My title

On Laughing

December 21st, 2009 Leave a comment Go to comments

Last night, as I was getting into my bed, from the kitchen, I heard my mom laugh. Then, right behind her, my step-dad laughed too. They weren’t guffaws, the kinds of laughs that come from the gut, they were chuckles, stuttered, and through the teeth. One might even say, they were audible smiles.

It made my night, to hear those laughs, because, I honestly can’t remember hearing my mom ever laugh like that with any man. Well, any man besides her son of course. One time, when I was in the fourth grade, one of my homework assignments was to use the week’s list of spelling words in a story. And I don’t remember the exact combination of words I used in this one sentence of the story, but I do remember telling my mom the sentence, while we were driving in the car. I remember thinking it was funny when I wrote it so I wanted to share it with her and sure enough it made her laugh. I mean laugh, like, wiping-tears-from-her-eyes laugh. And that made me feel so good, to make my mom laugh so hard and I think it was then I kind of understood how important it is to make any woman I care about laugh.

If I were to ask the women I dated to list the reasons why they liked me so much, let my ability to make them laugh be in all of their top three. It’s important to me, because laughter is the sound happy makes, and I don’t only want to do it in public for everyone else to see, but in private too. Especially in private. When it’s just me and her acting as audience to each other.

When a joke has hit my woman right, and got her laughing to the point where whatever she was doing would have to wait until her laughing ceased, I never forget those jokes. The funniest jokes we tell to one another are like the greatest sex we have with one another. We don’t ever forget, and when we go back to that place in our heads, they stir up nothing but good feelings.

Men who want to stare angrily at the other men staring at their woman act as though their intensity will make men back off. But nothing says “back off” like a man making his woman laugh. No man will touch such a moment.

Things I will tell my son or any young man who asks me about love will include: Always try to be the funniest man she ever dated, and I don’t care if one of her ex-boyfriends is named Chris Rock or Eddie Murphy. Crack her up. But be careful because once a funny man, always a funny man, and if she’s not laughing like she used to it isn’t because you’re any less funny. At some point in the relationship, she had the schtick down pat, could see the jokes coming from a mile away, and still she laughed. So why did she stop? Why is she now rolling her eyes when you make a funny instead of showing her teeth? There’s something else wrong and you need to figure out what that is before giving up and going out with your boys to meet new girls who will laugh at your old jokes.

Because there is nothing more addictive than the sound of a woman’s laugh, whether it’s from our mom, our partner or the woman checking us out at the grocery store. Good laughs are like the great songs I hear on the radio, or a great quote I hear from someone else’s mouth, they stick. I never forget the good ones, the ones like I heard last night from my mother and my step-dad. They were the sound of happy.

  • sugarae215

    This is some REAL shit right here. Laughter is TRULY the best medicine (even if an ailment isn’t even present). It’s also at the TOP of my list of qualities I look for in a man: a KILLER sense of humor and the ability to make me laugh go SOOOOO far (and I enjoy returning the favor). EXCELLENT post!

    Oh, and I’m stealing this “laughter is the sound happy makes” (giving you credit of course…ok, I meant “borrow” lol)

  • Paige Worthy

    I was in tear-inducing laugh mode last night. The best sign of realness I can think of.

  • Realistically Speaking

    Reading this was so dope! And, I must say romantic! I love your writing because when I’m done reading I don’t just think “this was a great post”. There are at least 5 sentences running through my head that I will remember and randomly quote later. Those sentences make all the difference. Amazing. I especially loved this “laughter is the sound happy makes”. Beautiful.

  • Miss Kanani

    I agree with you. You have to make us laugh!

  • Whitney

    Laughter is good for the soul,a good laugh is just as good (if not better @ times) than sex…….

  • Ava

    I start missing my ex(s) the most when I think of something that we laughed at togwther or something that would make him laugh. Laughing is such an important part of any relationship–not just romantic ones. My closest friends are the ones that I get a GOOD laugh with anytime.

  • Bridget B.

    i agree with you. anytime people ask me what the best parts of marriage are, i always include the way that my husband and i are able to just be silly, crack each other up and laugh together. can’t beat it.

  • Cheekie


    This post made me smile. Which is actually, the next best thing to laughter. 😉 What a great post. So, so true…all of it.

  • Leah J


    That “audible smile” is what I refer to as a blush-giggle. It’s the type of laughter that occurs not just because something is funny, but it’s an intimate laugh full of emotion and appreciation for how well you get me. If you make me laugh so much that I have to hold my face down because it’s hurting so much, I’m done for. It’s great when you make each other laugh and have inside jokes that don’t require more than a word, a phrase or an acronym to evoke the feeling of that special thing just you two share. That thing that’s so deep that even if people understand the meaning of that acronym or phrase and they’re there when you use it, it’s still JUST between you and that person. I’m missing that something fierce right now.

  • MsSunshine

    Laughter is definitely the key to unlocking a persons soul!
    Even on a rough day if you can make him/her smile/laugh, life automatically gets better!

    Just wanted to say that i love this blog!
    Don’t usually comment but I read it all the time.
    This post was extremely sweet and true to heart and I couldn’t resist taking a moment to say I appreciate you sharing TRUTH with us on a daily!
    Your post made me think of my own parents and hearing them laugh and share special moments always makes me realize how much they love and appreciate each other.

    Keep up the good work!
    Keep making us all smile!!! :0)

  • Jamila J

    Sooo, true.

  • Alisha

    I love this! I can’t date a man unless he makes me laugh. I admit, even the guys who are on my “shitlist” still stir warm feelings inside when I think about jokes we shared. Laughter can go a long way. Glad you got to hear your mom’s laugh. We love to see the parental units happy.

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  • Capricorn

    A man who can make me laugh is worth his weight in gold. I mean laugh to the point of tears, holding your stomach, not being able to breathe and not being able to explain to others what made it so funny.

    I love it: audible smiles.

  • Boston617

    “audible Smiles” I will remember that phrase forever. Two little words that conveys so much. Thank you.

  • Nadirah

    I agree. I love it when a dude can consistently make me laugh. If you cant laugh together that means you cant have fun together and I believe that just because we’re adults that doesnt mean we have to be serious ALL the time.

  • Ashley

    Jozen, this post is excellent. Makes me think of the man/men I love who know how get the belly laugh out of me. It feels like love, especially after a long day. I agree, I absolutely love hearing my parents make each other laugh.

    Great post! Keep it up!

  • me-me


    i stopped laughing with an ex when i realized that the only time i was happy with him was when he was being mr funny man. no substance.

    it was like opening a bag a puffy, stuffed kettle cooked jalenpeno chips and realizing that its nothing in there and mostly filled with hot air.

  • lilisheree

    This just made my day! 🙂

  • Nicole

    “laughter is the sound happy makes” ….so true. Such a wonderful post. It brought back memories of my parents laughter. I hadn’t thought about that in a long time.

    Thank you so much!

  • Adrienne

    This is quite interesting and funny. It makes sense and I feel the same way as a woman w/ a great sense of humor. What’s funny is that the worst thought of mine about breaking up w/ a previous boyfriend was not that he would be out there free to date or sex any chick up, I hated the thought of him possibly having fun convos and laughing at another broads jokes! Ugh! Eww! lol.

  • hppynppy

    You still live @ home?

  • Christina

    I really like this post…

    I, too, value the roll of laughter in keeping a relationship fulfilling. I consistently pick no nonesense, serious- type brothers…

    Now I know why. It’s harder to make them laugh! And when I get them rolling??!!.. I’m like, “…my job here is done!”:-)

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