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Women Should Always Carry Condoms. Always.

August 27th, 2009 24 comments

Women who don’t carry condoms get on my nerves and confuse me.

Let’s start with the woman’s point of view, which is they have no problems keeping a stash of rubbers at their place of residence, but if they go out, men should be strapped. This only makes sense if I know for a fact I’m going home with someone or to someone’s home at the end of the night. But if my night is filled with a bunch of ifs, ands, or maybes, I know from experience, carrying a condom on me is the anti-rabbit’s foot.

Women always seem more comfortable with me when I don’t have condoms than when I do. It’s as though I didn’t plan to have sex, which endears me to them, but  is also dead wrong. I don’t know when it’s in my plans not to have sex. I just figure when a woman’s ready to do it, she will be prepared. And if she doesn’t have condoms, it was in her plans not to have sex.

The only exception in which it is a man’s responsibility to have condoms is if the action is going down at his place, because all men should have a stash at home. But if he doesn’t know how his night’s going to end or it’s not going end on home turf, women should be prepared.

Unfortunately, women like to play coy even with themselves; acting like there’s no need for them to have a couple of condoms in their purse because nothing is going to happen, or, because it’s unbecoming of a lady to be so ready. The truth is, neither of those dogs hunt.

Women, like men, cannot predict the future, but they should always be prepared for it. We are living in a time when one-night-stands are considered a rights of passage into adulthood, and no woman should be unprepared for hers.

As for those who believe only loose women carry condoms in their purse with no intent on using them, what a mistake. Women who carry condoms just in case are not loose. They’re smart, or, maybe they’re smart, loose women.

Either way, you get my point: Women, whether loose or uptight, should always carry condoms, if they’re smart.

Categories: s#x, things a woman should do Tags:

Things A Woman Should Do #2

August 14th, 2009 11 comments

ROOT FOR MY TEAM

Football season is here, which means it’s time for me to get religious on Sundays. Ask anyone who knows me and they’ll tell you I am a huge Pittsburgh Steelers fan (though I’m not from Pittsburgh, my dad is), so whenever I’m dating a woman during football season, I make it very clear: Root against my team and consider us done. I’ll call you in the off-season.

To me, there is no bigger slap in the face than when a woman purposely roots against a man’s team. I’m perfectly fine with a woman having a team of her own, if she’s rooted for the team her whole life. But if she’s the type of woman who never really paid attention to my three favorite sports (football, basketball, and baseball), and never had a team, then she needs to be on my side.

Now, I have heard some women say it’s fun to root against their man’s team because if his team is losing they think it’s sexy when he gets all angry.

It isn’t.

Let’s say I’m watching a movie with my woman about a man in love with two women, one named Joan, the other named Jessie, and my woman is pulling for Jessie, wouldn’t I be an asshole if I was rooting for Joan? Even if I thought Joan had the better body, and the better face, and looked like she was better in bed, out of respect for my lady, I would still root for Jessie because I’m no dummy. The last thing I want to hear is my woman tell me, “Oh, well you can have Joan. As a matter of fact, call her right now, see if you can sleep her in bed tonight cause you’re not sleeping in mine.”

Consider this your warning, ladies: Men want our women to root for the team we’re rooting for. Period. And if you don’t, we just might go sleep in Joan’s bed. At least until the off-season.

Categories: things a woman should do, women Tags:

Things A Woman Should Do #1

August 6th, 2009 10 comments

WEAR A DRESS SHIRT

Hey, ladies, do me a favor. Wear a dress shirt. And I don’t mean one of those women dress shirts they sell at the Gap. I mean one of mine. Not to work. Not to run an errand. Just around my place. It doesn’t have to be everyday either. Just a couple of times a month, preferably after sex.

I love this. Other men love this. Seriously. If you don’t believe me, just ask them right now. Go ahead. I’ll wait…

SEE?! I told you.