to feel like he’s been waiting for her his whole life and when she’s finally ready to do it, he doesn’t know what to do, in a figurative sense and sometimes in a literal sense.
So, how do we avoid such a catastrophe? By sleeping with the guy at the optimum time. What time is that?
To hear others tell it, I use this blog to talk about sex. A lot. Though I don’t think it’s an entirely accurate assessment, I do know I talk about sex frequently.
It is because of this frequency many people in the comments and those who meet me in real life usually suggest I’m some sort of insatiable freak who will sleep with every woman I meet. And that is not true! I will not sleep with every woman I meet because not every woman I meet will let me sleep with them. DUH! But I digress…
What frustrates me most when people speak on my speaking about my sex life is when they want to give me the same song and dance I’ve heard a million times about the importance of safe sex. As though I don’t know it, and I don’t practice it. So what I have decided to do is publicly declare what I call a new vow of celibacy for myself and any woman I sleep with moving forward. Here it is:
In her defense, she told me before we even went out on our first date. It was kind of like a warning, but I didn’t take it that way, more so like a challenge. She was a virgin and she was going to remain that way until she was married. Having known my reputation for liking sex (which isn’t even really a reputation so much as it is a stereotype, accurate and true), she wanted to give me an out, but that’s not what I wanted.
I wanted in. Not in a physical sense. The challenge I saw was not to break this girl down and make her change her mind. I just wanted to be close to this girl I had my eye on for months, and was curious to see if I could actually get to an intimate connection that goes beyond sex. So I accepted these circumstances and I gave it my all, as a consequence, this is what happened.
The only time my mom ever complained to me about this blog was once in the early months. She asked me why I make so many references to being drunk or drinking when I don’t drink that much. I told her it just happens to be the case that when I go out, the two things I see a lot of are drinks and women. And since most of my stories are more of the casual variety, a lot more of those times when I was drinking and people were drinking around me will come up.
But her question was valid considering I’m not a big drinker. I don’t even own alcohol at my house. There’s one Corona, that’s been sitting in my refrigerator for months. I’m especially not a big day drinker, as a matter of fact, I kind of hate it. The only reason I ever drink is so the woman I am with doesn’t drink alone, and even then, I sometimes decline anyway, thus making me look like a jerk. After all, who lets a woman drink alone? Well, I do. Sometimes. But if I had it my way, she wouldn’t drink at all or only on special occasions.
Before I go any further, understand this is not a defense of last Friday’s post. That is what it was and it will remain that way. But I do feel, for the first time in a long time, some clarity is necessary, so here it goes.
Here’s a question for all the ladies out there who have that one guy friend they think of like a brother…Well, wait, before I even ask the question, let’s dispel of the notion that the guy who is “like” your brother is a brother or related in any way by blood for that matter. He’s not. He’s a best friend. The guy who has been there when boyfriends weren’t….Now do all the ladies reading know who I’m talking about? Okay, good. Now here’s the question:
Why not sleep with him?
I understand “best friend sex” is one of those unwritten laws no one should violate, but we all know at some point, a man will be a man, and he will try his female best friend. And for all the men who have already done this, or have yet to do so but probably will anyway, their advances will probably be met with side eye city. So for them, I have taken it upon myself to be their representation.
Below, the five reasons why she might want to sleep with her best friend.