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Foodie Calls

September 18th, 2009 Leave a comment Go to comments

A few weeks ago, I was sitting in a coffee shop on a lazy Sunday afternoon, when out of nowhere a female friend of mine hit me up on Instant Messenger.

Female Friend: Whatchu doing

Me: Writing

Female Friend: How long are you going to be?

Me: I don’t know. Why?

Female Friend: Me and my girl are making some crab legs with Mac n’ Cheese. If you’d like, you can come over.

Me: Hell yeah. What time?

Female Friend: Umm, we’re still cooking, everything should be ready in like two hours.

Me: Cool. I’ll be there.

Female Friend: See you then

My God, I thought. This is better than getting invited over for sex.

What I would like these days, more than a woman to invite me over for sex is a woman to invite me over for a good meal. One that she made. Just for me. Sort of like my friend did a few weeks ago.

I want to get a phone call, at like 6:00 p.m. Not 11:00 p.m. I want the person’s voice on the other end of the phone to be a woman. I want her to say, “Hey, what are you doing right now?” When I say, “Umm, nothing. Chilling. Watching SportsCenter.” I want her to say, “You hungry?”And when I say, “Yeah, I was actually about to eat right now.” I want her to say, “Don’t. Come over. I’m cooking dinner.”

Now that right there is sexy.

To be clear, I still covet the random, out-of-nowhere booty call. Love them, as a matter of fact. So this is not to say the booty calls should stop. They should keep coming.

I repeat. The booty calls should keep coming.

But a phone call to cook for me? A foodie call? If you ask me, women aren’t doing this enough.

There needs to be balance. If a woman is down to share her body with me, she should be down to share a  cooked meal with me. And forget that rhetoric about how cooking is something reserved for boyfriends. Technically, so is sex. So why can’t I have both?

Most men would still prefer the booty call over the foodie call, but for me, most booty calls I receive nowadays get the Ignore button. Why? Because I’m hungry. A foodie call on the other hand, will not only be picked up on the first ring, but before she hangs up, I will be sitting at her table, fork and knife in hand. We can have sex for dessert.

Categories: s#x, things a woman should do, women Tags:
  • Melissa Danielle

    So, um, where do you live? 🙂

    I’m always looking for someone to cook for…

    I feel validated now.

  • Jackie

    The good ol foodie calls,I have made those in my day. I love to cook.

  • a.l.m.

    First off, let me say I enjoy your blog. And I’m right there with you about a woman who can cook. I’m a cook myself and do most of the heavy lifting in the kitchen when I’m at my girl’s.

    Men are the best chefs. (Sorry if that’s sexist, ladies. Look at the food industry.) But let me qualify that by saying, having a Platonic or romantic friend who can cook is one of the biggest turn-ons. And I’m not talking about a girl who can fry up a greasy mess. I mean a well thought out, light on the body, I’m still in the mood to have sex after, meal.

    Again, Jozen, I’m a new fan of the blog. (But here come the P.S.A.) Bruh, I hope you are regularly getting checked for STIs. Sounds like you are more sexually active than some porn stars. I can appreciate honesty about ones sex life, just as long as one is including the most important part: health. You’ve talked about condoms plenty, so we at least know you use them.

    Do your thang, bruh. I’m not hatin’. In fact, glad that you have such an exciting love life. You’re having enough fun for the rest of us.


  • Humbly Beautiful

    I love the fact that you call them foodie calls. Women still do cook.

  • m.p.

    food flirting is what’s hot these days? .. yikes

  • Tia

    I am with you M.P. I am in the middle with this. Dont get me wrong. I love to cook and I could be that housewife I need to be once that time come. I am not slaving over no stove when I could ACTUALLY be getting slaid. Did I just say that? Oh have I changed. So to him I say don’t forget to bring a bottle, protection and of course a meal. And I will holla at YOU again when I get hungry.

  • B.Dot

    A foodie call? *rubs chin* i like. hope it comes with a doggie bag.

  • DJ

    Please write a book!

  • Leah

    Did you really just give a P.S.A.? Wow. “Thanks, Mom!” *lol*

    On topic though, I love this post.

  • Felicity

    I have stumbled upon your blog & love it. And I agree, what’s wrong with a woman serving a man up some of her cooking skills & then having sex later for dessert? 100%, if she is willing to share her body with you, what’s a meal? I prefer baking to cooking, but still, there is something very sexy & feminine to me about baking and so sex & baking seems to go hand in hand any way. I hope you find footy’s, that is a booty call & foodie all in one.

  • http://NA DEX

    Feeding someone should be a gesture that is difficult to distort into something perverted or seedy. The feeling of “trust and comfort” is attractive. But, more importantly, cooking is something that the phrase “a woman’s touch” can still be associated with. Cooking is an art that leaves a unique signature that distinguishes the cook from all others. For men, “a woman’s touch” is not just a physical pleasure. It embodies many feminine features for which there is no substitution.

  • t.h.

    Wow…well it’s like the old saying goes, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”

    I have just discovered your blog and I must say for the few entries I have read, I have thoroughly enjoyed.

    “Foodie calls,” I love it.

    Can’t wait to read your next entry.


  • WriteAtCha

    This is very interesting…

    Some time ago, after my move from Harlem-to-California, I met a guy on a phone date through my friend/financial advisor and his colleague. We talked exclusively for 2 weeks — we knew of what the other looked like. He had seen my headshot and I was told he looked like a baby Shaq. When our calendars were finally synchronized and we decided to meet, it was one of the most stressful days of the year for a bachelorette –Valentine’s Day. He simply said almost as a directive, “You’ll cook. I’ll bring the liquor. And you’ll wear a dress.” At first I thought it was rather bold of him to act like he was running the show but truthfully it was kind of sexy to hear his words, cool matter-of-fact tone, and interest in my ability to please his eyes as well as his stomach. I was challenged to rock it and I did the damn thing to the fullest…

    Time has zoomed and wiggled by and this December will mark our 11th year of marriage.

    Now we give each other “foodie calls” on the regular.

    (formerly a resident of 146th Street between 7th & 8th Avenues)

  • Jessica

    I think a foodie call is what got my then boyfriend to be my now husband 😉

  • Mickey

    Having read your article regarding Jay Z I could not agree more. However, we are all americans. THe racist and very biased look at marriage needs a re thinking.

    Marriage has lost it’s priority. All cultures are struggling with this. You avoided “mixed” marriages. Too bad, it sends a messasge also. Jay should be encouraged to write about the “M” word because he has transfixed more than one generation of MULTI racial groups. We, as AMERICANS need to embrace marriage, motherhood, father hood and the specialness of child rearing. Our generations are our future. Personnally I think the Media has sensationalized single life and made a mockery of marriage and exalted the concept of ” I ” an ego driven, self centered life that is without purpose is simply not worth living. Perhaps YOU can make a difference with the poeple you can influence, those around you. Be the change you would like to see in the world. FINDING the right person is not nearly as important as BEING the right person.

  • Cassandra

    While I can understand these chronicles are about your bachelor life in NY, I beg to ask the question what are you teaching young men. I know everything is not meant to be taken on a serious note but we must be mindful what we put in print for our young men to read. In one breath you write an article about your disappointment that Jay-Z did not write a rap about marriage and in this blog you write about your abundance of booty calls. I get it that you would rather have foodie calls instead but I think you conveyed too many times about the number of booty calls you receive. Now you can put a spin on it anyway you would like, but if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck then its a duck! Let’s try to write about ourselves in a positive light instead of the predictable light that is expected.

  • KGalloway

    I have to agree with you. I pride myself on cooking for a man. I think it is a great first date. The sex will come later but let me know you enjoy my cooking. You don’t always have to wait for me call and say “Hey I’m cooking”. If we are cool like that and you say your are hungry, in the kitchen I will go and hook something up for you. And if the cooking is done right, the foodie call will also become a bootie call. As you said, sex is a great dessert!

  • Nic-nic

    I am brand new to your site, having just read your article on about why “Jay-Z Should Rap About Marriage” (a well written piece and excellent idea, if I do say so myself).

    Wanting to read more of your work, I was very glad to see the link to your blog. About two-thirds through reading this entry, however, I found myself having a Janet Jackson moment as I began to wonder, “Gee, what has he done for THEM lately?” I mean, you speak about wanting a “balance” in how your need (for food) and desire (for sex) should be satisfied equally, and yet you give no example nor suggestion about what you “bring to the table.”

    I will remain open-minded as I read through your other entries because I’m hopeful there will be some “balance” in your perspective… after all, I certainly liked the article that brought me here.

  • LeRoy

    Who doesn’t love crab legs and mac and cheese. These days a brother would be jeered to receive a PB&J call. FL women, I don’t know what they do.

  • Trauma

    Thank you! you told him right, his mama should have showed him around the kitchen. Then he wouldn’t need a foodie call. He would be inviting his booty call for dinner. “How sexy is that!”

  • Yogee

    This foodie call thing is a fresh, new perspective on how/what a woman should do to snag a man. I can appreciate the slant on advice to the single women (presumably miserable while single). I am married, but still watching from the sidelines and getting a kick out of the game.

    I understand the point of this particular blog, I really do. I also understand that all of the social inequities will not be addressed or solved in the space of one blog session. Here’s what strikes me: the idea that men are commodities and that women should bend, mold, and groom themselves to be competitive enough to win a man’s heart (or some attention in the very least). Here’s what I wonder: will there ever be a time when women can feel and be valued on their own terms? That is, not having to be a certain body size, not having to have a certain skin tone, hair length, butt size, bedroom skills and cooking skills included?

    With all respect Jozen, any one of the bootie call women in your life could be your soul mate if maybe you didn’t feel like you were the prize. It’s not your fault that you feel you’re the prize because most single men apparently feel the same way. Music, television, magazines and daily life seems to perpetuate the idea that having a man (and eventual marriage) is the goal. I’d just like to see that either equalize or flip-flop altogether.

    Allow women to feel some of that glory, it must be nice?

    (thanks for letting me participate)

  • Yogee

    Giving Nic-nic a virtual fist bump on that….

  • Big Willie Styl

    It’s about time for us as a(black) race to began to look at each differently, rather than looking to conquer another person, be it male or female just to say “I hit that” to having someone as a special friend, not another F— body. Im just starting my second marraige, my first wife passed away from breast cancer. The great part about it is I never cheated on either one of them an I want to keep it that way. So when I write my book maybe it will inspire other black men to look at themselves an our black sisters differently.

  • Ms. S

    Excuse me, Mr. Foodie, I personally do not have a problem with feeding a man. I just would like that action to be reciprocated. The next time I get a phone call or an invite, dinner should b waiting for me. All I hear is, “I can’t cook.” Well, u can read can’t u? U can read all the text messages I send, so y don’t u take one of the 3 R’s in elementary school learning and open a cookbook and apply it to your stove.
    (Most)Men seem to lack the ability to try. Try, damn. I am a woman who doesn’t have a problem with booty calls, I actually love them because I prefer to sleep alone in my bed. But don’t get it twisted, if I am just a booty call, I’ll b damned if I’m laying out my culinary skills on a white table cloth for a man who fits that description for me. I don’t reserve my cooking only for a boyfriend. A friend can get it as well. But, most men’s perception of friendship is tainted anyway. Their idea of friendship is measured by how wide I can open my legs and how often. So stop with the age old bullshit line about “being friends” or “getting to know me” because that’s not what u really want to do.

  • Tee’s thoughts

    I just want to say that I loved your article published in the Root entitled “Jay-Z Should Rap About Marriage”. I’m not an extreme person that feels like Black artists or professional athletes are solely responsible for inspiring the entire population of Black youth. However, I’m with you, some assistance in this area like from someone Jay-Z would certainly be powerful. I think in general a great deal of people don’t understand or acknowledge the impact of having strong, positive, loving marriages in our community. I will confess it wasn’t always such a pressing thought in my head either. Overall, I understood that strong marriages are positive and kids that grew up in those environments were lucky. But because when I was growing up so many of my friends lived in single parent households it was the norm. It wasn’t until I took a position at the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services and worked on the agency’s Healthy Marriage Initiative did I have develop a more profound view on the issue.
    Initially, I thought to myself this is some crazy conservative rhetoric. However, after reviewing some of the research data on marriage and outcomes for children I understood that I had to separate the message from the messenger. For example, before that point I wasn’t aware that 69% of Black children grow up in single family households. I’m in no way suggesting that there is anything wrong with single parents. In fact I give praise to them but in general raising children on any planet will have better outcomes if you have two committed, strong parents in a loving marriage.
    Interestingly, on the subject of rappers and marriage while I was at HHS the Department sponsored a Hip Hop Marriage Conference. While it was a good effort to accomplish just what you are speaking of in your article, the planning office was constrained by political reality. That being the Bush Administration wasn’t going to associate themselves with an artist like Jay-Z. Even if it meant that millions of youth might be influenced to change their views and thoughts on marriage. I am sure the Administration feared that such an alliance would be too unpredictable. There were a few older rappers who participated on the panel sessions but none that would have had the influence of Jay-Z. So in closing, I’m sure if someone like Jay-Z would support a movement to change hearts and minds of our youth about Black love and marriage they would make a priceless contribution to the progress of our community. Go easy- first time blogger .

  • La

    This is the issue that I have w/this “foodie” call. Okay. So your friend calls you and welcomes you to a meal. No problem. Have there been other women who have done the same thing, and showed interest in you? Black women have the DNA of being supportive, loyal, and courageous to our men. That is a given fact and truth. Brothas will have 5 women, all who possess the DNA gene and still not satisfied or ready to commit. By this woman cooking for you, what are you showing her and bringing to her besides an appetite? Jay-Z doesn’t need to rap about an area in his life that he holds sacred. Even if he did, what would that change. Marriage and commitment is about growth, honesty, transparency, and maturity. For one to enter into these gates means one is ready to be open, honest, and transparent with his/her life partner. Thru the good, bad, and ugly.
    Im not male bashing, hating, or anything. Women must stop giving men our power and tryin to prove ourselves when a man already knows from the instant what he’s working with. Men need to stop this russian roulette game of “I’m just kicking it. I’m dating, but not in a relationship.” What the hell is that? You get all the perks and benefits of a relationship, but you don’t want to commit. It’s time to stop playing ourselves, and start looking at the person in the mirror. Bottom line: If you’re not ready to be in a committed relationship, then stop receiving the benefits of one without strings…

  • http://n/a J.Barber

    Well I will start off by saying that I like what you said in the piece on marriage,about influence on the brothers who listen to Jay-z’s music,and I do beleive that he could influence a whole lot of people in many ways,but I also just read what you have written in concern of the “foodie call” very catchy I may add. That message you are sending seams a little confusing,how on one hand you seam to want marriage but want to indulge in pre-marrital sex.The success rate of a relationship ever prospering pass bootie calls,foodie calls,or even dating can’t start there.It has to start with a commitment to GOD.Then a commitment that you want mess the relationship up with sex it confuses everything.You want benefits of marriage without being hired,and this includes foodie calls.See if you were married to that woman you want have wait on a call you’ll already be there.No hate,I had to learn this to. From One Brotha to the next.

  • akreporter

    Ok – I was with you on the Jay-Z article, I can even appreciate a man who can appreciate a good meal (I THROW DOWN in the kitchen – if I do say so myself). It is quite possible (likely even) that may have contributed to my getting my (black) man to the altar at age 21 after a year or so of dating with no babies and none on the way, BUT I’m not sure that I am diggin the message.

    I have to say that while women share in the responsibility of what dating has come to these days, (namely in what they have given up) I think it sends yet another message that women should do EVEN MORE for men than they already do while getting nothing more in return. How is that supposed to make women feel about themselves and how is that going to help the situation if they are now expected to give it up for a man in the kitchen AND in the bedroom and for what from him in return? Some company? PLEASE. It’s bad enough that women are out there spreading their legs and putting themselves at risk for men that give two sh*ts about them, and even worse living with them and taking care of them without the respect or commitment of marriage but now you think booty calls deserve cooked meals too?

    Cooking is about the only thing modern women have left TO reserve for husbands and boyfriends these days and about the only thing those husbands or boyfriends have to look forward to that they DON’T already get before hand. Start giving it away to the random dude (no offense – but if you don’t put a ring on it than that’s pretty much what you are) then what special thing do you have left to give the one you truly love and where is the motivation to move up in relationship status?

    The problem with men and women these days is not that women don’t give enough, on the contrary we give entirely too much and in return we get entirely too little. Thank GOD I am not single, but if I were you can believe that my booty, my home and ESPECIALLY my Chicken Marsala would be reserved for a man who actually meant something to me and one who would be just as quick to take me out, cook for ME, and help me out . . . not just someone who would eat, hit and run.

    So my advice to you if you are wanting more “foodie calls,” would be to A) learn how to cook yourself or B) Find a nice girl who knows how to cook and then BE with her. But expecting just a casual friend to make your meals . . . that’s off the chain, Pimp and here’s a clue: If she’s willing to do that then she probably wants to me more than a casual friend, so if that’s all she means to you then say no, buy yourself a hamburger and let her spend her time and skills on someone who deserves it.

  • akreporter

    Couldn’t agree more lady. Big ups for sure, and for REAL. YOU need a blog! I’d subscribe!

  • MissBridge

    love this post. thats all.

  • Tia

    Your actually right La.

  • Jackie

    If a man can’t cook he better make reservations!

  • Nitha

    I’m with La. I love to cook, don’t mind doing it, but what am I getting in exchange for filling your belly and draining your nuts?

  • Jolie Fatale


  • hellifiknow

    someone forwarded this blog to me…and i couldn’t agree with you more…but he’s young yet….

    also, wanted to point out that when you are in a casual relationship with a man, they don’t always want you to cook for them. that speaks of a certain intimacy and not every man is interested in that. so maybe it’s best reserved for strictly platonic friends.

    i’d love a man who would cook for me….

  • Alano


  • Delishia

    Great post and again love the commnts…man Jozen you really stirred the crowd up with this one! Lol. Where is this Jay Z article?

  • Hill Rat

    @Ms. S said:
    I just would like that action to be reciprocated . . . All I hear is, “I can’t cook.”

    Ms. S is correct, making the “foodie call” should be a two-way street. Even if you don’t have any skill in the kitchen, making your own effort is what’s important.

  • Miss Journey

    I thoroughly enjoyed this post. As a girl who loves to eat, I have to agree with Ms. S. “I just would like that action to be reciprocated.” I would LOVE for a foodie call! I think a movement should be started…

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  • Anonymous

    I knew there was a reason I kept your blog on my to-read list. It’s taken me quite a few months to get around to it, but I’m cracking up and loving it.