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Five Things That Make Me Want To Marry Her Instantly

December 22nd, 2009 Leave a comment Go to comments

This list is a lot different from the one I wrote a two months ago (“A Rather Odd List Of Things That Turn Me On“) because whereas the list of things that turn me on get my attention, this list of things get my heart. Theyhave more to do with her character and the type of woman she is, than what she does for me.

For example, in the post of odd list of things that turn me on, I say I love a woman who can make me a good taco, because I do. That is a turn on. But a woman who doesn’t know the first thing about making a good taco, so she calls my mom up to find out how she used to make tacos for me, then gives it a try herself…that woman has my heart.

So here it is: Five things that make me want to marry her instantly.


I don’t want a wedding either! Great! Let’s go to the Justice of the Peace, handle our business, and have the party to end all parties at a reception with friends.


A woman who is down to watch the game is a turn on, but a woman who has grown up loving the same football team I love will get me to the altar quicker than a quarterback can say, “HUT!” I dated a woman last year who was a huge Pittsburgh Steelers fan just like me and she still has a piece of my heart.


I hate roller coasters, absolutely deplore them as a matter of fact. There is no reason I want to go that high that fast all upside down and stuff. So it feels good to know the woman I’m dating will never be the type to drag me by my hand to some hair-raising contraption, talking about, “Oh come on, don’t be a baby!”


I’ve written at length about how frustrating it is to date someone whose sleep regimen is the polar opposite of my own, but I can’t stress how important this is. I truly do believe the woman who is meant for me is the woman who wants to be in bed by 12 a.m. and up by 6 a.m.


“Saw this article, and I thought you might find it interesting. Check it out and we can talk about it.”

I don’t remember what the article was about, but I do remember receiving this email from a woman I once dated and thinking how I would so marry her if it wasn’t for the fact that she went to bed all late and loved riding roller coasters.

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  • Alisha

    I’m about 3/5. I absolutely HATE rollercoasters. I’d love to tackle that feat, but it just ain’t gonna happen. My children will be sent off with their godparents or something when we go to the amusement park.

  • Charron

    If I didnt know any better I’d swear we knew each other!

  • Paige Worthy

    I knew we were doomed from the start. I’d send you articles till I was blue in the face, but friends can do that, too. And that’s…it.

  • Anger Management

    I’m with you on dating someone with similar sleeping patterns. I’m an early bird and the guy I was dating is a night owl. We could never do anything before 2pm because he was always sleeping in. It sucked majorly.

    Regarding rollercoasters, is it that you tried them and didn’t like them or you never got on them to begin with?

  • Sunni B

    I would think we were destined for each other if you didn’t want a Steelers fan!!! GO BROWNS!!!!

  • Whitney

    Are we soul mates?????????? LOL but what I find funny, you say you want a woman that likes football, that is great, I love to watch football, even though my team sucks right now, da bears 🙁 a lot of men say that, but when it comes time to watch a game they are w/their boys when there are a lot of single women that love to watch the game.

  • *inquiring mind*

    Am I the only one that finds this list ridiculous?… Jozen pull the trigger… ewwww- ok that was kinda harsh… I take that back- take a nap.

  • Teach It

    Okay…but something tells me you still wouldn’t take the step to marriage even if the woman had these qualities.

  • joleezy

    those were good ones…i was with you on the 1st and 2nd then i crapped out LMAO

  • SassyNoLA

    sometimes i feel that posts like these are meant to inspire groupie-love comments like the ones you’ve received to stroke your ego. come on- tell the truth. i won’t tell anyone. you just like the read comments from women convincing you that they stack up on your crazy lists, right? it’s at least part of the allure in writing posts like these… right?

  • *inquiring mind*

    I swear I had the EXACT same thought like 2-3 days ago…- Jozen cut the BS!

  • SassyNoLA–your comment IS exactamente what I am thinking.

    LMAO at women coppin’ hella pleas and throwing themselves at JC’s proverbial “chaste alter”.

    Truth be told, “cute and quirky” topical-David-Letterman-lists be damned–men are like vacant gypsy cabs and neon red glows emanating from Krispy Kreme signs–first woman in after the light goes bright receives the trip to the alter or a warm glazed doughnut OR in this case a homemade taco made during halftime of a Steelers game.

  • S

    I’m assuming this list is supposed to be funny. If so, I definitely laughed. If it’s serious, it’s a little self-absorbed for every charateristic to stem from preferences that are so specific to you.

  • lovin’ ya

    jozen, i have all all five of these qualities but I’m sneaky and a cheater. will you marry me? sounds like your priorities are in the wrong place. what do sleep patterns or sports preferences have to do with character (see your first paragraph)? if you ain’t serious and wanted a lil’ extra attention today just say so. keepin’ it real means that on our non-wedding day i’ll make you a pittsburgh steelers taco at 6am while forwarding you an article about the dangers of riding roller coasters.

  • Charron

    I think you may be taking this a bit too seriously…its a humurous post. And I think the comments are in the same vein.

  • Brittany

    The last line of this made me chuckle/I enjoyed. I’d like roller coasters if they didn’t make me sick, so you know, *that* sucks. Can you use html in these comments? Yes? No? Anyway totally disagree with the wedding part. If you’re actually serious then: ew. But I mean that’s a worry for you and yours, not me or mine. And if you *were* serious (which, I explained to you already about how half the time nobody can tell if you’ve even decided when you’re being serious or not) then I completely agree with “S.”

    That is all.


    Theres a number of reasons why I cant wait to marry her. but i think the ability to make me smile is the biggest one. Any one person can tell a joke and make u laugh and it doesnt mean a trip down the aisle is in order. But this one particular young lady who has my heart keeps me grinning. Aside from the fact that she’s an excellent cook, a greater listener, and a friend above all. Her knack of making me smile uncontrollably will ultimately give her last name

  • Teach It

    Yeah, I think Jozen likes the cyberspace panties being tossed to him.

  • Lilie

    though we’ve only hung out a few times, you seem to me like a man who knows what he wants. however, judging by your incessant lists of things you want in women, what you don’t, and all of the things we do wrong, i feel like you’d change completely dating a woman with similar qualities as you. You’d become a total square! Come on! Don’t we fall in love with another person because of what makes them different from us, from others. How can you learn from someone who is just like you.. Having things in common is good, like tastes in music, and you did have a point with sports.. Our likes and dislikes change overtime too; people get divorced. So, really i think it’s all about compromise. Loving someone enough you accept their little flaws and learn to love them because of how they make you smile, feel or how hard they make you come, not because they watch football.. you had to learn the sport at one point before you watched it like you do now. I’m positive someone who loves you enough will compromise for your BS too.

    i fuckin love roller coasters.

  • Leah J

    Okay, I feel the need to step in here and speak up against the idea that Jozen may be writing these lists as a way for women to clamor to be chosen and stroke his wee ego. I don’t think for a hot minute here that’s what his intention is because if it is, he fails miserably. This list would do the EXACT opposite for me. If anything, these lists are more “crib notes” for women to pretend to be what he wants which –based on my VERY limited knowledge– wouldn’t be what he truly wants.

    There is a downside to having a blog in which you share all your thoughts and feelings; they’re up for criticism and extreme dissection. And if the thoughts and feelings you present are genuine, folks will always question your motives because you have an audience. Just because you have an audience doesn’t mean you are playing to them or trying to play them. Many people have “crazy lists” but they should all be taken with a grain of salt. When I was in high school, I would say that I was attracted to men who had a “cro-magnon forehead.” In other words, his brow jutted out a little bit and his eyes were deep set. Is that what I always went for? No, but it was something I did find attractive and was in no way a requirement, yet it was something I would say. Again, a grain of salt.

    As a writer, you think and you say things, and sometimes they are things you feel in the moment, but they are not in anyway written in stone. In short: It’s really not that deep.

  • Christine

    SassyNoLA :sometimes i feel that posts like these are meant to inspire groupie-love comments like the ones you’ve received to stroke your ego. come on- tell the truth. i won’t tell anyone. you just like the read comments from women convincing you that they stack up on your crazy lists, right? it’s at least part of the allure in writing posts like these… right?

    SassyNoLA, do you have a blog…if you do, I want to read it…you are so right!
    Also, if someone really loves me…I mean really, really loves me, I don’t give a fuck when he sleeps…as long as when he is awake, he continues to love me.

  • Coretta

    Go SassyNoLA! From this Baton Rouge girl. LOL!

  • Ashley

    Everyone go back and take a look at Leah J’s comment. These lists are not set in stone, and this topic is not that deep. I have plenty of quirky things that turn me off and turn me on to men. I’m sure we all do. And if he wanted to get his ego stroked, there are plenty of other ways to do it.

  • Sunni B

    Hmmm….I see SOME people need to get over themselves. What man doesn’t want his ego stroked?!

  • SassyNoLA

    The groupie lovers come to the rescue. That’s actually kind of beautiful and poetic. Just kidding. Anyway, i think everyone took my comments a little too seriously. Just an observation, no judgment. It was a tongue-in-cheek comment for what I assumed to be a tongue-in-cheek post. In the future, if you see that blogs and comments are giving you heartburn, please step away from the computer and reevaluate. I understand getting heated on actual hot topics, controversies, issues, etc. but a list? Come now. I need everyone to have a coke and a smile. Happy holidays! lol.

  • checkmymelonie

    The claws come out when men blog. Damn.

    It’s only a computer screen and some words.

  • KM

    Hello Jozen,

    I hope all is well with you and your family.

    I wanted to comment concerning your list.

    You are missing one important thing about being in any relationship. A person have to love God and themselves first before they can love anyone else. Furthermore, in order for any relationship to be able to weather the storm, God has to be the foundation of that relationship.


  • *inquiring mind*

    D@mn dey gettin emotional ain’t they?… COSIGN… AGAIN!

  • Cristiana

    Steelers baby!