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The Romantic vs. The Player: In Defense of the Other

October 30th, 2009 6 comments

THE PLAYER DEFENDS THE ROMANTIC:

Truth be told, I have no real beef with The Romantic. In a lot of ways, I admire him. Going after a woman the way he does, with his heart on his sleeve, takes guts. Dare I say it takes more guts than the way I approach a woman, which is often times with no heart at all. At least, not emotional heart.

What The Romantic doesn’t do, is something I can respect. He doesn’t give up. He has one mission in life and that’s to find the love of it. He’s been hurt before (though he won’t tell you he’s hurt others too) and yet, he still picks himself up and tries again. Tries, tries, tries, tries, because he believes in love like little kids believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. And it’s that kind of naivete I wish I had, because I’ll be honest, I may have more fun than him, but sometimes, I think he’s happier than me. People often confuse the two.

I have to give props where props are due. The Romantic is idealistic, optimistic, and in his heart of hearts, believes himself to be realistic, so who am I to tell him he’s wrong? Any man I would set my sister up with is good in my book, and The Romantic is that man.

THE ROMANTIC DEFENDS THE PLAYER:

Don’t get me wrong, the player is an egotistical jerk sometimes so appalling, even I shudder. But he means well, if only to himself.

You see, the player just doesn’t want to get hurt and honestly, he doesn’t want to hurt others. As a matter of fact, when I think about it, The Player has never made a woman cry to the extent I have made a woman cry. He keeps it honest, real, and would rather punch a woman in the stomach, than kick her in the back.

(Okay, wait, that was a bad metaphor. The Player doesn’t put his hands on a woman. Nor do I. But you know what I’m trying to say, right? The Player is honest, to a fault.)

The Player is honest about who he is from the start. I tell a woman she’s the only one, even if I don’t know for sure. The Player tells a woman she’s not the only one, that much he knows for sure

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from The Player, it’s the value of being honest not only to women but to ourselves. He knows he isn’t ready for a relationship, so he never acts like it. He also knows, not all women want a relationship, so why treat them like they do?

His ways may all be a defensive mechanism for him not to end up like me, but sometimes being me sucks. When I’m really down about one woman who hasn’t called me back or is giving me the run-around, I look at The Player and say, Damn, that life looks just as good.

Still, I would never introduce him to my sister.

The Romantic vs. The Player: Things We Can Agree On

October 29th, 2009 4 comments

Though they may disagree on various matters of the heart, The Romantic and The Player are able to find other things they agree on when it comes to the opposite sex. Here are a few:

Safe Sex, Always

The Player: I don’t want an STD or a KID

The Romantic: Yeah, what he said.

Marriage Is…

The Romantic: A long ways away

The Player: A very long ways away

No Dinner on the First Date

The Romantic: I’m so much more creative than that.

The Player: So far, she has done nothing to deserve a free meal.

Women Are At The Club

The Player: On any given night, a man can find at least three or four to add to his roster.

The Romantic: On any given night, a man can meet the one true love to add to his life.

Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman’s Scorn

The Romantic: Hurt a woman bad enough and she’s gone forever.

The Player: Hurt a woman bad enough and she’s gone forever, but not before she trashes your place.

The Romantic vs. The Player: Another Man's Woman

October 28th, 2009 4 comments

The Romantic: Remember, that girl I was telling you about? The one who has a man?

The Player: Yeah, the one with the man. Her. I sure do.

The Romantic: I’m going after her kind of hard, man.

The Player: What do you mean, “going after”?

The Romantic: I mean, I’ve been pursuing her, trying to get her to leave him for me.

The Player: Oh no, you don’t do that. What the hell is wrong with you?

The Romantic: Says the player…

The Player: Yeah, well, it’s going to sound ass backwards, but I’m very much against taking another man’s woman, especially if they’re in a relationship.

The Romantic: You make no sense, you’re a player! You boast about this constantly and now you’re saying you don’t want women to do the same thing?

The Player: Basically. Look, I’m willing to cop to who I am but I don’t want a woman doing the same thing. There’s a reason we call them the fairer sex.

The Romantic: Still not making sense…

The Player: Man, do you know how hard it is for most men to have the mentality you have?  Most men don’t. Most men, when they settle down, they do so on a wing and a prayer, it’s like they say, Okay, I’m going to do this with this one woman, and it better work. They end up putting their all into it because it actually goes against their basic behavior which is essentially to be with as many women as they can. So when a woman gets involved with another man, the man she’s with gets his heart broken, sure. But what really happens is he loses complete faith in the idea of commitment.

The Romantic: Okay, fine, I get that, but what if you know the man she’s with doesn’t deserve her?

The Player: Well, how do you know that?

The Romantic: Well, if he was doing his job right, the woman I’m trying to get with wouldn’t even be entertaining leaving him for me.

The Player: That’s just the grass looking greener on the other side. In the end though, it’s still just grass. You’re just grass.

The Romantic: But she could build a house on my grass.

The Player: Huh?

The Romantic: I’m not trying to get this girl to cheat on her man with me. I’m trying to get her to leave her man for me. See the difference?

The Player: That’s as much of a difference as six in one hand and half-a-dozen in the other.

The Romantic: No, it isn’t. There’s a huge difference. I’m not asking her to leave her man for a night or two, I’m asking her to leave her man to be with me, to be in a relationship with me. One that she’s truly happy with. I think I’d know if her man was doing her job, and if he was, I wouldn’t even be in the picture.

The Player: Women like attention, my man. That never gets old no matter what type of relationship she has.

The Romantic: Well, her man isn’t giving her enough of that attention. I believe if you’re doing your job right, your woman never even gives another man the time of day, let alone extended play.

The Player: Well, did you ever think of what happens if she does leave her man for you? That’s a mindfuck, if there ever was one. You’re always going to worry about her doing to you what she did to the man she left.

The Romantic: You have a point, but I can’t worry about that until after I get her. I’ll cross that bridge when I get there, but the first thing I have to do is get her to leave him for me.

The Player: Do you hear yourself? Look, even if I’m a player, I still abide by a certain set of rules and one of those rules is another man’s woman is off limits. For two reasons: One, there are so many single women out there in the world, why bother with another man’s? Trust me, there a lot of single women. A LOT. I have six of them right now. If you want, I can even set you up with one.

The Romantic: HA! Now you’re a pimp?

The Player: No, I’m kidding. But really, there are tons of single women out there, so there’s no need to go after one who’s taken. The other thing though is you don’t know what her man is capable of. Trust me, I know.

The Romantic: Yeah, you told me that story before. But I’m not afraid of that because I feel like we’re meant to be together, she’s meant to be with me. If she’s meant to be with him, than why isn’t he acting like it?

The Player: Because relationships are a job, and like any job, you’re going to have some good days and you’re going to have some bad days, and…

The Romantic: And if you don’t do it right, you’re going to get fired and replaced by someone else.

The Player: Hey man, do you. If you believe you can do that much better than her current man, then make your move, but just remember this.

The Romantic: What?

The Player: Remember two things: One, everything her man did, just don’t do that. You can make mistakes, but let them be new ones, ones she hasn’t seen before. Because she isn’t leaving her man cause you’re like him. She’s leaving him cause you’re the exact opposite.

The Romantic: Okay, and what’s the second thing?

The Player: Oh, the second thing? Good luck.

The Romantic vs. The Player: Walking Dogs

October 27th, 2009 10 comments

This post isn’t really about walking dogs, as much as it is about doing little things for a woman who you’re not in a relationship with. Walking dogs is just a metaphor for all those things we do for the ones we care about the most. Today, The Romantic in me and The Player in me face off about when, if ever, a man should draw the line on doing little things for a woman they’re not in a relationship with.

THE ROMANTIC

It’s really simple: Just because I’m not in a relationship with a woman doesn’t mean I can’t do things as though I am in a relationship with her. Isn’t that what we do every time we have sex? Of course it is. So if we can have sex even though we’re not in a formal relationship, what’s wrong with walking her dog?

The only reason I would say no is because I wouldn’t want her to get the wrong idea. I am not quite ready for a relationship, and she knows that. If I walk her dog for her while she works overtime, the gray area we exist can possibly get even more foggy. But, that’s not a really good reason to say no. Or rather, it’s not a better reason than the one I have for saying yes.

This girl and I may not be together,  but we are definitely involved with one another, and I shouldn’t need a title to be a nice guy to her. Saying no to walking the dog would only be to save face, and my face is just fine. For this girl who I am not in a relationship with, I am going to walk her dog because I like her, and more importantly she likes me, which means she would do the same thing.

THE PLAYER

She wants me to do what? Walk the dog? My response to that is…hmmm…what’s the words I’m looking for? Oh yeah, that’s it, HELL NO!

This is exactly the kind of thing I’m talking about. We have a good thing going on, it’s a little thing called just sex. We have just sex and we’re happy. Doing anything more than that is a slippery slope. One minute I’m walking her dog, the next minute, I’m like Owen Wilson‘s character in Marley and Me, writing a column about the joys of raising a dog with my lovely wife.

No thanks.

All this talk of how if she can sleep with me, I can walk her dog is bull. You know what she gets for sleeping with me? My A game. If that’s not enough, and I need to start walking dogs to show my appreciation, than either I need to do a better job in the bedroom or she needs to fire me. And about that nice guy logic? I am a nice guy, I’m just not a nice guy who walks dogs. But I’m sure there are plenty of those types out there. She should find one if she doesn’t have one already.

If I start doing all these little things like walking the dog or fixing something that’s broke around her crib, she’s going to think I want to do more than what we’re already doing when the truth is I don’t. Our relationship is based on two things: Enjoying each other’s company and not doing any favors to do so.

Do I like the girl? Yeah, I do, but not to this extent, so I am going to tell her no, and explain to her the reason. Because contrary to popular belief, a real player tells a woman the truth, even if it hurts; as a matter of fact, especially if it hurts.

The Romantic vs. The Player: On First Date Sex

October 26th, 2009 11 comments

THE PLAYER

First date, smirst date, it’s all just a formality. If I had it my way, the most we would do is meet up for some Costco samples, head back to my place, and do the dance adults do in the bedroom. But because tradition says so, I have to take her out, have to make her feel like I actually care about her with her clothes on. So I will, but I’m eating before I go out, at least that way I don’t have to break the bank on myself. Hopefully she will do the same.

Whether she does or she doesn’t, the goal is First Date Sex. The Romantic is going to say I’m too ambitious, I shouldn’t even aim for such a thing, but he’s soft. Me? I’m an animal. I keep telling the Romantic, “First Date Sex is nothing more than a testament to how much the girl is feeling me and how good of a date I was.”

If you haven’t had First Date Sex,” I continue on. “You haven’t had a great first date. At the very least, you should be making it hard for the girl to say no.”

A real player doesn’t believe in waiting for the right time. A real player feels the right time is all the time, even if it’s the first time. What’s with this whole waiting game we have going on? A woman says, “You move fast.” I say she moves slow.

The truth is, there’s no nobility in waiting, and any woman who thinks so is lying to herself. She can cite all the experiences in which making a man wait has gotten her what she wants, but if she’s single when she’s telling me all this, then what has it really done for her?

Never has a woman who has had sex with me on the first date been judged for doing so. If anything, the women who have, actually manage to stay in the picture just as long, if not longer than the women who have not. I tell myself, We do it now, so there can be a later.

THE ROMANTIC

Do not get me wrong, I have a little player in me, which means, if a woman chooses to have sex with me on the first date, I will gladly oblige. But the difference between me and the Player is my objective is not to have First Date Sex.

On the first date, all I really want to do is get to know the young lady. If I only have my mind focused on getting in the woman’s pants, I might miss out on her finer, more subtle qualities.

The way I see it, First Date Sex is just as much of a lie as no First Date Sex. The player says, First Date sex is the only way he knows a woman is really feeling him, and I guess that’s a good gauge. But what the Player doesn’t understand is if a woman is having sex on the first date, it has little to do with his charm or good looks.

When a woman has sex on the first date, the reason is hardly, if ever, because the man was nice, sweet, and she really likes him. She chose to have sex on the first date because she was horny and it’s been a minute. She chose to have sex on the first date because she was bored. She chose to have sex on the first date because she wanted to, and it had nothing to do with you, player.

First Date Sex is how the player gets played into believing he’s the man. Me? I’m trying to be her man.

I don’t waste my time going out on frivolous dates for frivolous reasons. I only want to go out with women I know I like before we sit down. I want to get to know the woman for who she is,  find more reasons to like her.

Because what I’m really trying to do is build something here, hence why I am pulling out all the stops. I’m talking take her to dinner at a real nice restaurant and foot the whole bill. No shortcuts. Make an impression the way one of my boy’s did on his first date with one of my closest female friend’s.

If I recall correctly, there first date was on her born day and involved a romantic dinner, where he actually got a live band to play her happy birthday. Now, years later, the two are engaged and about to get married.

See what a little romance can do? All the player is doing is spending a few dollars now, so he can make a few more later. What I am trying to do is build a relationship, and methodically hit the jackpot. I tell myself, This here is a marathon, not a sprint.

Related: The Romantic vs. The Player: A Preview

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The Romantic vs. The Player: A Preview

October 23rd, 2009 2 comments

Apologies to all my readers. Today I’ve been traveling and haven’t had Internet access until now.

I will be back next week though, with a special series of posts entitled “The Romantic vs. The Player”.

Beginning on Monday, October 26 and continuing until Friday, October 30 I will either be writing two posts a day or one posts in two voices on various topics. Each post will be written from the point of view of the player in me and the romantic in me.

The goal of each post is for people to get a better understanding of both my sides when it comes to dealing with women. The romantic in me believes in true love and the player in me believes in loving as many women as possible. Sometimes I envy my married friends and wish I was one of them, other times I laugh at my married friends and am overjoyed about being single.

A lot of my readers also seem to look at me in black and white, absolute constructs. Some think I’m a romantic others think I’m player. Neither side is 100 percent true.

Next week, I will show everyone I can, and am often, both. Two sides. One me. Let’s see what happens.

Categories: guys, s#x, the romantic vs. the player, women Tags: