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How I Roll With Married Men

April 30th, 2010

I don’t know if it’s apparent to anyone, but I’m not one of those men who dog marriage. I actually am a big fan of it; think it’s a beautiful thing, just not my thing for now. Do I think men who get married are absolutely crazy? Yes, but only in a good way. When a man decides to take those vows, I look at him the same way I look at the man who goes sky diving, in awe.

Having seen a couple of my closest friends take that next step, I have come to realize how beautiful matrimony can be and how hard it can be. It’s nothing easy, and none of my friends who have done it make it look that way. If anything, seeing them act as husbands is always a reminder that I should continue to take my time.

Sure, I’m as much of a man as any married man is, but I’m definitely nothing like them. And they are nothing like me, which is why, whenever I hang out with one of my married friends, we don’t roll like I roll with my friends who are not married.

The last time one of my married friends came out to visit me, I don’t think there was one night we were out past 12 a.m. Him and I kicked it hard, but not at the types of places I usually go to get my holler on. We were less like the crew from the movie Swingers and more like Red and Andy from Shawshank Redemption. We played pick-up basketball, went to a game, got barbecue, and got with some other people for low-stakes poker games. When we weren’t doing activities like these, we were just philosophizing on life, talking about the future, swapping stories and jokes.

To the outside observer, this might all seem like perfectly normal stuff that any man, married or not, would enjoy, and they would be correct. But there’s a different focus going on when I do these types of activities with my married friends, and my unmarried friends. With my unmarried friends, it’s all about the male bonding experience, just as it is with my married friends, but all the while with my unmarried friends, we’re keeping our eyes peeled for the next pretty face. It’s kind of like the difference between fishing for sport and fishing for fun. My married friends and I fish for sport. If we just so happen to catch a fish, we throw it back in the water. Now my unmarried friends and I? We fish for fun. If we catch something, we’re taking it home with us and mounting it.

The reason I do things differently between these two groups is not because I feel like my married friends cannot behave themselves around the opposite sex. I’m just not even curious to see if they can. I know if I go out with my married friends, he would make a great wing man. His status would make me appear as though I am the type of guy who is next in line and eager to follow in his foot steps, thus making me look more appealing to the opposite sex. But using a married man for the benefit of getting more women is like using a cheat code in a video game. It’s fun for the first five minutes and then it’s too easy.

I understand my efforts to keep my married friends may come off as extra and dramatic, but luckily, all my friends who are married never complain about the good time I show them when they come to visit me. They understand what I’m trying to do, that I don’t want to be labeled as an enabler. After all, I know most of my married friends, better than their own wives know them. My boy, their husband, back in the day, used to be an animal. When we used to go out, the night would include the kinds of things that keep men unmarried for years and years. But now, as much as he is my friend, he is a woman’s husband, and like any good friend would do for anything else in life, I’m going to help him be the best at that.

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  1. April 30th, 2010 at 08:13 | #1

    Absolutely love this post. 🙂

  2. April 30th, 2010 at 08:57 | #2

    All I know is I cooked more times (and more recepies) in one summer than Danielle has seen in five years! Love you brother, keep doing what you do, and maybe there will be a summer when I leave her and you return the favor. LOL

  3. April 30th, 2010 at 09:07 | #3

    This is right on point. I”m engaged and my boy who is married is coming in town this weekend. He asked where I was watching the Mayweather fight on Saturday, and I said I didn’t know. I had to choose between watching it at a club (women galore) or a house party (men galore with women peppered in). We’ll be house partying it up when that first bell rings.

  4. Top5WitnessProtection
    April 30th, 2010 at 11:20 | #4

    Good post… didnt know you played poker.. texas Hold’em…

    The Fish for Sport and Fish for Fun was a great quote…
    So was the andy and red reference…. great post…

  5. Miss. Riss
    April 30th, 2010 at 12:08 | #5

    Interesting post. Men definitely have to put a little more effort when hanging out with married friends than women do. And I respect the respect that you give them and thier marriage. I’m not married, but I am sure you’re the type of dude that married women don’t mind thier husbands hanging out with.

    But I will definitely not fall for that, “his boy is married, he must be ready to get married too ” sham anymore. LOL

  6. Sunni B
    April 30th, 2010 at 13:33 | #6

    “But now, as much as he is my friend, he is a woman’s husband, and like any good friend would do for anything else in life, I’m going to help him be the best at that.”

    Very chivalrous and respectable.

  7. **inquiring mind**
    April 30th, 2010 at 13:45 | #7

    “If we catch something, we’re taking it home with us and mounting it”- yum (no AmTrak- haha)

    Anyway… cute post

  8. Theryl
    April 30th, 2010 at 14:16 | #8

    Kudos to you for not only respecting your boys’ marriages, but also not treated them any differently because they are married!!! Yay Jozen!

  9. E-Dub
    April 30th, 2010 at 14:46 | #9

    “We fish for fun. If we catch something, we’re taking it home with us and mounting it.” ROFLMAO!!

    Nice. Women appreciate our men having homies like you.

  10. BoomShots
    April 30th, 2010 at 15:01 | #10

    My married friends, their wives actually want them to hang out with me.
    Why?
    Because they never ever had heard a distressing thing about me. When I hang out with them its like they are prisoners on work release they want to go buckwild and I am charged with reining them in.

  11. April 30th, 2010 at 16:42 | #11

    Definitely interesting that men take more of an interest in spending time with their boys. In or out of a relationship. Unfortunately, women tend to quickly get lost and only reach out for those friendships when something is going wrong. It’s nice to know how important maintaining the relationship is for you as well as how important maintaining their marriage is for you as well.

  12. lelechigyrl
    April 30th, 2010 at 18:09 | #12

    I loved this post. Really nice and refreshing!

  13. Deen
    April 30th, 2010 at 21:13 | #13

    “But now, as much as he is my friend, he is a woman’s husband, and like any good friend would do for anything else in life, I’m going to help him be the best at that.”

    That’s a really novel and mature view. I need to adopt this. Till now my policy has been to minimize my contact with married friends to avoid putting them in morally questionable situations, but there ought to be a way to enjoy an old friend’s company without getting anyone in trouble.

    Great stuff.

  14. Claire
    April 30th, 2010 at 23:19 | #14

    Glad that you respect the institution of marriage, not enough people do.

    But you can file this “His status would make me appear as though I am the type of guy who is next in line and eager to follow in his foot steps, thus making me look more appealing to the opposite sex” as another “Completely Ridiculous Thing I Used To Think About Women” cause it’s way off; having a married friend doesn’t make you more appealing because it doesn’t imply anything about you.

  15. Courtney
    May 1st, 2010 at 18:21 | #15

    Hey I just met you today near Habana!!! Great post…so truthful. Well done!

  16. Mimi
    May 1st, 2010 at 20:06 | #16

    Excellent post. More men need to understand this so more wives would be more encouraging of guy time.

  17. May 4th, 2010 at 10:22 | #17

    “If we catch something, we’re taking it home with us and mounting it” Way to objectify women. Awesome! Probably wasn’t the intent but had to comment on it, I wasn’t nearly as delighted as your other readers to see that.

  18. Anonymous
    July 2nd, 2011 at 21:19 | #18

    Good stuff. A lot of guys need friends like you. 

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