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DEBATES MEN HAVE: Her Place or Mine

It happens to the best of us. Whether we’re on a date or we just met for the first time that night, most men will, if they haven’t already, come face to face with one of life’s biggest decisions:

Should I go to her place or let her come to mine?

Now, before I get into the debate and weigh the pros and cons of both, let’s establish some criteria so we don’t get caught up in semantics.

  • The woman and I live equal distance away from their current location.
  • We live alone or our places are empty for the weekend; no parents*, no** roommates, no children***.
  • Both of us have our own form of transportation so we’ll be following one another. If we don’t have cars (in New York City this is common) we can cab it together.
  • Neither of us are busy the next day.

With those things established, we can now get down to the nitty gritty of the topic, which basically comes down to this: Where do I prefer the action to take place?


PROS: There is a strange but fulfilling feeling I get when I leave a woman’s place that I don’t get when she leaves my place.  If I don’t feel like staying around after we’ve blessed the sheets, I can just get dressed and make moves no matter how late it is. And having that ability makes me feel like I had control of the situation all along, even if that wasn’t necessarily the case.

CONS: Some men don’t care, but for me, there are few bigger turn-offs than a woman with a messy place. Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem doing the grown-up on a pile of a laundry, but once the show’s over, I pray the clothes are clean, and if they’re not, I’m gone. I’ll just wash up at my place. Thanks.


PROS: Three words: Home. Field. Advantage. For some reason, I’m always better in my bed than her bed, at least in the beginning. I also know where everything is, and more importantly, everything I need is within arms reach. Few things are as liberating as not only knowing where the condoms are but also not being at the mercy of the woman’s stash of condoms she picked up from the local Planned Parenthood.

CONS: I’ve let women leave in the middle of the night and I’ll be honest, it’s not something I’m proud of, even if they’ve volunteered to leave themselves. Every man has at least one particular code of chivalry they abide by no matter the circumstances, and for me, I always let a woman ride it out until the night turns to day. Unfortunately, if they want to stay and they’re annoying me, I’m all types of pissed off until sunrise and I will never call them again.

I’m also uncomfortable with the idea of a woman knowing where I live. If they’re intoxicated they might not remember, but if they do remember, and they actually committed the location of my residence to memory, she probably has stalker tendencies.



I may perform better in my own bed, but my road record is good enough where I’ll take my chances. Where I live and how I live where I live is not a top secret government location, but it is personal.

The other thing is, control. At my place, I’m in control of my environment but not necessarily in control of the person who’s in my environment. At her place, she’s in control of the environment, but I’m in control of me, which means I can leave when I want. I just hope she didn’t get her condoms from the Planned Parenthood.

What do you all think?


*No, I don’t live with my parents

**No, I don’t have roommates

***No, I don’t have children.

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  • thedlife

    “I’m also uncomfortable with the idea of a woman knowing where I live. If they’re intoxicated they might not remember, but if they do remember, and they actually committed the location of my residence to memory, she probably has stalker tendencies.”

    My significant other told me this was one of the reasons he never wanted to invite me over when we first met. Men are such weird creatures, lol.

    I guess I’m torn. I like the comfort of my place because it’s a home court advantage and I can showcase my wifey potential (cooked food, clean home, etc) but on the other hand staying at his place and slipping into one of his white tees gives me the soft and pink fuzzies…hmmm. I’ll say my place…mainly because I’ll be damned if a mofo puts me out in the middle of the night.

    Great post…as usual!

  • trace

    La ha! One of life’s greatest conundrums to have, lol. Whatever can get me in and out at ease, works for me.

    And that’s in reference to his “His place” btw. lol

  • Shamira-Christine

    great post Jozen…i actually prefer the opposite for your very same reason! i’ve never run into someone who wasn’t gentleman enough for me to stay the whole night, but i like being able to leave at my own discretion…and isn’t it un-ladylike for a woman to have men in and out of her place?! (lol)

    great post!

  • Supergirl*thatswho.

    Ha! I never thought of this one. I always generally like going to his house. The obvious pluses are that I can leave whenever I want and less chance of being stalked. The REAL secret plus (that satisfies my underlying fear of commitment. lol) is that going to his place can provide me reasons *not* to see him again, i.e. messy ass place, raging redskins fan, roommate is hotter, etc.

  • thedlife

    Touche…I never thought of the reverse stalker situation. And ladies you know…men are even crazier on the stalker tip than we can be, smh

    And I’m sooo mad at the “roommate is hotter” comment, lol.

  • Nadine

    I’d rather be at my place. Why? I don’t want to do the walk of shame in the AM. Even if it’s your dude, people look at you like… “oh, this floozy stayed the night and put out”. And boy do I hate that look.

  • Malaca Jones

    When I was single, I would rather his place for stalker reasons. I lived alone so that was always on my mind. I could leave when I wanted to but what happens if you need to exit stage left and the person doesn’t want you to leave? I had an akward experience and switched to hotel only!

    I’m not mad at the roommate is hotter, that is hella funny!

    I never thought about the walk of shame thing…

    I am OC so the dirt/funk thing would call the whole thing off!!!

    I like your blogs. They are hella funny, interesting, and thought provoking. Keep up the good work.

  • The Lioness

    My question is why aren’t you bringing the condoms with you instead of worrying about what she has? Be prepared.

  • Spanky

    I like to get it in where I can fit it in, whether his place or mine, but if you’re asking for my preference …it’s his. I always want a man at his A+ game (home-field-advantage) and for pretty much the same reasons given above. I’m personally sexually uninhibited at his place and I don’t have to worry about my neighbors judging me when the “some body rockin, knockin da bootst” slow jam mix tape comes on.

    However if the party goes down at my place (unlike men, I don’t have to be chivalrous), I have no problem asking him to leave.

    I’m really enjoying your blog Jozen.

  • Chuck

    Dude.. Rather just come to the crib. For all purpose sake, I’d rather not have to be in the same clothes as the nite before, and just more comfortable at my own spot. If she gets annoying, just act like you got something to do and she’ll understand.. aint that hard..

  • Malaca Jones

    Word! Lol. Jozen please keep the blogs going!

  • Ansel

    Her place is always best! But why are you relying on her for condoms? Carry your own! Women tend to make bad condom decisions. If you rely on a woman there’s a good chance you’ll end up with some Durex’s. We all know that they are tight as hell and have a propensity to break. 🙁

  • Tia

    I rather for a male to come to my place. 9/10 X the women place is always cozy. A man know also know when it’s time to leave vs when a women go to the man place and if he knock her down right she never wants to leave. Next thing you know a women wants to start moving her things in…I rather a man come handle his business and bouce and leave me in the comfort of my own bed.

  • Ebony

    Thanks for the Durex tip Ansel. I had no idea. What are some brands men prefer?

    I prefer my house for reasons of comfort. I know food is in the fridge, the heat is on, the sheets are clean, and the candles and incense are burning. And when I’m confortable, I’m better in bed. My experience has shown be that the average man, doesn’t keep house as well as the average female. Either there’s no toilet tissue, no clean wash clothes, or the stench of gym shoes in the air. There’s also the temptation to search he’s things for evidence of other lovers or lies about his personal life. But there is something about the change of scenery that does get my juiceds flowing. I actually like when I go to a guy’s house and he has cool roomates there. It’s something of an aphrodisiac to be the only female in a house full of attractive mens, if you know what I mean….;)

  • Dawn

    I happen to like those coloured condoms from Planned Parenthood. Lucky for you I just gave away my whole stash.

    I don’t like men to violate my personal space but I have been known to let a lucky few into my zone.

    On the other hand. I don’t like feeling like I’ve been kicked out of a guy’s place. for me it’s a sign of house genuine he is and if the vibe is wrong afterwards then I’m not coming back.

  • Bhronda

    If you’re not sure you want the person to know your address, you probably shouldn’t do “the grown-up” with that person.

  • Kay

    Brhonda I co-sign that 100%..Dam does everyone hoe it up that much and that often?