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How A Man Waits For The Woman To Come Around

October 21st, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

About two weeks ago, I wrote a post telling women the optimum time she should sleep with a guy she is dating is one week. A few women agreed, most women disagreed. The polarizing points of view made for an interesting conversation in the comments section, which is always entertaining for other readers and I to read. It was obvious the amount of wait time people apply to their relationships was not uniformed.

Everyone had their idea of how much time should pass, and their own reasons why it was the optimal time for them. But for the women who disagreed with my proposed length of time, allow me to show how a man waits for the woman of his affection to come around. What you are about to read is a completely unscientific analysis, broken down on n a week by week basis over the period of one month.

Week One: Taking Care Of Himself

So the woman thinks a week is way too soon to give it up to this guy she really likes. The guy really likes her too and wants no one else but her so the first week is the height of his focus. He’s still all about being with her, and as a result, ever since he’s met her, he’s held off on the other women he was seeing. He’s no longer answering their late night phone calls, and he’s declining all offers on the table because he’s focused on this current girl. So how is he holding up? Pretty good, because what he’s doing every night is taking care of himself before he goes to bed. And who is he thinking about? Well, when men reach a certain age, they have built up enough fantasies to go back to those, so he has a plethora of experiences to choose from.  The girl he’s definitely not thinking about every night he takes care of himself? The girl he’s dating. Take that for what you will, ladies.

Week Two: Taking Care of Himself Again, But Now With Assistance

Just so we’re clear, all the times given are compounded by at least a week or so. This was the week when he was just trying to get on the radar of the woman he is now dating; the woman who is making him wait. So let’s just assume, for the sake of this post, that what is now two weeks he’s been waiting for her has now been at least four weeks since he has gotten any. During the first week, he was doing just fine, but this second week is all bad. He’s now entertaining at least one of those offers he declined in the first week. In other words, he is now once again sleeping with an old flame or an old sex buddy. He’s not doing this because he dislikes the current girl he’s dating — the girl who has made him wait for two weeks now — he’s doing it because he understands she needs a little more time. Since he likes her too, he wants to respect that time and not get distracted by his raging hormones, so he curbs them by sleeping with a girl he used to sleep with.

Three Weeks: Someone New

You know how a girl who has been with her boyfriend for three years will question whether or not he wants to spend the rest of his life with her? Well when a girl makes a guy chase him for three weeks, he begins to wonder if she likes him at all, especially if he’s done everything right. So now what happens? He officially starts liking someone else. Does he still like this girl who has made him wait three weeks? Of course he does. It’s just some early infatuation going on, so he can easily shift those feelings he had for three-week girl to a new woman and like two girls at the same time. Personally, I don’t think any woman who makes me wait three weeks is interested in me, but if I’m still around I think maybe there’s a shot, but obviously I can’t bet the house on her. So instead, I balance out my feelings for the girl of the past three weeks with a new girl and start seeing what the lay of the land is over there. Ladies, take note. If the optimal time for a man is a week, the optimal time for a woman is two weeks. Take any longer to take action on a good guy and watch him become a good guy for someone else too.

Four Weeks: Text Message Status

How can one get cut out of someone’s life without being completely cut out? Text messaging, that’s how. All that calling the guy used to do, the sweet emails he used to send. Those are all gone. Four weeks in and the woman he was so into is still giving him the first date treatment? Ladies, please. It’s not that men don’t have time for that. They don’t have the pride for it. Maybe two weeks in this was a game he was willing to play, a light scrimmage if you will, but now, he’s ready for a real game, with pads and everything, yet she’s still talking about some two hand touch. See, a man like me doesn’t chase sex, he chases girls that he likes. If a woman makes me wait four weeks, I just think she doesn’t really like me back, so I’m moving on, but with some semblance of hope. So I stay in touch with her, not by email, not by calling, not by asking if we can hang out. I just send her a quick text that says, “hi stranger.” If she responds back, a chance remains, If she doesn’t, I knew I never had one in the first place.



A banana and some mixed nuts is the ultimate snack, just FYI. Oh, and the American dream is 20 minutes of jump rope followed by some stairs.

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  • Voice of Reason

    Consider the following time line…

    You meet Girl A at a respectable location. You engage in discussion, like her and begin the “dating weeks”…

    Week 1: You have sex per the preferred time line. You use proper protection like a responsible adult.

    Week 2: You are noticing discomfort in groin area but attempt to ignore the issue.

    Week 3: It burns to urinate and you are noticing large puss-filled bumps around your genitals.

    Week 3.1: You contact your doctor in a panic and explain, “We used condoms!” when you receive news of your incurable Herpes Type 2 infection. The doctor calmly explains that people can shed the virus without any symptoms and herpes can be contracted via skin to skin contact. Condoms do not necessarily mean prevention.

    Week 3.2: You pick up your expensive medication, which you must pay in full because you have no medical insurance. You realize you might need to work a second job for the remaining weeks of your life because you will always need the medication.

    Week 3.3: You curse yourself for not taking the time to ask this girl to get tested for HIV, herpes and the enormous cache of STDs awaiting us.

    Week 3.4: You call said girl and leave a nasty voice mail calling her a b*tch and saying she “burnt” you. You receive no return call.

    Week 4: You meet a new girl and decide that you must share your new condition. After all, you are not a heartless human wishing to maliciously spread your condition. Rejection ensues.

    Week 5: You are wishing your time line would have been a little more reasonable.

  • slb

    Love your posts Jozen, but this one has a few holes in it. If, due to schedules, I see my new dude once within the first week, how am I expected to put out to keep from revisiting a past pussy to tide himself over as we progress into weeks 2-3? Would that not make the new relationship nothing but a glorified one night stand at that point? If I see the new dude every day within the first week, does that override seeing him 2-3 times within the first two weeks and thus speed up “the process,” dictating I spread for him sometime between day 5 and 7? The way I see it, a man of honor and class will wait a reasonable amount of time until some sort ot mature bond has been established between the two parties. This post honestly just makes me lose faith and respect in men- is it really that hard to jack off for a few weeks if you have a potential prize of a woman in your life, WITHOUT resorting to booty calls?

  • slb

    On a sidenote, is there anyway you can allow posters to edit their posts? Despite a proofread, I have typos, which makes me feel rather unworthy of being able to comment. Most embarrasing.

  • Cd19880

    This is a shame. You think if a woman dosn’t sleep with you in 4 weeks she is not into you? With this type of thinking you will go through a lot of good women in your life. You don’t even know somebody well enough in 4 weeks. I hope other girls don’t fall for this crap. In the voice of Judge Mathis, you could hide a crack habbit for 4 weeks!

  • Cd19880


  • Blkchi

    How do you figure that? Hell my wife and I slept together on our first date and we have been together since then for 5 years…. I actually agree with what Jozen is saying, put all the rules your mother told you aside, and do what you feel is best for you. Just be smart who you are doing it with….

  • Blkchi

    You are absolutely correct!

  • Blkchi

    And you will always be the bridesmaid, never the bride.

  • The Truth

    I think the commentors make women especially, black women, come across as angry and bitter.

  • The Truth

    Please explain how waiting will reduce the chance of having an STD? People lie….

  • Scarlett D

    Like a thousand times.

  • Scarlett D

    LMAO – WOMEN aren’t “committing” soon enough. Oh, wait, I can’t catch my breath, this is hilarious! Good stuff, you need to take your act on the road. Whew. Damn near peed my pants…woman are commitment phobes and chex = commitment… Can you imagine…

  • Scarlett D

    THIS!!! ^^^

    Especially “At some point you gotta stop letting your dick do the directing”

  • ClearSkies789

    I agree that the author should be allowed to express his opinion on his blog, but the dude’s opinion is wacked. I think it’s disgusting and sad that he thinks it’s okay for a man to have that short of an attentions span. No one says you can’t go out and find a quick hook up with someone else. You’ve only been dating a month, there’s no obligation expected. You can date (or whatever) with pretty much anyone else at the same time, so there is no need to “lose interest” in a quality woman just because you’re feeling peckish.

    Women AND men need to respect their bodies. It’s attitudes like Jozen’s that perpetuate the epidemic in Black America of unwed parents, “project twins,” and broken families because the father has 8 kids by 6 women, not to mention the staggering STI cases in our community. I thank Jozen for sharing his opinion, but I have to give it a mean Side Eye as well. Smh…

  • Jinx The Chase


  • Sydnie

    If this post is a man’s reality — if this is what the general population of men think about a woman who chooses not to have sex too soon — then we are in a sad state for relationships. Jozen, from reading your posts on a regular basis I have a sense that you are not genuinely out to hurt women or treat them badly, but the underlying message in this posts aims to hurt women and put them in a bad position (whether you intended or not). This post contributes to the exponentially growing amount of relationship advice that confuses women about their sexual choices. Every woman wants to be sexually free, that is, free to define her sexuality for herself; however, particularly in American heterosexual culture women have to worry about how her sexuality is viewed by others especially if she aims to be married or maintain some image of a “good girl.”

    The problem with this post is that you equate “liking” a woman to wanting to have sex with a woman. You say “a man like me doesn’t chase sex, he chases girls that he likes.” Then you contradict yourself by defining like as sex, and reducing your attention/affection for her if she doesn’t give you any. As far as I’m concerned, if you “like” someone, you like them and give attention regardless of the sexual nature of the relationship.

    I won’t speak for all women, but I bet many will co-sign with me when I say that when I genuinely like someone I don’t just want to have sex with them. Sexual attraction to someone and liking them as a person are two different things. I think that needs a repeat: SEXUAL ATTRACTION and LIKING A PERSON are two DIFFERENT things. So if a woman doesn’t have sex with you, it is ABSOLUTELY WRONG for you to assume she doesn’t like you. She could think you are the best thing since sliced bread which is exactly why she’s making you wait. She’s making you work for it. She’s making you prove that you deserve it. Now if when you call her or text her and she ignores you OR she says “I don’t like you…” then you can safely assume that she doesn’t.

    By equating “like” to “sex,” you are telling women the only way she can show her like for a man is to sleep with him — and maybe that’s alright for men who can easily separate their emotions from sex, but it could be absolutely detrimental to women who don’t have this ability (some do, not me). The consequence for women who sleep with many men is too great – greater chance of pregnancy, STDs that they might not be able to get rid of, and negotiating the double standard that good guys like you consistently uphold about not wanting to wife a woman who’s been around the block too many times.

    For all the guys out there who co-signed this post, especially if you consider yourself a “good guy,” you need to re-evaluate yourself and your approach to the dating game. Women want and should be valued for more than what is between her legs. If you truly value a woman you will wait (with a side chick around or not.) You will put energy and effort into her, not just effort into getting in her pants. Invest in us as people, show that you give a sh*t about who we are, and then you can get the goods.

  • CorettaJG

    Wow. This is just laughable (but certainly one way to get some confused women to fall for this bull). Thank God I know my value and I know that I am worth the wait. The kind of immature, irresponsible and unprincipled man you describe who uses this timeline is not the kind of man the women I know want or need. The woman who would accept this deserves him (although I suspect he won’t stick around very long) and the diseases they will share together.

  • Marie


  • CoCo Creative

    not sure u read my post before responding. i said, regardless of how men think about things, we (as women) have the right to choose for ourselves, including the choice to respect our bodies (however we define it).

    my post speaks more to male/female mutual understanding. if we can learn to understand one another and modestly offer our opposing opinions in good conscience, we can maybe reach a common ground – which is the ultimate goal of any realtionship.

    no one would dispute the sexual health atrocities our generation is currently facing. i’m not sure that these issues are wed in my post, though. sexual responsibility is implied.

  • Faith27

    I love reading this blog because the stuff just gets funnier and funnier here. I’m gonna have to chalk this up to being pure entertainment. I wish I would accept and utilize advice from a single man/women on how to get and keep one. Unless you are happily married you don’t know what you’re talking about, lol. That would like getting a tutor who is a “F” student.

  • Greg Dragon

    and Disillusioned. It saddens me that black women stay in that box of church and tribalism in all blog commentary. Surprise me for once ladies, I see you coming a mile away. Typical much?

  • Greg Dragon

    This comment is beyond ignorant given that most of my friends married at 18 years of age. How would the value of someone who has never been in the dating game be better than someone who has? I see this ignorant assertion in almost every commentary when the Blog owner is single.

  • I.Mind

    @ The Truth and Greg Dragon

    “angry and bitter… Disillusioned”?
    -… uh more like shocked (maybe), disgusted and annoyed.

    “Surprise me for once , I see you coming a mile away. Typical much?”
    -That’s the pot callin the kettle…

  • I.Mind

    I don’t know what alladat html talk is about but… I ain’t do dat. I MEANT…

    “Surprise me for once (dragon/men), I see you coming a mile away. Typical much?”
    -That’s the pot callin the kettle… #UGHtechnology

  • Alberto

    Sex can be an expression of commitment or it can be as simple as a kiss. It depends on the person. I don’t believe all men are searching to just have sex. They are searching for something that will help fill that void in their life. I think Jozen is searching hard and he is confused with what sex means to him.

  • Alberto

    I think the real issue is how a girl shows that she is into a man.

  • Prettysea002

    Pure entertainment. Nothing more. Nothing less. I love reading this blog, but you are obviously young and don’t have a clue what you are talking about. Encouraging women to sleep with men after only one week is beyond irresponsible. Your advice is so “college-aged” minded. But hey, some of us mature sooner than others.

  • Ziggy

    Whatever happened to at some point, in these 4 weeks, talking about it? I would think that if 2 ppl are supposedly ready to jump in the sack n see each other’s every single part, that they can have a conversation about it. Oh, but that part is harder for most of us *smile*

    One week or he’ll go elsewhere, puh-lease. If a woman chooses to do so, that’s her business, but to put it out there that you are in danger of losing a good man just bc you didn’t give it up after knowing a person for SEVEN DAYS (14 max) is absolutely preposterous and teaches young women such bad things about men/relationships/their choices, as well as reconfirms for grown women who are not so secure in their convictions that they can only get a man by spreading their legs. We women so easily forget that we do have choices.

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  • Ms.Fray

    the question here is are you going to make any of these women your girlfriend? if not its rude to expect so much . Personally im celibate. Im waiting until i get married boyfriend or not. SO what if one day you fall in love with someone like me? You can’t possibly be offended because she doesnt want to “commit” lol seriously. You sound slightly retarded to think any woman would just do that. For most of us. Intimacy levels must match the commitment level. If you think of it that way. I think you’ll learn a lot more. & develop better relationships

  • my point of view

    I’m sure he point was, you don’t know someone in a week, they probably will not mention an “infection”. But, if you take the time to get to know someone, they get comfortable, blah blah blah, you’re open and know more about each other, including health issues.

  • citygirl22


  • citygirl22

    hahahahaha… EXACTLY.

  • Mood Indigo

    For me, I’ll take my time b/c I don’t want to catch an STD or become a father unexpectedly with a woman I barely know.

    What I get confused about is this…if I’m waiting and am “working for it” or whatever and then find out that you’re sexing some other dude you just met because, as you say, “well I don’t really like him like that and needed to take my mind off of you…” how am I supposed to reconcile that? It smells like B.S., and probably is.

  • JP Stunner

    I’m the opposite of this. If I have sex with a guy too soon, I’m done with him. No matter how good the sex is or how much I like him.. if we have sex before I feel the relationship was established.. I’m looking for the next guy. He will be put on my “call when I need an itch scratch” list. So I NEED to wait before I have sex cause I lose interest real quick if we tangled bed sheets too soon.