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Raise Your Hand If You Want A Fat Guy Because I’m Getting Fat

A girl I once dated said the reason men should be required to go to the gym is because women are required to do so much upkeep themselves. She said, “If I need to worry about my hair, nails, makeup, weight, clothes etc. The least a man can do is try and get some nice arms.” So I stopped dating her and instead found a girl who didn’t care about her makeup or a guy’s arms.

I’m kidding.

I actually felt like she had a point back when she told me this, back when I had decent arms. As I’ve mentioned before, there was a time when I worked out religiously in my own home and it was working. It was working so well, girls I slept with would actually compliment my body. And not “You have a nice frame” compliments. These were more like…well…one girl said to me, “I had no idea you had such a nice body.” So yeah, I was definitely doing the right thing.

Then, for whatever reason I stopped and I want to start again because all jokes aside, I’m getting older and I should take better care of my body. But before I get back down on my living room floor and make my first attempt in two years at 150 pushups and 150 crunches, I need to know something. Which one of you fine women like fat guys because I love Chipotle, and I would hate to give it up over some myth that fat men don’t get fine women.

Before anyone starts commenting and saying I should find a girl who loves me for me, let’s make one thing clear. Just because someone should love me for me doesn’t mean I don’t want to do what I have to do to get as many women as possible to notice me. I certainly don’t dress like  a man who doesn’t want women to notice him, so why would I treat my body any differently?

See, this is what happened. Recently, I was having a casual conversation with a very fine woman I know. This woman is super fine. She does Yoga. She works out. All this stuff, and then she hit me with this line in the conversation: “I like chubby guys.” What?!

I didn’t delve into it with her to find out why she likes guys who are chubby, but I said to myself, Wait, why should I start working out again if there are girls like this who actually like guys who have some love handles? If I can get a girl like that and still eat all the Chipotle I want, that’d be the best of both worlds. Right?

But then recently, I started digging this girl who goes to the gym three times a week and though she never expressed to me whether she likes a fit guy or not, there’s an unspoken rule to dating women who work out. That rule is, you have to work out too. Or at least try.

So now I’m over here stuck between a gym and a Chipotle, wondering which one I should walk into more often. I look at my body now and I think, it’s not so bad, but you know, it’s definitely not what it used to be. To give you all an idea of how different it actually is from the days when women were complimenting my body post-trysts, this is what a woman said to me after a more recent tryst: “What are these for?”

She was talking about a pair of weights I have that are sitting in my bedroom.

You see? Two years ago, women used to say, “You have such a nice body. You must work out.” Now they’re asking me why I own a pair of weights!

The other dilemma I’m dealing with is I don’t know how good I look as I get fatter. When women say they like chubby guys or guys with a belly, I think those types of guys have some charm to go along with their high cholesterol. Me on the other hand? My charm is more skinny guy charm (if I ever get as fat as I was skinny, maybe I can talk about the difference between both) because I used to be a skinny guy. So yeah, whether or not I wear my fat well is another issue I’m dealing with.

But now that I think about it, and I recall certain conversations I had with female friends of mine who ended up getting done dirty by some guy who had a gut, I think maybe it’s best if I cut back on the Chipotle. Every time some woman gets done wrong by a big guy, she always takes some low blow at him. She says, “Forget him and his man boobs!” And I always think, damn, that’s low, then I go into the bathroom mirror and make sure I don’t have man boobs myself (I don’t).

So yeah, I think I’m just going to start doing these pushups again because even though I did the girl who complimented me on my body wrong, I know she didn’t go back and talk about some man boobs. She was probably like, “Oooh, I hate Jozen. He’s such a jerk with a nice body.”

Yeah, let me be that guy. Glad we had this talk.

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  • mimi

    And, just to second what a lot of girls have already said here, swagger (i.e., confidence) goes a long way and counts for more than anything.

  • Dash

    @Mr. A
    *DEAD* “mammoth sized”
    I’ll keep my hand down. I’ve dated overweight/out of shape guys before but it was for their “personality.” Women like eye candy just like men so ummmm….go work out. But if it’s not for getting laid at least sdo it so you can live a long life. It’s a health issue before anything else. Sheesh! How many donuts can your heart take?
    I have been dating gym rats for the past couple years because I’ve starting taking my health more seriously as well. I am sure guys with a little more cushion can get a gorgeous woman, but that’s less likely to happen than if you were fit. Just saying.

  • Cocofro212

    Nothin wrong with love handles!!!
    I used to date skinny guys, but skinny doesnt mean muscle. Gym rats can be annoying.
    As long as a guy has that manly strength, can pick me up with no struggle, who cares about a lil bit of tummy.
    a thick man is as sexy as Dwayne Johnson to me!
    PeAce Love Soul

  • mo

    “When women say they like chubby guys or guys with a belly, I think those types of guys have some charm to go along with their high cholesterol.”

    that line literally made me LOL-at work.

  • Ebony

    I like my men lean, hungry-looking and hung like a horse. Fat=Lazy, and no one wants a lazy man in bed. Nuff said? I think so.

  • L. Dejean

    ROTFLMAO at this post…i haven’t had chipotle in a while…their chicken tacos are pretty on point!

    I’ve dated a big dude but he was also older & short so he had a napoleon complex and thought he knew better than me…it didn’t work out but not based on his weight & i didn’t had insults based on that either…

    I’m sure you will find a happy medium between working out and chipotle!

  • sideeye

    Lol …jozen you’re funny..”what are these for?”

    For me i am not diggin moobs and chelly (when the chest and belly merge into one) combos because I prefer not to see that naked … just being honest.

    But honestly there is a seat for every ass…

  • Ashley

    Unfortunately, or fortunately I guess, I’ve dated chubby guys because it allowed me to feel just a little more comfortable about this small stomach pooch that I find myself currently rocking. lol

  • M. Hendricks

    Honestly, I say bump how people look at you! It’s always going to be a negative comment that some feels about you. Get in shape for your health. Man I sound cliche but hey it fits. I’m a big girl. And I attract an array of different sized men. I do my best to leave them with fond memories of me but I could care less of the negative things they have to say. Eating is a GREAT thing! I say continue down the path of Chipotle and exercise!

  • Adrina

    Why can’t you work out and have Chipotle on occasion? I feel like in this case you should be able to have your cake and eat it too as the saying goes. Weight and health should be based on a feeling, not on a social norm. The morbidly obese person does not feel healthy and neither does the woman with a eating disorder either, but both have a warped view of their health in common with each other. I’ve always been a curvy girl, and though my friends always deny it, I am “the big girl” in our circle of friends. The smallest I have ever been as an adult, at 5’8, was 195 lbs., and I still had problem areas. Now I weigh a little more, I’m open but not that open, but I still work to keep myself feeling healthy. I can run 3 miles in 45 minutes, and swim 50 laps in an hour, something some of my smaller friends cant do, and there are still a couple of handles of love on this frame lol. Point is, you can still eat Chipotle and work out, as long as the skin you’re in feels good on you.

    PS thanks for this post, made me think of the same situation in reverse… I.E. anybody want a chubby girl? lol

  • Lovedocs

    Go to the gym for the Chipotle. The food will never judge you. You pay for your indulgences and you work from there. If a woman comes along and judges you for your lbs then just smile and move on. The whole time you are looking at your man-boobs (by the way, that comment made me laugh out loud), the women are checking out their flat a**es.

  • jc

    …im a lil chubby…but id fuck your world up in the bed room, so that doesnt really make sense.

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  • Kristin C

    I love chubby guys. I am a big girl, and I have to admit that a chubby guy just makes me feel smaller and more like a girl. Plus, the best orgasms I ever had were with a chubb.

  • Cali

    hit the weights, dude. LOL! Then you can have Chipotle w/o feeling bad about it. I’ve never dated a thick/chubby/fat guy, probably never will. I’m not a stickler about being fit (though I do workout myself) but some degree of muscle is just necessary!

  • Cali

    I think it absolutely should effect men as well as women. Men get away w/ murder as it is (compared to all we have to do to keep it tight), the least they can do is pick up a weight!

  • Anonymous

    wut a fagggot

  • Anonymous

    fuk u