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I Never Stopped Caring

April 23rd, 2010

The rules are the rules.

No talking. No checking in. Maybe a holiday and a birthday, but never a phone call, only a text. There’s no Facebook. No Twitter. No online chatting. No emailing.

Day-to-day business, I don’t need to know. Week in, week out, what are you up to? None of my concern. The rules are the rules. I understand them. I follow them. But the other day, I was thinking, what if something big, good or bad, happens? Am I to know? Won’t you tell me?

Probably not and that’s fine. I understand. The rules. I remember.

But please remember this:

I still hope you’re doing well, and that is what I always assume, that you’re doing okay for yourself and you don’t need me for anything at all. But sometimes I wonder about you. What if you weren’t doing well, and things weren’t working out quite the way you planned, would you call me? Probably not.  I know there’s someone new and they’re the one getting the call when you need someone the most.

That’s fine. Let him have that, but hey, just so you know, I care too. Put me down on that list of people who give a damn when your life is changing in the most beautiful or most ugly ways. I want to know. Not because I’m nosy, but because I care.

I never stopped caring about you. I never stopped caring about, you know, your life. We just broke up and decided not to be each other’s other. We stopped working at it, but my heart never stopped working.

What I’m trying to say is…we never talk, but I still care. I need you to know that.

Yeah, I know, I said I missed you. But nobody’s talking about missing anybody today. That’s a fleeting feeling. It comes. It goes. It has nothing to do with what I’m writing today.

Today, I’m talking about caring and how I still do that thing for you. From the moment I started I never stopped. The caring never fled.

I care about you, and not just one you. All of you, who have ever been in my life long enough for me to care in the first place. I still care in this new place, the one that exists without you right by my side. I know we don’t talk anymore. I know we don’t text or email. I know…the rules.

I just needed you to know, all of you to know, I still care. I never stopped. And I sincerely hope, you never did either.

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  1. May 31st, 2010 at 11:47 | #1

    Thank you for saying that. I know I’m not the only person to feel, to care… but it’s nice to know I’m not the only person to feel, to care.

    I know I still care. I hope they do as well.

  2. Vionne
    July 30th, 2010 at 17:10 | #2

    Wow….you just tears to my eyes and memories to my mind. You are truly an outstanding brother with a wonderful and amazing way with words.

    I still care and often I find myself waiting for the day that I will no longer care. But finally I have realized that just because we stop doesn’t mean my heart stop.

    Thank you for helping me understand.

  3. Reflectngrowth
    November 22nd, 2010 at 17:38 | #3

    @ inquiring mind

    bitter much?

    no matter what you say on here today to justify your “no feelings” movement you’re still going to sound bitter.

    I get everyone is entitled to their opinion BUT keep in mind that at the end of the day we are all human. It’s okay to admit that we have feelings at the end of the day or that we care. This whole chics gotta act hard or think like men mentality that is plauging society today has got to stop. It’s truly ridiculous and not cute at all, in fact it makes us look weak. I’m not gonna put up some ridiculous “cold hearted” front like I havent ever thought about a past relationship/experience I regret….I’m human. As far as regret you’re also human so there is no way you have not ever messed with regret. (Who said anything about feeling sorry for themselves….maybe your experience with regret has to do w pitying yourself but that doesnt mean everyone else’s is….I regret…reflect…take a lesson from it and move on. It’s called growth.)The key is to not get stuck in the past or on that regret which by the looks of today’s post/comments doesnt seem like anyone is stuck on the past. (Maybe you cuz you sound like this post got in your feelings. I’m sorry if he never came back and told you he still cares lol)

    This was an absolutely great post Jozen. I commend you for being real about your true feelings from deep down inside alot of people live life too inhibited to be able to do so. Sometimes we just need to speak on things in moments where we reflect…..reflecting leads to growth and that is always healthy. I as I’m sure many of your readers are glad you chose to share this. Thanks!

    @inquiring mind

    make some inquiries on how not to sound so bitter. #thatisall

  4. SoUinquire
    November 22nd, 2010 at 17:57 | #4

    Keep in mind that other individuals will never share the same journey/process in life as you do. You should never question/down another individuals journey/process of growth. I took Jozen’s post today as a sort of testimony of his personal growth process and it takes alot of courage for anyone to share these kinds of truths with millions of readers.

    If you have not yet reached the level of maturity in your life where you are able to look back and reflect on your path, I am sorry for you but do wish you the best of luck. Without acknowledging the growth we achieve from reflecting on our past, we are bound to end up in repetitive situations. If acknowledging our feelings/emotions is a bunch of “bs” then I’ll take the “bs” and use it as my fertilzer and only grow stronger. You can follow suit. Or you can keep running from your emotions/growth and stay stunted.

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