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Five Signs I'm Hanging Out With Her Too Much

November 17th, 2009 Leave a comment Go to comments

If there is one thing I give women credit for, it is their ability to change me in the most subtle ways. Many women assume I’m always trying to keep some space between us because I would rather be doing something else like hanging out with my boys, watching the game, but such logic merely scratches the surface.

The reason I try to maintain some space between a woman I’m dating is because I know, at some point, some of her pleasures and habits are going to become mine, even if it isn’t by design. Sure I want to take part in things she enjoys, but immerse myself in them nearly to the point of embarrassment? Only by accident.

To avoid such accidents, I do my best to retread a little. The question is how do I know when it’s time to do such a thing? Usually, the five things below are a good sign.

My Natural Smell Starts To Have Faint Undertones of Secret Deodorant

Whenever I start bringing my stuff over to a woman’s place, I know it’s a serious thing we have going on, so to keep things light and casual, I’ll often just come with the clothes on my back and worry about washing up when I leave the next day. But what sometimes happens is I never make it home the next day, and have to take a shower at the woman’s place before we grab a bite or something like that.

I get my wash on, my dry on, my teeth brushing on with some tooth paste on the index finger. But deodorant? There’s no substitute for that, so I resort to using the brand strong enough for me, and when I say strong, I do mean strong. Whenever I have to use a woman’s bottle of Secret deodorant, the smell stays on me all day, which is what it’s supposed to do. The problem is I swear everyone else can smell it too.

We Both Start To Refer To Her Place As Home

She can call her place her home all she wants, it’s her place, but once she starts or I start referring to her place as my home without any hesitation, I know we’ve gone too far.

Many people think this would never happen to them, but it’s a minor case of misspeaking and people need to watch out for it because what it indicates is boundaries are slowly being crossed. Whenever a woman asks me, “Are you on your way home tonight?” and I know she meant her home not mine, I always clarify by saying, “Naw, I was thinking about coming to your place though.”

I Start To Enjoy The Same Snacks She Enjoys When I’m By Myself

Look, I don’t date women who have weight issues, but every once in a while, I end up dating someone who thinks she does. As a result, I’m housing 100 Calorie Oreo Snack Packs and washing it down with some diet soda like I’m a 10-year-old at a pizza party because that’s all she has at her place. A taste for these treats starts to develop over time, and the next thing I know, I’m in the supermarket throwing boxes of 100 Calorie Snack Packs and 2-liters of Coke Zero in my shopping cart.

I Know Everything Going On With Real Housewives and Nothing In Sports

This one sneaks up on me all the time.

I’m at her place, more than my place, and rarely paying attention to what’s on the screen. Over time, I fail to notice I haven’t seen a game in any sport for a week straight but what I have seen a lot of is some Real Housewives marathons.

Used to be I could make a sound argument as to why Kobe Bryant is better than LeBron James, but ever since I started dating whats-her-name, the only good arguments I can produce is which season of Real Housewives was better, Atlanta or New Jersey. My vote is for Atlanta, but why do I even have an opinion?

I Always Make Sure To Put The Toilet Seat Down…On My Own Toilet!

If there is one thing I have learned about women it is this: No matter how clean or dirty the rest of their apartment is, they are all sticklers for keeping the toilet seat down, and rightfully so. No matter what they’re using it for, a toilet seat must be down, which is why I always do my best to remember to do so whenever I use their bathroom. This is just me being a decent man and remembering proper etiquette. Nothing wrong with that. But when I start asking my boys, “Hey dog, did you put the seat down” after they’re finished using my bathroom or curse myself for not doing so, I know the ways of the woman have infiltrated my system. What kind of man stresses over someone not putting his toilet seat down? Well, if I’m hanging out with a woman too much, it’s usually a man like me.

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  • mstryst

    definitely can relate to the deodorant, and well soap for that matter too! When I, as a lady, have to use the male version of dial, zest, or suave body wash. I feel like I smell like a man. On the other hand, i think of it as a very nice reminder of the night/morning before and will have a big smile on my face for the duration of the day.

  • Danielle D

    Seriously this happens to me…I start getting all of HIS good/bad habits. Like my current Boyfriend is from Mississippi so clearly he sounds southern and my mom says that I am starting to say things like him. I don’t think I am, I think she is just focusing more on it. And if it wasn’t for my EX I would have NEVER watched Family Guy. I thought the idea of another adult cartoon was dumb (I don’t watch the simpsons or southpark) until I watched it and found it was funny as hell. Whats funny is it doesn’t seem like they take anything from me. My ex started watching House because of me but other than that nothing…well I guess they do use some of my phrases. Somethings I think you fall into because you have no choice. Like with the Secret Deoderant…you had no choice, well I would have used lotion or soap (there are ways to take care of that for a short period of time) if your Boy/girl friend eats junkfood and you are at their place…looks like you eating junk food. My Boyfriend love freezepops…we been eating boxes of freezepops in just days like it 100 degrees out and we’re 5 years old. I guess this is just what happens when your in a relationship. You just can’t lose YOURSELF in a relationship cause then you will be really messed up. Especially if it doesn’t work.

  • Dililah

    So you went from “We Were Together for Two Weeks” to “Five Signs I’m Hanging Out with Her Too Much.” The details in a two week frolic that help make your picture stand out, to distancing yourself from a woman because you find yourself potentially entering the vicinity of relationship territory.

    Dude, for real, your blog has become like a soap opera/sitcom to me. It has the potential to become the male version of Sex and City with a twist of Entourage, but lacks a consistent storyline.

    You definitely are a mix of Vince and E, but hard to say which of the ladies you represent most. Of course it would be easy to say you’re Carrie for the mere fact of the profession, but not sure if you are more of a Miranda. I think Samantha is a bit too much for you, but I also think you are too much to be Charlotte although you do show traces of her every now and then. Hmmm…

  • BoomShots

    Dawg,your like one of those chicks who immerse themselves in everything the latest guy they are dating is into. Maybe I am the outlier here but I cannot relate and I have been doing the damn thing for a good long time. It is a major turn-off for me in the women I have dated and I can’t see myself being such a changeling.

    1. Get yourself a travel pack of hygeine products(toothbrush, deodorant, even soap).
    2. Get out from under her, make your spot invitable and the the only time you will both be referring to the spot as home is when you both reside there.
    3. Stop being a mooch and buy your own snacks. One of the fastest way to get on a person’s nerves is to start mooching their snacks. After the first couple of times at her place, you do know you will want something to munch on, stop at the grocery store one day.
    4. Dating someone is not WP (Witness Protection) you don’t have to take on a whole new identity. I think they were attracted to who you were when they met not the new clone you are transforming into.
    5. I have never gotten the whole controversy about the toilet seat been up or down and I have never had a conflict with a woman about it. I avoid it by closing the toilet lid at all times. That is my default. So any one who comes to my place will find the lid down at all times. I figured they put a lid on there for that particular reason.

    Fellas it is the 21st century, you all got to be more together with your stuff. I know the ladies are tired of your borderline trifling ways and seeming helplessness. I know I would be.

  • Dana

    Hillarious! I needed the laugh. Good job. The comments are almost as great as the post.

  • WendyK

    Great analogy. I was thining the samething as I read this latest post. He’s a total Eric, but more of a Carrie/Samantha-mix. It’s been entertaining witnessing the maturation of his writing and his journey to finding himself (and the perfect gal).

  • WendyK

    BoomShots…you just turned me on. Thank you.

  • Madeleine

    This post is absolutely the sweetest thing.

  • Val

    I love it! Don’t think #3’s so bad though! 😉

  • Freida

    Loved this one…All apply except # 4 because I actually watched sports about as much as he did…and # 5, his mama taught him that one. And it works in reverse as well. Like when me and my guy first started seeing each other, he would only eat at reataurants that served breakfast all day because he said he never knew what he wanted and he might want breakfast. So now those are the kinds of places I look for when I go out with anyone. Or how he likes ground beef on his pizza and I previously only ordered pepperoni, now i order ground beef, even when I’m not with him. I don’t think its about changing or becoming less of who you are..its about adapting and broadening your horizons. But I can still see where a guy, who isn’t sure about this whole relationship thing, would take it to mean you’re spending too much time together. That is just a manifestation of your own delusional insecurity.

  • Teach It

    So you go from two week “relationships” to now you’re hanging out with her too much? What exactly do you want? I don’t think you know. Your entries are becoming flighty and there’s not enough substance to hold them down.

  • LS

    co-sign. You’re too good to be writing like this!

  • nicolaspeaks

    I disagree. The blog is about relationships. Period. And the way in which he shares them (“flighty” as you say) actually reflect how they play out in real life. I mean, we all know relationships vary. Some are long term, some are short. Some rate high while others low. But one thing’s for sure… consistent they ain’t!

    I liken his stories to episodes of a sitcom, not a soap opera. I don’t “tune in next time” on reruns of The Cosby Show or Seinfeld expecting to see a consistent storyline, so why should I expect it here? Nah, it’s just good fun, that’s all. Besides, sometimes it’s not about sharing what he wants inasmuch as it is about sharing the experiences he’s had. You ask a good question though. Does he know what he wants? Maybe not, but IF these stories are true I think what they DON’T say reveal more about him than what they do.

  • Skye Blue

    Loved this post!

    #4 hit me the hardest though. I’d be upset if I had an opinion Real Housewives too, and I’m not even a sports fan.

  • Leah J

    Nicolaspeaks? I <3 you.

  • Youngbuck

    Nice post. LOL… I do all of the above… thats why i will be engaged next month. None of these things are a problem once you get to the point im at. Good post made me chuckle, so real.

  • purp

    I know I’m late but this is too cute.

  • Anonymous

    lol, the last point especially made me laugh.